Best 2 078 of Terry Pratchett quotes - MyQuotes

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Terry Pratchett
By Anonym 19 Sep

Terry Pratchett

They were scrawny, even by Feegle standards, with barely a wisp of beard hair between them and impractically low-slung spogs knocking about their knees, their kilts hung low on their skinny hips. To Tiffany's amazement, she could see the top bands of colored pants riding high above them. pants? On a Feegle? The times were indeed changing. "Pull yon kilts up, lads!" Ron muttered as they pushed their way past.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Terry Pratchett

Using a metaphor in front of a man as unimaginative as Ridcully was like a red flag to a bu... was like putting something very annoying in front of someone who was annoyed by it.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Terry Pratchett

It is true that words have power, and one of the things they are able to do is get out of someone’s mouth before the speaker has the chance to stop them.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Terry Pratchett

But too much reading had taken its toll. William found that he now thought of prayer as a sophisticated way of pleading with thunderstorms.

By Anonym 16 Sep

Terry Pratchett

Gossiping's part of witchcraft,' said Tiffany. 'They're checking to see if they've gone batty yet.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Terry Pratchett

Theres no stink more sorrorful than the stink of wet, burnt paper. It means: the end.

By Anonym 16 Sep

Terry Pratchett

Having a baby is the single mos joyous co-experience that two human beings can share, and he wasn't going to miss a second of it. He got one of the Secret Service men to videotape it for him.

By Anonym 17 Sep

Terry Pratchett

Oh, my dear Vimes, history changes all the time. It is constantly being re-examined and re-evaluated, otherwise how would we be able to keep historians occupied? We can't possibly allow people with their sort of minds to walk around with time on their hands.

By Anonym 20 Sep

Terry Pratchett

When the humours were handed out, Ankh-Morpork got the one for joking and Quirm had to do make do with their expertise in fine dining and love-making.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Terry Pratchett

And now I demand that you do what the ignorant might feel is the easier thing. You must refrain from dying in battle. Revenge is not redress. Revenge is a wheel, and it turns backwards. The dead are not your masters.

By Anonym 20 Sep

Terry Pratchett

Yeah, all right, but everyone knows they torture people," mumbled Sam. "Do they?" said Vimes. "Then why doesn't anyone do anything about it?" "'cos they torture people.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Terry Pratchett

You know how to pray, don’t you? Just put your hands together and hope.

By Anonym 17 Sep

Terry Pratchett

Miss Tick sniffed. 'You could say this advice is priceless,' she said. 'Are you listening?' 'Yes,' said Tiffany. 'Good. Now ... if you trust in yourself ...' 'Yes?' '... and believe in your dreams ...' 'Yes?' '... and follow your star ...' Miss Tick went on. 'Yes?' '... you'll still get beaten by people who spent THEIR time working hard and learning things and weren't so lazy. Goodbye.

By Anonym 19 Sep

Terry Pratchett

Then she wondered, not for the first time, about the differences between wizards and witches. The main difference, she thought, was that wizards used books and staffs to create spells, big spells about big stuff, and they were men. While witches - always women - dealt with everyday stuff. Big stuff too, she reminded herself firmly. What could be bigger than births and deaths? but why shouldn't this boy want to be a witch? She had chosen to be a witch, so why couldn't he make the same choice? With a start, she realized it was her choice that counted here too. If she was going to be a sort of head witch, she should be able to decide this. She didn't have to ask any other witches. It could be her decision. Her responsibility. Perhaps a first step toward doing things differently?

By Anonym 19 Sep

Terry Pratchett

Then Carrot said, "It's better to light a candle than curse the darkness, captain. That's what they say." "What?" Vimes' sudden rage was like a thunderclap. "Who says that? When has that ever been true? It's never been true! It's the kind of thing people without power say to make it all seem less bloody awful, but it's just words, it never makes any difference -

By Anonym 18 Sep

Terry Pratchett

She smiled at him, and bits of Moist tingled. ‘Well, off you go then, Mr Lipwig,’ she said. ‘Brighten up the world like a little sunbeam.

By Anonym 18 Sep

Terry Pratchett

Perhaps it was the spell, in its years of living in Rincewind's head, that affected his eyes. Perhaps his time with Twoflower, who only saw things as they ought to be, had taught him to see things as they are.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Terry Pratchett

The most watched programme on the BBC, after the news, is probably 'Doctor Who.' What has happened is that science fiction has been subsumed into modern literature. There are grandparents out there who speak Klingon, who are quite capable of holding down a job. No one would think twice now about a parallel universe.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Terry Pratchett

He's probably their battle poet, too." "You mean he makes up heroic songs about famous battles?" "No, no. He recites poems that frighten the enemy....When a well-trained gonnagle starts to recite, the enemy's ears explode.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Terry Pratchett

A camel in distress isn’t a shy creature. It doesn’t hang around in bars, nursing a solitary drink. It doesn’t phone up old friends and sob at them. It doesn’t mope, or write long soulful poems about Life and how dreadful it is when seen from a bedsitter. It doesn’t know what angst is.

By Anonym 16 Sep

Terry Pratchett

He had done regular live concerts from San Quentin jail until the civil rights people got him under the Cruel and Unusual Punishment clause.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Terry Pratchett

Now that their long war was over, they could get on with the proper concern of all civilised nations, which is to prepare for the next one.

By Anonym 19 Sep

Terry Pratchett

We're living in science fiction, but we don't realize it.

By Anonym 16 Sep

Terry Pratchett

He had the kind of real deep tan that rich people spent ages trying to achieve with expensive holidays and bits of tinfoil, when really all you need to do to obtain one is work your arse off in the open air everyday.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Terry Pratchett

You're not allowed to call them dinosaurs any more," said Yo-less. "It's speciesist. You have to call them pre-petroleum persons.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Terry Pratchett

A witch relied too much on words ever to go back on them.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Terry Pratchett

Some shadows are so long, they arrive before the light.

By Anonym 16 Sep

Terry Pratchett

I tell them stars have never hurt me, I wish I could say the same about people.

By Anonym 19 Sep

Terry Pratchett

We can't just drop everything, sir!" "Mister Lipwig. Is there something in the word 'tyrant' you do not understand?

By Anonym 15 Sep

Terry Pratchett

A new way to stop people from choking, which doesn’t even sound magical until you understand that a way of turning nearly dead people into fully alive people is worth a dozen spells that just go twing!

By Anonym 15 Sep

Terry Pratchett

A voice said: One. One. One, two. One, two. Then the footsteps went back into the distance. After a while, another voice said: One, two, three, four- And the universe came into being. It was wrong to call it a big bang. That would just be noise, and all that noise could create is more noise and a cosmos full of random particles. Matter exploded into being, apparently as chaos, but in fact as a chord. The ultimate power chord. Everything, all together, streaming out in one huge rush that contained within itself, like reverse fossils, everything that it was going to be. And, zigzagging through the expanding cloud, alive, that first wild live music. This had shape. It had spin. It had rhythm. It had a beat, and you could dance to it. Everything did.

By Anonym 16 Sep

Terry Pratchett

I've had a lifetime of ought from can to can't (from the first moment in the morning when you can see to the last moment in the evening when you can't

By Anonym 18 Sep

Terry Pratchett

Rincewind had in any case seen his past life flash in front of his eyes so many times that he could sleep through the boring bits.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Terry Pratchett

But what's worth more than gold?" "Practically everything. You, for example. Gold is heavy. Your weight in gold is not very much gold at all. Aren't you worth more than that?

By Anonym 14 Sep

Terry Pratchett

Maurice watched them argue again. Humans, eh? Think they're lords of creation. Not like us cats. We know we are. Ever see a cat feed a human? Case proven.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Terry Pratchett

You'll see! We're going to the palace. Fetch Angua. We might need her. And bring the search warrant. You mean the sledgehammer, sir? Yes.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Terry Pratchett

Taxation is just a sophisticated way of demanding money with menaces.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Terry Pratchett

[Science fiction is] out in the mainstream now. You can tell by the way mainstream literary authors pillage SF while denying they're writing it!

By Anonym 13 Sep

Terry Pratchett

It cannot be said often enough that science fiction as a genre is incredibly educational - and I'm speaking the written science fiction, not 'Star Trek.' Science fiction writers tend to fill their books if they're clever with little bits of interesting stuff and real stuff.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Terry Pratchett

Corporal Nobbs had been disqualified from the human race for shoving

By Anonym 16 Sep

Terry Pratchett

It was dawning on the wizards that they were outside the University, at night and without permission, for the first time in decades. A certain suppressed excitement crackled from man to man. Any watch trained in reading body language would have been prepared to bet that, after the click, someone was going to suggest that they might as well go somewhere and have a few drinks, and then someone else would fancy a meal, and then there was always room for a few more drinks, and then it would be 5 a.m. and the city guards would be respectfully knocking on the University gates and asking if the Archchancellor would care to step down to the cells to identify some alleged wizards who were singing an obscene song in six-part harmony, and perhaps he would also care to bring some money to pay for all the damage. Because inside every old person is a young person wondering what happened.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Terry Pratchett

A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to swear that only the other one snores.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Terry Pratchett

I think we are waiting for an e-book that even non-techies can be comfortable with. From my point of view, the biggest change is that I don't have to spend most of the day printing out and packaging a manuscript. I think I almost miss that.

By Anonym 20 Sep

Terry Pratchett

You trust him?" he said. "No," said Hastur. "Right," said Ligur. It's be a funny old world, he reflected, if demons went round trusting one another.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Terry Pratchett

I think when people mean that Discworld books have become darker they really mean the series is growing up. In 'The Colour of Magic' most of the city is set alight. It's a joke, in much the same way that the Earth is destroyed almost at the start of Douglas Adams's 'The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy.'

By Anonym 14 Sep

Terry Pratchett

It's the end game that people dread and that's what I'm scared of

By Anonym 14 Sep

Terry Pratchett

Making money isn't something to be ashamed of. There's a feeling now that if you have money you must have got it by some kind of shady dealing or being an MP.

By Anonym 16 Sep

Terry Pratchett

If you didn’t find some way of stopping it, people would go on asking questions. The teachers were useful there. Bands of them wandered through the mountains, along with the tinkers, portable blacksmiths, miracle medicine men, cloth peddlers, fortune-tellers, and all the other travelers who sold things the people didn’t need every day but occasionally found useful. They went from village to village delivering short lessons on many subjects. They kept apart from the other travelers and were quite mysterious in their ragged robes and strange square hats. They used long words, like corrugated iron. They lived rough lives, surviving on what food they could earn from giving lessons to anyone who would listen. When no one would listen, they lived on baked hedgehog. They went to sleep under the stars, which the math teachers would count, the astronomy teachers would measure, and the literature teachers would name. The geography teachers got lost in the woodsand fell into bear traps. People were usually quite pleased to see them. They taught children enough to shut them up, which was the main thing, after all. But they always had to be driven out of the villages by nightfall in case they stole chickens.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Terry Pratchett

I would rather stare at the wall for half an hour than watch an episode of any of the 53,801 Australian soap operas now cluttering up UK TV.

By Anonym 16 Sep

Terry Pratchett

He wanted one drink, and understood precisely why he wasn't going to have one. One drink ended up arriving in a dozen glasses.