Best 183 of Evan Esar quotes - MyQuotes

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Evan Esar
By Anonym 15 Sep

Evan Esar

There's nothing as short as short-term debt.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Evan Esar

After paying for the wedding, about the only thing a father has left to give away is the bride.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Evan Esar

Don't tear your hair out over a woman; it'll be harder to attract the next one if you're bald.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Evan Esar

A wedding is the formality a man has to go through before going to work for a new boss.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Evan Esar

A smart mother suggests that her child bring an apple to his teacher; a smarter mother suggests that he bring a couple of aspirins.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Evan Esar

You can't judge the ability of a doctor by the amount of praise the undertakers give him.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Evan Esar

The first requisite for a good cup of coffee in the morning is to get your wife out of bed.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Evan Esar

Some men are so eager for success that they are even willing to work for it.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Evan Esar

You are not fully dressed until you wear a smile.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Evan Esar

[Statistics] Fiction in its most uninteresting form.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Evan Esar

Play: Work that you enjoy doing for nothing.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Evan Esar

[A mathematician is a] scientist who can figure out anything except such simple things as squaring the circle and trisecting an angle.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Evan Esar

Eloquence is the art of saying as little as possible but making it sound as much as possible.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Evan Esar

A corporation has all the powers and privileges of an individual: all it lacks is a conscience.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Evan Esar

Conscience is what makes a boy tell his mother before his sister does.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Evan Esar

Many a girl who can't dance well makes up for it during intermission.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Evan Esar

The three chief causes of divorce are men, women, and marriage.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Evan Esar

You can always make a loan at a bank if you can show sufficient evidence that you don't need it.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Evan Esar

Man is the control experiment of heredity and environment; and since his heredity controls him, he tries to control his environment.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Evan Esar

The mint makes it first, it is up to you to make it last.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Evan Esar

Many a man works himself to death by burying himself in his work.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Evan Esar

A home in the country is what a city man hopes to buy and a farmer hopes to sell.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Evan Esar

It's not the loss of life that makes the death bitter -- it's the obituaries.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Evan Esar

Some women get divorces on the grounds of incompatibility; others, on just the first two syllables.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Evan Esar

Ego: The only thing that can keep growing without nourishment.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Evan Esar

America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Evan Esar

The chief ability of an executive should be his ability to recognize ability.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Evan Esar

When you make your mark in the world, watch out for the envious with erasers.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Evan Esar

If you want to be successful, you must either have a chance or take one.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Evan Esar

Character is what you have left when you've lost everything you can lose.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Evan Esar

The most uncommon form of intelligence is common sense.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Evan Esar

The man who has a girl in every port is not a sailor but a wholesaler.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Evan Esar

Adolescence begins when children stop asking questions-because they know all the answers.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Evan Esar

The only time a lazy man ever succeeds is when he tries to do nothing.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Evan Esar

The trouble with the world is that laziness is seldom curable and never fatal.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Evan Esar

If you don't like to make excuses or apologies, stop making promises.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Evan Esar

The best way to make a long story short is to stop listening.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Evan Esar

The tongue is the only muscle in the human body that never gets tired [talking].

By Anonym 13 Sep

Evan Esar

In Congress the majority governs, but the minority rules.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Evan Esar

Next time a man tells you talk is cheap, ask him if he knows how much a session of Congress costs.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Evan Esar

The only thing worse than being on the wrong side of an argument is to be on the right side with no one listening.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Evan Esar

Many people will laugh at the drop of a hat, especially if the man is still in it.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Evan Esar

Every bride and groom would do well to remember that in wedding, the we comes before the I.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Evan Esar

Definition of a Statistician: A man who believes figures don't lie, but admits than under analysis some of them won't stand up either.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Evan Esar

Only one man has the right to boast, and that's the man who never does.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Evan Esar

Egocentricity: The vanity that makes you wonder what people are thinking about you when they are really wondering what you are thinking about them.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Evan Esar

There would be no population explosion if people who are trying to keep the wolf from the door wouldn't let the stork fly in through the window.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Evan Esar

The word impossible is peculiar because if you examine it closely, you'll find that most of it is possible.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Evan Esar

You can always tell the golfer who's winning: he's the one who keeps telling his opponent that it's only a game.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Evan Esar

An expert is someone who takes something you already know and makes it sound confusing.