Best 285 of Jeff Foxworthy quotes - MyQuotes

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Jeff Foxworthy
By Anonym 14 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

My grandma's the most careful, safe driver in the world. You put her in a rental car, and she's doing doughnuts in the K-Mart parking lot!

By Anonym 14 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if the biggest fashion risk you take is which plaid you'll wear to the 4-H Fair.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

If your biggest tax deduction was bail money, you might be a redneck.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

If the gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot, you might be a redneck.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

Thank God I'm at that point in my career where I don't have to take stuff that I don't really want to do.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

By the time we get to church, I need church cuz I've been yelled at by everyone in the family.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you can't get married to your sweetheart because there is a law against it.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

All these years I've sat in airports and kind of drawn people and put like Far Side captions on them.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your vehicle has a two-tone paint job - primer red and primer gray.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you own at least 20 baseball hats.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

It's not my dreams that get me in trouble, it's what my wife dreams I did. My wife punched me in the middle of the night; I woke up and went Oww! What was that for?, and she goes I dreamt you were making out with Faith Hill. I said I wasn't dreaming anything! Send her over to my dreams, and we'll both be happy.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you have to check in the bottom of your shoe for change so you can get Grandma a new plug of tobacco.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

Nowadays you can't even spank your kids. No, gotta give 'em a time out. My dad would take time out of his busy day... to whip our ass.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

It's like cuddling with a Butterball turkey.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

I've been to all 50 states, and traveled this whole country, and 90 percent of the people are good folks. The rest of them take after the other side of the family.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

I got my wife a mood ring. It works real good! When shes in a good mood it turns blue, but when shes in a bad mood theres a red mark across my forehead

By Anonym 13 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

I'm an outdoor nut. If I'm not working, I'm on a tractor on my farm, hunting, fishing or climbing a mountain.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your good deed for the month was hiding your brother for a few days.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

You just may be a redneck if your lawn furniture used to be your living room furniture.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you consider a good tan to be the back of your neck and the left arm below the shirt sleeve.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

Some people like to keep their grass cut really short, so they can see the intruders coming. Keep those kill zones open. I say let the grass grow tall so they don't know there's a house behind it. Some call it lazy, I say it's thinking.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you keep a fly swatter in the front seat of the car so you can reach your kids in the back seat of the car.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

As a comic, you learn to use your voice because you don't have the benefit of visual things.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

You may be a redneck if . . . you think you are an entrepreneur because of the "Dirt for Sale" sign in the front yard.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

I think with a comedian, when you get to the point of a greatest hits, it's kind of an acknowledgment that you've been doing stand-up a long time, which not very many people do.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you've ever stood in line to get your picture taken with a freak of nature.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

If the veins in the back of your legs look like the street map of greater Pittsburgh, you ain't nobody's babydoll.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if the dog catcher calls for a backup unit when he visits your house.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

Every generation thinks they invented sex, which is the stupidest assumption in the world because if that was the case, you wouldn't even be here.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

Talking with Gary Busey is kinda like sex. You want to do it, you just don't want to be alone when you do it.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

Any job that posts a price list for your body parts is a bad job.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you've ever stolen toilet paper from a public restroom.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage in her purse.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if somebody hollers ho-down and your girlfriend hits the floor.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

People should see your faith. If all you do is talk about your faith and people don't see it, but they ought to see it in the way you treat your family, you treat your friends, you treat your community.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if the Home Shopping Channel operator recognizes your voice.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you think the Mountain Men in Deliverance were just misunderstood.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you have refused to watch the Academy Awards since Smokey and the Bandit was snubbed for best picture.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your biggest ambition in life is to git that big ole coon. The one what hangs 'round over yonder, back'ah Bubba's barn.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your anniversary present was getting the septic tank pumped.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

I just love people. I love this country. I am the American dream. I grew up by the airport with a dirt yard. Never in my life should I have been a success. So that's what I love about this country [USA], is you get out there and you have the opportunity and you work hard at it, and you can be a success.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you saved lots of money on your honeymoon by going deer hunting.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

My whole career can be summed up with 'Ignorance is bliss.' When you do not know better, you do not really worry about failing.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if...your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.