Best 285 of Jeff Foxworthy quotes - MyQuotes

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Jeff Foxworthy
By Anonym 13 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

If you don't have anything good to say about someone, you must be talking about Hillary Clinton.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

Little girls love dolls. They just don't love dolls clothes

By Anonym 15 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

This happened to me last week. We're in the process of remodeling our house; we've been doing it for a while now. And we have the painters in, putting sheets up around the furniture, you know? And we have a piano, just a regular, up against the wall piano. One of the painters said to me, "Is that y'all's piano?" I said, "Nah, that's our coffee table, it just has buckteeth! Here's your Sign!

By Anonym 15 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you have every episode of Hee Haw on tape.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you work with a shirt off... and so does your husband.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if Santa Claus refuses to let your kids sit in his lap.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you dated your daddy's current wife in high school.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if there is a sheet hanging in your closet and a gun rack hanging in your truck.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

Sacrificing myself to kill Hilary Clinton was the best thing I could possibly do for humanity

By Anonym 13 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

I don't know why my brain has kept all the words to the Gilligan's Island theme song and has deleted everything about triangles.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

Comics don't usually have very long careers, and I'm 22 years into this.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if every electrical outlet in your house is a fire hazard.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

As a comic, you learn to use your voice because you don't have the benefit of visual things.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

When you get to your third millionth frequent flyer mile, I think something snaps in your brain.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

If your biggest tax deduction was bail money, you might be a redneck.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if...you bought a VCR so you could tape wrestling while you are at work.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

Every generation thinks they invented sex, which is the stupidest assumption in the world because if that was the case, you wouldn't even be here.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

Please don't get me wrong here. I'm not making fun of old people. In fact I think that's the goal of everybody here tonite. We all want to be an old person someday.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

If you're a man and you've ever been antique shopping during a big football game, you're either gay or married.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your kids are going hungry tonight because you just had to have those Yosemite Sam mud flaps.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

I think with a comedian, when you get to the point of a greatest hits, it's kind of an acknowledgment that you've been doing stand-up a long time, which not very many people do.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction, you may live in Canada

By Anonym 15 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

I hope someday we can stamp out illiteracy in America. Of course you'll have to kill alot of my relatives to do it.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

Louisiana has the best food on the planet if you don't really ask too much about what you're eating.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

I always wore cowboy boots and drove a truck, and talked like this. So everywhere I would go in comedy people would say, "Foxworthy, you ain't nothing but a redneck from Georgia!" It kind of became a formula joke.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you have flowers planted in a bathroom appliance in your front yard.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

It's not my dreams that get me in trouble, it's what my wife dreams I did. My wife punched me in the middle of the night; I woke up and went Oww! What was that for?, and she goes I dreamt you were making out with Faith Hill. I said I wasn't dreaming anything! Send her over to my dreams, and we'll both be happy.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

Little girls love dolls. They just don't love doll clothes. We've got four thousand dolls and ain't one of them got a stitch of clothes on.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

If you can't remember the last time you had sex with a woman, you're either gay, or married.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your mother has been involved in a fist fight at a high school sports event.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

If you think the last four words to the national anthem are " gentleman, start your engines", You might be a redneck.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

We really didn't have the option of being couch potatoes when I was growing up. There were only three television channels and the only kid's programming was on Saturday morning. We always played outside until we could hear Mom calling us (not by cell phone but with her hands cupped around her mouth) that it was dinner time.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you're moved to tears every time you hear Dolly Parton singing I Will Always Love You.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother - you're not sure what you've got but you're pretty sure you're not going to like it.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

I'm very lucky in that I've gotten to do a lot of things. But if you ever put a gun to my head and said, "You can only do one," I'd think it would be stand-up. I think it's the coolest job in the world.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if people hear your car long before they see it.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if someone tells you you have something in your teeth, and you take them out to see what it is.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you saved lots of money on your honeymoon by going deer hunting.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if getting a package from your post office requires a full tank of gas in the truck.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

If your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the State Trooper to kiss her ass, you might be a redneck.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if a full-grown ostrich has fewer feathers than your cowboy hat.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

Find something in life that you love doing. If you make a lot of money, that's a bonus, and if you don't, you still won't hate going to work.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you use a radiator hose to fix your kitchen sink.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if...the most serious loss from the earthquake was your Conway Twitty record collection.