Best 295 of Zach Braff quotes - MyQuotes

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Zach Braff
By Anonym 13 Sep

Zach Braff

I never looked at bread the same way again

By Anonym 14 Sep

Zach Braff

Now, I'm not going to be misquoted on this like I have numerous times before, so I'll be quite clear. I've never said hitler was my hero, just that if he had focused on more than one race he would have had the right idea. Try to turn that one against me.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Zach Braff

I've turned down a lot of proposed scripts for Scrubs episodes, mainly ones with AIDs patients. It sickens me, really. If you don't want AIDs, don't be a ice cream man. Or African. I'm neither and I'm fine.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Zach Braff

At first, I didn't really care if global warming existed. But then I realized it means that less bums would freeze to death in the winter

By Anonym 14 Sep

Zach Braff

One of the things I like about being a celebrity is that you can get away with murder. Not just metaphorically, literally. Remember that annoying blond dog reporter at E News used to talk smack about me? I paid two mobsters five million dollars each to throw her off the Stratosphere tower in Las Vegas.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Zach Braff

If John McCain were really a war hero he would've won Vietnam.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Zach Braff

For me, acting in scenes with other people is like playing soccer with a bunch of legless five year olds. It's not really fair to them, but what else can I do, you know?

By Anonym 14 Sep

Zach Braff

Most people just aren't grateful for the lives they have, and it really saddens me. For instance, I said 'hello' to a man the other day, and he didn't even recognize me. It just really saddens me.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Zach Braff

I feel really bad for everyone who died on 9/11. Not just the people in the World Trade Center, Pentagon, or Flight 93, but all of the terrorists, too. 'Garden State' came out in 2004. That means none of them got a chance to see it. Let that sink in for a second. No wonder they're building a memorial.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Zach Braff

I'm really not one to brag, but I think my job is one of the most important things someone can do with their life. I mean, it really gives people a chance to live outside their means through someone else's vision. And I think that's something really great that I can give back to the community. Sure I could be a doctor or a lawyer, but do they really help anyone? Sure you can save someone's life, but can you really change it for the better? I'm not saying their jobs aren't important, just not as important as mine.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Zach Braff

The greatest charity you can contribute to is yourself. Instead of spending a dollar to help feed hungry children, why not spend that dollar on hair gel so you can get the perfect cowlick?

By Anonym 14 Sep

Zach Braff

People ask me, 'Did the fame come too fast? Do you ever wish for your old life?' I always tell them that there's nothing on earth better than being famous.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Zach Braff

I tried it a few times but didn't see the point. I'm Zach Braff. What the fudge do I need a team for besides holding me back and sucking? If I wanted that, I'd just walk on the set of 'Scrubs'.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Zach Braff

I don't like the idea of drama schools. They only perpetuate the myth that everyone can do what I do

By Anonym 13 Sep

Zach Braff

If Democrats want to start winning elections in this country, they're going to have to start connecting with voters as well as I connect with my fans.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Zach Braff

I wouldn't say I'm bigger than Jesus. If I had to guess, I'd say probably, yeah, but as far as I know, the bible is never clear on this.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Zach Braff

I've always wanted to have kids of my own, it's just tough finding a woman I wouldn't be wasting my DNA on.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Zach Braff

Yeah i saw An Inconvenient Truth, and i dont want to say it was preachy but let's not kid ourselves, i've got far more important work to do

By Anonym 14 Sep

Zach Braff

Sure, it was terrible and all, but you have to ask yourself: If the whole city was flooded, why couldn't they just swim to safety?

By Anonym 13 Sep

Zach Braff

I love queers as much as the next guy, I just don't think I should have to sit beside them on public transport.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Zach Braff

It's not that I think the Nazis were right, or anything. It's just that, we weren't there, we don't know.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Zach Braff

You know, I think there should be a Zach Braff Day. We could have it on December 25th and then people can decide whether they want to celebrate me or Jesus. If you ask me, the choice is pretty obvious.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Zach Braff

I think they're bogus, honestly. How utter garbage like Crash and Million Dollar Baby can win best picture, where true works of art such as Garden State go untouched is beyond me. It just proves how close-minded America really is, and I refuse to take part in it.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Zach Braff

I definitely try to play a common man in my roles so people can identify with my characters, but the truth of the matter is that it doesn't really matter what I do or my lines are, I'm still Zach Braff, and people know I'm better than them.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Zach Braff

I'm not lazy, I drive everywhere myself, the dog could've learned something from me.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Zach Braff

I don't think it's that bad, I mean, I love people following me around and helping me do stuff.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Zach Braff

It was really starting to get pathetic, everyday they would come in looking for one thing or another. 'Zach, can you give me some acting tips?' 'Zach, will you let me blow you?' 'Can I have some cash?' That's when I made the call, that's when I decided seven was enough

By Anonym 20 Sep

Zach Braff

You know that point in your life when you realize that the house you grew up in isn’t really your home anymore… All of the sudden, even though you have some place to put your shit, that idea of home is gone… Or maybe it's like this rite of passage… You will never have that feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for your kids, for the family you start. It’s like a cycle or something. Maybe that’s all family really is: a group of people that miss the same imaginary place.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Zach Braff

You know I was just taking a dump one day, and then as I sat there I realized, I really do deserve better.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Zach Braff

People always say The God Father is the #1 movie of all time. But ask yourself, did you see Zach Braff in it....No you didn't. So then by default it goes to Garden State..and if youwatch two episodes of scrubs back to back that counts as the #2.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Zach Braff

I don't belive Oprah's sexual abuse stories, I mean who would take a black girl when there are plenty of white?

By Anonym 13 Sep

Zach Braff

Is 'Garden State' the next 'Citizen Kane'? Of course not. I'd like to think we aimed a little higher than that, frankly.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Zach Braff

I'm not sure when or why the tabloid angle on me was decided that I am a cad. I would have much rather it had been that I am secretly a dentist or that I love soup.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Zach Braff

When you win your first Grammy, it's true, you really want to thank all the little people.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Zach Braff

I think a big part of being a success is confidence. Just look at me, I know I'm successful, and I am.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Zach Braff

I've never had much sympathy for orphans, I mean, when I was their age I would have killed to have no parents to make me clean my room and stuff

By Anonym 13 Sep

Zach Braff

I know that [Mike] Tyson talked about wanting to eat his opponent's children, but I don't think he ever had the balls to do it. I'm different - when I kidnapped Bill Lawrence's daughter, I cut off all of her fingers before sending my demands so that I wouldn't have to sit there and wait for him to ignore them. We worked things about about nine hours in, which is good because I ate her thumb as a midnight snack.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Zach Braff

The problem with doing commercials is that the only thing good enough for me to sell is myself, and I stopped doing that once I kicked my coke habit.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Zach Braff

Put God and me in a cage, what do you think who will win. God, because I created him.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Zach Braff

I don't want to blame it all on 9/11, but it certainly didn't help matters.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Zach Braff

I'm by no means condemning prescription medicine for mental health. I've seen it save a lot of people's lives.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Zach Braff

I can't watch the news anymore. They have their priorities all out of whack. All I see is Natalee Holloway and Britney Spears and the war in Iraq. Where's the substantive news? Where's the Zach Braff coverage?

By Anonym 13 Sep

Zach Braff

I don't have anything against this Jesus guy, but has he written, directed, and starred in his own movie?

By Anonym 14 Sep

Zach Braff

Sometimes, I go to Barnes & Noble with the sole intention of moving all copies of the bible to the fiction section.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Zach Braff

Yeah, the gay pride movement is precious and all, but I think it's about time we asked ourselves what gay people really have to offer to society.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Zach Braff

I really like just super dry comedy.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Zach Braff

So for front-runners we have a black and a woman. It's like being made to choose between syphilis or having and old man crap on your face. I would do the country a favor and run myself but I couldn't deprive Hollywood of me for 4 years.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Zach Braff

I like hot dogs. I like eggplant. I like pizza and creamed corn and beer. But I don't like Arabs.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Zach Braff

First I took a crap on the hooker's chest, then I told her I'd pay her a thousand dollars to eat it. She was addicted to crack, so of course she did it. It was so gross, though, it made her throw up, so I said I'd pay her another thousand to lick all that up, too. She started to, but for some reason she started crying as she was doing it, saying, 'I went to college! I have a degree!' Oh man, it was hilarious. I don't know if it was technically sex because I just beat off on her face, but definitely one of my most intense orgasms.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Zach Braff

I had a dream once. I wanted to do a line of cocaine off a hooker's ass. That's when I realized, 'Hey, I'm freakin' Zach Braff.' I did it the next morning.