Best 46 of Funny graduation quotes - MyQuotes

By Anonym 14 Sep

Michael Bloomberg

I was a Democrat before I was a Republican before I became an independent and I never changed my principles.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Fred Armisen

Remember that there's no one way of doing things. ... If you just get a hammer and hit it really hard, whatever it is, I guarantee you it'll open.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Mike Judge

When you work for other people you'll find ... that they do know what's best for them, and for the company. And you should listen to them and be respectful, but they don't know what's best for you.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Will Ferrell

As you set off into the world, don't be afraid to question your leaders. But don't ask too many questions at one time or that are too hard because your leaders get tired and/or cranky.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Eugene Mirman

In this time of recession, it is the time for invention. Did you know both the telephone and the automobile were invented during recessions? So was 'talking dirty.'

By Anonym 14 Sep

Bill Cosby

Pay off your student loan. Even if you don't have a job...Because when you finally get a job you're going to be one of us.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Carl Icahn

I can tell you how bad our boards are... I don't have to watch Saturday Night Live anymore; I just go to the board meetings.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Barney Frank

When I was here there was still a requirement that students had to swim 50 yards to graduate...because Harry Elkins Widener had drowned with the sinking of the Titanic. And it made me very grateful at the time that he had not gone down in a plane crash.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Stephen Colbert

In 1986, our commencement speaker was George Schultz, secretary of state, fourth in line to the president. You get me-basic cable's second most popular fake newsman. At this rate, the class of 2021 will be addressed by a zoo parrot in a mortar-board that has been trained to say "congratulations.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Amy Poehler

Try putting your iPhones down every once in a while and look at people's faces.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Naomi Wolf

Become goddesses of disobedience.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Dolly Parton

Now I usually try not to give advice. Information, yes, advice, no. But, what has worked for me may not work for you. Well, take for instance what has worked for me. Wigs. Tight clothes. Push up bras.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Art Buchwald

... I could have said something profound, but you would have forgotten it in 15 minutes - which is the afterlife of a graduation speech.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Seth Macfarlane

Whoever invented spray cheese had to have been a Harvard guy.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Eric Idle

Learn to trust yourself. That's very vital. ... Just stand with yourself. Remember, in his lifetime, Van Gogh sold only two paintings. I personally sold even fewer.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Ira Glass

I wish that someone had said to me that it's normal to feel lost for a little while.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Andy Samberg

I too turned to Webster's Dictionary and it defined Harvard University as a season for gathering crops.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Arnold Schwarzenegger

Just remember, you can't climb the ladder of success with your hands in your pockets.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Susan Sontag

It's hard not to be afraid. Be less afraid.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Anderson Cooper

I graduated in 1989, and I'd focused almost entirely on the Soviet Union and communism ... so when the Berlin wall fell, I was, well, I was screwed.

By Anonym 14 Sep

David Brooks

I've observed a few things about the few really great people I've had a chance to meet and cover...They need to be around people. You and I require sleep. They require people.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Katie Couric

When I made coffee and Xeroxed and distributed newspapers at ABC News, I thought my life was over.