Best 842 of Irony quotes - MyQuotes

By Anonym 13 Sep

Quentin Crisp

Health consists of having the same diseases as one's neighbors.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Sidney Sheldon

Every man is a prisoner, and the greatest irony of all is to be the prisoner of another man.

By Anonym 18 Sep

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Some people do not afford a healthy diet and lifestyle because of their health insurance.

By Anonym 18 Sep

Rick Riordan

Psst"he called. The Cyclops lowered his hammer. He turned towards Zeus, but his one big eye had been staring into the flames so long that he couldn't see who was talking. "I am not Psst"The Cyclops said " I am Brontes" Oh boy, Zeus thought. This may take a while

By Anonym 14 Sep

Erica Jong

Never joke with the press. Irony does not translate into newsprint.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Lawrence Joseph Henderson

It is a strange irony that the principles of science should seem to deny the necessary conviction of common sense.

By Anonym 16 Sep

Robert Peate

It has been said that civilization is the process of freeing human beings from each other, and that is true. But it takes people to free each other, because people cannot be freed from each other except by each other. The irony of this cannot be overstated.

By Anonym 16 Sep

Michael Perry

Imagine the wizened quality of a life blanched of contradiction and double standard. p 44

By Anonym 16 Sep

Anonymous

If you want to make God laugh, tell him-her your plan

By Anonym 13 Sep

Greg Proops

Honesty and unpopular opinions are the toughest sell in a country with an irony-deficiency.

By Anonym 16 Sep

Christopher Moore

It’s sarcasm, Josh.” “Sarcasm?” “It’s from the Greek, sarkasmos. To bite the lips. It means that you aren’t really saying what you mean, but people will get your point. I invented it, Bartholomew named it.” “Well, if the village idiot named it, I’m sure it’s a good thing.” “There you go, you got it.” “Got what?” “Sarcasm.” “No, I meant it.” “Sure you did.” “Is that sarcasm?” “Irony, I think.” “What’s the difference?” “I haven’t the slightest idea.” “So you’re being ironic now, right?” “No, I really don’t know.” “Maybe you should ask the idiot.” “Now you’ve got it.” “What?” “Sarcasm.

By Anonym 16 Sep

Anna Funder

I once saw a note on a Stasi file from early 1989 that I would never forget. In it a young lieutenant alerted his superiors to the fact that there were so many informers in church opposition groups at demonstrations that they were making these groups appear stronger than they really were. In one of the most beautiful ironies I have ever seen, he dutifully noted that, by having swelled the ranks of the opposition, the Stasi was giving the people heart to keep demonstrating against them.

By Anonym 19 Sep

Matt Haig

Under the Greenwood Tree Who loves to lie with me, And turn his merry note Unto the sweet bird's throat, Come hither, come hither, come hither: Here shall he see no enemy But winter and rough weather.

By Anonym 16 Sep

Michael Grant

Endgame,” Sam muttered, not really expecting Caine to hear. “Yep,” Caine said. “That’s right. Endgame. The FAYZ barrier is coming down; at least that’s my bet. But there’s also a ninety percent chance you and me both end up dead. Ten percent chance we both actually get out of here alive. In which case we end up sharing a cell somewhere.” He laughed. “Kind of unfair, really, what with me being evil and all, and you just so darned virtuous and heroic.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Henry Rollins

Some people tell me that they like what I do, which is great, of course. The perfect irony and truth is that I need them much more than they need me.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Vincent Van Gogh

Van Gogh was so under appreciated in his time, he sold only one of his 900 paintings while alive. Posthumously, he became one of the most famous artists of all time and his work is now considered priceless. Oh the irony.

By Anonym 16 Sep

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

It had to be that Americans were taught, from elementary school, to always "say something" in class, no matter what. [...] They never said "I don't know". They said, instead, "I'm not sure," which did not give any information but still suggested the possibility of knowledge. And they ambled, these Americans, they walked without rhythm. They avoided giving direct instructions: they did not say "Ask somebody upstairs"; they said "You might want to ask somebody upstairs". When you tripped and fell, when you choked, when misfortune befell you, they did not say "Sorry". They said "Are you OK?" when it was obvious that you were not. And when you said "Sorry" to them when they choked or tripped or encountered misfortune, they replied, eyes wide with surprise, "Oh, it's not your fault". And they overused the world "excited", a professor excited about a new book, a student excited about a class, a politician on TV excited about a law; it was altogether too much excitement.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Ljupka Cvetanova

A painting is worth a thousand confused art-gallery visitors.

By Anonym 16 Sep

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Famine sometimes increases the number of people who are overweight.

By Anonym 19 Sep

Michael R. Fletcher

Wait!" said Erbrechen, suddenly feeling jovial. "I change my mind. Never shite again. Ever. Anywhere." It was a small thing, but of such small things were life's joys truly made. The thought, he knew, would keep him smiling for days. "The world is a comedy, intoned Erbrechen, tittering, "and each must play his fart.

By Anonym 15 Sep

David Mamet

As a youth I enjoyed — indeed, like most of my contemporaries, revered — the agitprop plays of Brecht, and his indictments of Capitalism. It later occurred to me that his plays were copyrighted, and that he, like I, was living through the operations of that same free market. His protestations were not borne out by his actions, neither could they be. Why, then, did he profess Communism? Because it sold. The public’s endorsement of his plays kept him alive; as Marx was kept alive by the fortune Engels’s family had made selling furniture; as universities, established and funded by the Free Enterprise system — which is to say by the accrual of wealth — house, support, and coddle generations of the young in their dissertations on the evils of America.

By Anonym 20 Sep

Eugene O Neill

You're worse than decent. You're virtuous.

By Anonym 18 Sep

Sherman Alexie

[Or perhaps my friends should have realized that they shouldn't have left behind the FRICKING REASON FOR THEIR PROTEST! And that thought just cracked me up.] It was like my friends had walked over the backs of baby seals in order to get to the beach where they could protest against the slaughter of baby seals.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Kate Morton

But though it had prevailed against such fierce adversaries as fire and flood, it had fallen victim softly and swiftly to television in the 1960's.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Kaine Andrews

A gurgling chuckle came from behind him; Jonas had heard it often enough to know that it signified something as close to laughter as the creature ever got. “Yet you believe those things won’t come if you serve your Lord? You know what they say about the road to Hell, Judas.

By Anonym 19 Sep

Gillian Flynn

We named the bar The Bar. "People will think we're ironic instead of creatively bankrupt," my sister reasoned. Yes, we thought we were being clever New Yorkers - that the name was a joke no one else would really get, like we did. Not meta-get ... But our first customer, a gray-haired woman in bifocals and a pink jogging suit, said, "I like the name. Like in Breakfast at Tiffany's and Audrey Hepburn's cat was named Cat.

By Anonym 18 Sep

Nathaniel Hawthorne

That Jim Crow there in the window," answered the urchin, holding out a cent, and pointing to the gingerbread figure that had attracted his notice, as he loitered along to school; "the one that has not a broken foot.

By Anonym 20 Sep

Edmund Vance Cooke

You don't buy poetry. (Neither do I.) Why? You cannot afford it? Bosh! You spend Editions de luxe on a thirsty friend. You can buy any one of the poetry bunch For the price you pay for a business lunch. Don't you suppose that a hungry head, Like an empty stomach, ought to be fed? Looking into myself, I find this true, So I hardly can figure it false in you.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Mason Cooley

The ironies in the commonplace are my inspiration and delight.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Rassool Jibraeel Snyman

A joke made at someone else's expense is not humour its cruelty" RjS

By Anonym 18 Sep

Nikki Rowe

The irony of life is a twisted game; but my god you learn fast, the ins and outs of how to play your part the best you can.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Patrick Marber

A million years ago - some hairy bastard daubed a horse on the wall of his cave, he saw it, he drew it - well done! Flash forward: 'Hello, welcome to my vlog. Today I bought a plum

By Anonym 19 Sep

Banksy

This revolution is for display purposes only.

By Anonym 16 Sep

Rassool Jibraeel Snyman

If helping others feels strange then you haven't been doing it enough" RjS

By Anonym 19 Sep

Kendare Blake

What do you think the Order is going to do?" he asks. "Help us open a door to Hell, if we're lucky," I reply. Lucky. Ha ha. The irony.

By Anonym 18 Sep

James Dashner

Shouldn't someone give a pep talk or something?' Minho asked... "Go ahead," Newt replied. Minho nodded and faced the crowd. 'Be careful,' he said dryly. 'Don't die.' Thomas would have laughed if he could, but he was too scared for it to come out. 'Great. We're all bloody inspired,' Newt answered.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Simon Schama

The irony about Charles II is not that he came to the throne because England needed a successor to Charles I, but because England needed a successor to Oliver Cromwell.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Michael Connelly

That's the irony in the work: the best stories are the worst things that happen. My best times were somebody else's worst.

By Anonym 15 Sep

J. Andrew Schrecker

And where our hearts should be are but the palms of monkeys.

By Anonym 16 Sep

David Morrell

i've heard this called st. peter's square," arlene said. "but it isn't square. it's oval.

By Anonym 20 Sep

Audrey Magee

Will you stay in Germany?' 'No. Somewhere different.' 'Like where?' 'Somewhere there was no war. Ireland maybe.

By Anonym 16 Sep

John Irving

Here was the world-famous novelist with her penchant for detail; yet, in her observations of a prostitute with a customer, she had failed to come away with the most important detail of all. She could never identify the murderer; she could barely describe him. She'd made a point of not looking at him!

By Anonym 16 Sep

Arlie Russell Hochschild

Harold adds an important idea to that of Evans-Pritchard. "The state always seems to come down on the little guy," he notes. "Take this bayou. If your motorboat leaks a little gas into the water, the warden'll write you up. But if companies leak thousands of gallons of it and kill all the life here? The state lets them go. If you shoot an endangered brown pelican, they'll put you in jail. But if a company kills the brown pelican by poisoning the fish he eats? They let it go. I think they overregulate the bottom because it's harder to regulate the top.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Patois

As usual I was working the graveyard shift—an irony I reveled in—at an emergency call center. What other shift would a vampire feel comfortable working?

By Anonym 19 Sep

Frederik Pohl

The robots came bearing a gift and the name of it was "Plenty." Plenty is a habit-forming drug. You do not cut the dosage down. You kick it if you can; you stop the dose entirely. But the convulsions that follow may wreck the body entirely.

By Anonym 18 Sep

Andrzej Majewski

Politics is a great art. You need to know how to persuade people to pay for being robbed.

By Anonym 18 Sep

Mika Waltari

Sometimes it might be kinder to kill a man, than to take his dreams from him.

By Anonym 18 Sep

W Larsen Hughes

Silence gives notice to the music of the senses that would otherwise not be heard.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Nicanor Parra

- Aló, ¿con la Casa de la Cultura? - Sí conchetumadre.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Ralph E. Vaughan

A man may have ‘his moment,’ and that moment endure for decades, or only for the few seconds it takes for a bullet to travel across a courtyard to the balcony upon which he stands as he exhorts his people to follow him.