Best 22 of Joe Bob Briggs quotes - MyQuotes

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Joe Bob Briggs
By Anonym 14 Sep

Joe Bob Briggs

It's not a crime to get drunk.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Joe Bob Briggs

I love Martin Scorsese, but there's another indication of what The Oscars are all about. They've ignored Martin Scorsese for going on 35 years now, and I wouldn't be surprised if they passed him over again. He'll get one of The Oscars they give you at the end of your life because they feel guilty for never giving you an Oscar.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Joe Bob Briggs

SURE-FIRE SINGLES AD: Famous Writer needs woman to organize his life and spend his money. Loves to turn off Sunday football and go to the Botanical Gardens with that special someone. Will obtain plastic surgery if necessary.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Joe Bob Briggs

Apparently we love our own cell phones but we hate everyone else's.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Joe Bob Briggs

I AM a male chauvinist. Who's been saying otherwise?

By Anonym 14 Sep

Joe Bob Briggs

The best ally you can have in breaking up a street fight is a grandmother.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Joe Bob Briggs

The Italians always made good wine, but you had the impression they were friendly guys in straw hats running family vineyards with slaves or something so that the vino was never more than ten bucks a bottle.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Joe Bob Briggs

The fifties were when people started coming down on "juvenile delinquents," "hoodlums," "vandals"--anybody that was young, wore a motorcycle jacket, and didn't act polite around older people.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Joe Bob Briggs

I always remind people why The Oscars got started in 1928: It was an effort by the studios to suppress the unions. They started the Academy because all the screenwriters and directors and actors were unionizing, and they thought, "We'll have something that resembles a union, but that's completely controlled by the moneyed interests in Hollywood." That's what it's been all these years. It's something that reinforces Hollywood's image of itself. The Best Picture one year was Gandhi. Nobody watched Gandhi, but that's the kind of picture that always wins.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Joe Bob Briggs

As I've said many times, the single most oppressed class in America right now is the teenager.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Joe Bob Briggs

Speaking of things that'll make your head explode, "Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story" finally made it to the drive-in

By Anonym 13 Sep

Joe Bob Briggs

I made the mistake of watching "A.I." on cable the week they showed it about 792 times, and I ended up watching it every time it was on.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Joe Bob Briggs

In some European theaters, it's still not uncommon to have a late start and three LONG intermissions, because people actually eat and drink and converse during the intermissions.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Joe Bob Briggs

Almost every venerable tradition at a men's club starts out as a joke.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Joe Bob Briggs

I hate The Oscars. The Oscars make me want to throw things at the TV. In the ancient history of The Oscars, people would go on and make political statements and get thrown off the stage, but the last great political statement, I think, was when Michael Moore started raging against Bush a few years back. Everybody booed him, even though I can't imagine Hollywood booing a guy who's bashing Bush. That was the last great spontaneous moment on The Oscars.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Joe Bob Briggs

Everything changed in Bosnia, when General Wesley Clark proved that you could fight a war with high- level precision air strikes and a bare minimum of ground action.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Joe Bob Briggs

You're not a real Texan till you've been kicked out of every decent state in America.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Joe Bob Briggs

They'll give you an Oscar if they think you're about to drop dead. The problem with The Oscars is, the average age of The Academy is 84. They wheel those people in from Palm Springs and hook up their IVs and they vote. The people that go to movies are under the age of 28, for the most part, so there's this total disconnect between what the Academy thinks is a great movie and what the audience actually wants to see.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Joe Bob Briggs

The movies that are honored at The Oscars are always a certain type: Old-fashioned. It's a bunch of well-made, old-fashioned movies that support our idea of ourselves. They uplift the human spirit. That's why horror films never even get nominated.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Joe Bob Briggs

A universal draft is most often the instrument of Third World dictators.