Best 95 of Fred Allen quotes - MyQuotes

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Fred Allen
By Anonym 15 Sep

Fred Allen

Three million frogs' legs are served in Paris - daily. Nobody knows what became of the rest of the frogs.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Fred Allen

Vaudeville could not vouch for the honesty, the integrity, or the mentality of the individuals who collectively made up the horde the medium embraced. All the human race demands of its members is that they be born. That is all vaudeville demanded. You just had to be born. You could be ignorant and be a star. You could be a moron and be wealthy. The elements that went to make up vaudeville were combed from the jungles, the four corners of the world, the intelligentsia and the subnormal.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Fred Allen

Television is a triumph of equipment over people, and the minds that control it are so small that you could put them in a gnat's navel with room left over for two caraway seeds and an agent's heart.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Fred Allen

An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Fred Allen

Radio is called a medium because it is rare that anything is well done.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Fred Allen

Condensed milk is wonderful. I don't see how they can get a cow to sit down on those little cans.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Fred Allen

With the advance of refrigeration, I hope that along with the frozen foods someday we will have frozen conversation. A person will be able to keep a frozen promise indefinitely.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Fred Allen

Everywhere outside New York City is Bridgeport, Connecticut.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Fred Allen

An actor's popularity is fleeting. His success has the life expectancy of a small boy who is about to look into a gas tank with a lighted match.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Fred Allen

I'd rather have two girls at seventeen than one at thirty-four.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Fred Allen

I don't want to own anything that won't fit into my coffin.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Fred Allen

My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Fred Allen

A comedian who starts talking to himself becomes his own audience. This is fatal.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Fred Allen

All that the comedian has to show for his years of work and aggravation is the echo of forgotten laughter.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Fred Allen

Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Fred Allen

The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Fred Allen

A gentleman is any man who wouldn't hit a woman with his hat on.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Fred Allen

The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Fred Allen

Success is like dealing with your kid or teaching your wife to drive. Sooner or later you'll end up in the police station.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Fred Allen

I always have trouble remembering three things: faces, names, and - I can't remember what the third thing is.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Fred Allen

If I could get my membership fee back, I'd resign from the human race.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Fred Allen

It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Fred Allen

The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Fred Allen

The world is a grindstone and life is your nose

By Anonym 13 Sep

Fred Allen

Hush, little bright line, don’t you cry You’ll be a cliché by and by.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Fred Allen

Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Fred Allen

He was so narrow minded that if he fell on a pin it would blind him in both eyes.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Fred Allen

It is probably not love that makes the world go around, but rather those mutually supportive alliances through which partners recognize their dependence on each other for the achievement of shared and private goals.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Fred Allen

The American arrives in Paris with a few French phrases he has culled from a conversational guide or picked up from a friend who owns a beret.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Fred Allen

Radio is a bag of mediocrity where little men with carbon minds wallow in sluice of their own making.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Fred Allen

Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Fred Allen

Her hat is a creation that will never go out of style; it will just look ridiculous year after year.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Fred Allen

Washington is no place for a good actor. The competition from bad actors is too great.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Fred Allen

The average vice-president is a form of executive fungus that attaches itself to a desk. On a boat this growth would be called a barnacle.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Fred Allen

It was once rumored that fledgling executives walked around their offices backwards so they wouldn't have to face an issue.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Fred Allen

To a newspaperman, a human being is an item with skin wrapped around it.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Fred Allen

An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Fred Allen

He's so small, he's a waste of skin.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Fred Allen

My hometown was so dull that one time the tide went out and never came back.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Fred Allen

A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 AM and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 PM to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished before lunch.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Fred Allen

The S.S. Sierra was a ten-thousand-ton vessel. Today, lifeboats bigger than the Sierra are found on the Queen Mary and other luxury liners.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Fred Allen

Television is the triumph of machine over people.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Fred Allen

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Fred Allen

Father Time is the make-up man responsible for the physical changes that determine the parts the average actor is to play.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Fred Allen

When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds as though the strings are still in the cat.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Fred Allen

If criticism had any power to harm, the skunk would be extinct by now.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Fred Allen

Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Fred Allen

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Fred Allen

What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Fred Allen

The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she knows the average man can see much better than he can think- Ladies' Home JournalI'd rather have two girls at seventeen than one at thirty-four