Best 95 of Fred Allen quotes - MyQuotes

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Fred Allen
By Anonym 14 Sep

Fred Allen

My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Fred Allen

She used to be a teacher but she has no class now.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Fred Allen

He writes so well he makes me feel like putting my quill back in my goose.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Fred Allen

Condensed milk is wonderful. I don't see how they can get a cow to sit down on those little cans.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Fred Allen

If I could get my membership fee back, I'd resign from the human race.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Fred Allen

Everywhere outside New York City is Bridgeport, Connecticut.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Fred Allen

An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Fred Allen

It is probably not love that makes the world go around, but rather those mutually supportive alliances through which partners recognize their dependence on each other for the achievement of shared and private goals.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Fred Allen

Television is a triumph of equipment over people.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Fred Allen

A comedian who starts talking to himself becomes his own audience. This is fatal.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Fred Allen

A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Fred Allen

I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Fred Allen

A psychiatrists is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Fred Allen

An actor's popularity is fleeting. His success has the life expectancy of a small boy who is about to look into a gas tank with a lighted match.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Fred Allen

He has no idea what it was like to grow up in the South, where you had to hold your head down.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Fred Allen

I'd rather have two girls at seventeen than one at thirty-four.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Fred Allen

I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Fred Allen

My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Fred Allen

All I know about humour is that I don't know anything about it.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Fred Allen

The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Fred Allen

A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Fred Allen

An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Fred Allen

You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Fred Allen

I was just working in the shop and all of a sudden something just triggered in me, and I started shaking. And then I walked back into the house and my wife asked, 'What's the matter?' And I said, 'I don't feel good.' And tears, uncontrollable tears, was coming out of my eyes and she says, 'What's the matter?' And I told her. I said, 'I just thought about that execution that I did two days ago, and everybody else's that I was involved in.' And what it was, something triggered within, and it just, everybody - all of these executions all sprung forward.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Fred Allen

The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Fred Allen

Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Fred Allen

He's so small, he's a waste of skin.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Fred Allen

The world is a grindstone and life is your nose

By Anonym 13 Sep

Fred Allen

California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Fred Allen

I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Fred Allen

Everything is for the eye these days - TV, Life, Look, the movies. Nothing is just for the mind. The next generation will have eyeballs as big as cantaloupes and no brain at all.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Fred Allen

a group of people who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done

By Anonym 14 Sep

Fred Allen

On ships they call them barnacles; in business they attach themselves to desks and are called vice presidents.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Fred Allen

Three million frogs' legs are served in Paris - daily. Nobody knows what became of the rest of the frogs.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Fred Allen

The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Fred Allen

It was once rumored that fledgling executives walked around their offices backwards so they wouldn't have to face an issue.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Fred Allen

The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Fred Allen

I don't want to own anything that won't fit into my coffin.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Fred Allen

Father Time is the make-up man responsible for the physical changes that determine the parts the average actor is to play.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Fred Allen

All that the comedian has to show for his years of work and aggravation is the echo of forgotten laughter.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Fred Allen

Radio is called a medium because it is rare that anything is well done.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Fred Allen

Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Fred Allen

If criticism had any power to harm, the skunk would be extinct by now.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Fred Allen

During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk; today we have small men enjoying big talk.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Fred Allen

The S.S. Sierra was a ten-thousand-ton vessel. Today, lifeboats bigger than the Sierra are found on the Queen Mary and other luxury liners.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Fred Allen

Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats; then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Fred Allen

After quitting radio I was able to live on the money I saved on aspirins.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Fred Allen

Radio is a bag of mediocrity where little men with carbon minds wallow in sluice of their own making.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Fred Allen

The vice-president of an advertising agency is a bit of executive fungus that forms on a desk that has been exposed to conference.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Fred Allen

Washington is no place for a good actor. The competition from bad actors is too great.