Best 2 388 of Mark Twain quotes - MyQuotes

Follow
Mark Twain
By Anonym 15 Sep

Mark Twain

At noon I observed a bevy of nude young native women bathing in the sea, and I went and sat down on there clothes to keep them from being stolen.

By Anonym 16 Sep

Mark Twain

I set down in a chair by the window and tried to think of something cheerful, but it warn't no use. I felt so lonesome I most wished I was dead.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Mark Twain

Adam was the author of sin, and I wish he had taken out an international copyright on it.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Mark Twain

We like a man to come right out and say what he thinks- if we agree with him.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Mark Twain

...nothing so liberalizes a man and expands the kindly instincts that nature put in him as travel and contact with many kinds of people.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Mark Twain

Perhaps it will be simplest to throw away the tags and generalize India with one all-comprehensive name, as the Land of Wonders.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Mark Twain

The frankest and freest product of the human mind and heart is a love letter; the writer gets his limitless freedom of statement and expression from his sense that no stranger is going to see what he is writing.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Mark Twain

Great enterprises usually promise vastly more than they perform.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Mark Twain

It is better to give than receive- especially advice.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Mark Twain

Agassiz does recommend authors to eat fish, because the phosphorus in it makes brains. But I cannot help you to a decision about the amount you need to eat. Perhaps a couple of whales would be enough.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Mark Twain

Fame is a vapor, popularity an accident; the only earthly certainty is oblivion.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Mark Twain

We love old travelers: we love to hear them prate, drivel and lie; we love them for their asinine vanity, their ability to bore, their luxuriant fertility of imagination, their startling, brilliant, overwhelming mendacity.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Mark Twain

Religion consists in a set of things which the average man thinks he believes and wishes he was certain of.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Mark Twain

You know that kind of quiver that trembles around through you when you are seeing something so strange and enchanting and wonderful that it is just a fearful joy to be alive and look at it; and you know how you gaze, and your lips turn dry and your breath comes short, but you wouldn't be anywhere but there, not for the world.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Mark Twain

The Christian Bible is a drug store. It´s contents have remained the same but the medical practice continues. For 1,800 years these changes were slight--scarcely noticeable... The dull and ignorant physician day and night, and all the days and all the nights, drenched his patient with vast and hideous doses of the most repulsive drugs to be found in the store´s stock. He kept him religion sick for eighteen centuries, and allowed him not a well day during all that time.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Mark Twain

One mustn't criticize other people on grounds where he can't stand perpendicular himself

By Anonym 13 Sep

Mark Twain

I have never heard enough classical music to be able to enjoy it; & the simple truth is, I detest it. Not mildly, but will all my heart. To me an opera is the very climax & cap-stone of the absurd, the fantastic the unjustifiable. I hate the very name of opera - partly because of the nights of suffering I have endured in its presence, & partly because I want to love it and can't.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Mark Twain

It may be called the Master Passion, the hunger for self-approval.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Mark Twain

This editor is a critic. He has pulled out his carving-knife and his tomahawk and is starting after a book which he is going to have for breakfast.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Mark Twain

So you see, the quality of humor is not a personal or a national monopoly. It's as free as salvation, and, I am afraid, far more widely distributed. But it has its value, I think. The hard and sordid things of life are too hard and too sordid and too cruel for us to know and touch them year after year without some mitigating influence, some kindly veil to draw over them, from time to time, to blur the craggy outlines, and make the thorns less sharp and the cruelties less malignant.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Mark Twain

There are several kinds of stories, but only one difficult kind-the humorous.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Mark Twain

Each of you, for himself, by himself and on his own responsibility, must speak.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Mark Twain

All religions issue bibles again Satan, and say the most injurious things against him, but we never hear his side.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Mark Twain

Work and play are words used to describe the same thing under differing conditions.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Mark Twain

Sacred cows make the best hamburger.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Mark Twain

Hardly a man in the world has an opinion upon morals, politics or religion which he got otherwise than through his associations and sympathies. Broadly speaking, there are none but corn-pone opinions. And broadly speaking, Corn-Pone stands for Self-Approval. Self-approval is acquired mainly from the approval of other people. The result is Conformity.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Mark Twain

I speak French with timidity, and not flowingly--except when excited. When using that language I have often noticed that I have hardly ever been mistaken for a Frenchman, except, perhaps, by horses; never, I believe, by people.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Mark Twain

We often feel sad in the presence of music without words; and often more than that in the presence of music without music.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Mark Twain

Doesn't make any difference who we are or what we are, there's always somebody to look down on.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Mark Twain

We despise all reverences and all objects of reverence which are outside the pale of our list of sacred things. And yet, with strange inconsistency, we are shocked when other people despise and defile the things which are holy to us.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Mark Twain

An Englishman is a person who does things because they have been done before. An American is a person who does things because they haven't been done before.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Mark Twain

The trouble with most of us is that we know too much that ain't so.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Mark Twain

It is not worth while to strain one's self to tell the truth to people who habitually discount everything you tell them, whether it is true or isn't.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Mark Twain

Don't go to sleep, so many people die there.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Mark Twain

Dear, dear, it only shows that there is nothing diviner about a king than there is about a tramp, after all. He is just a cheap and hollow artificiality when you don't know he is a king. But reveal his quality, and dear me it takes your very breath away to look at him. I reckon we are all fools. Born so, no doubt.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Mark Twain

The statesmen will invent cheap lies, putting the blame upon the nation that is being attacked, and every man will be glad of these conscience-soothing falsities

By Anonym 13 Sep

Mark Twain

Franklin said once in one of his inspired flights of malignity-- Early to bed and early to rise Make a man healthy and wealth and wise. As if it were any object to a boy to be healthy and wealthy and wise on such terms.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Mark Twain

I have not professionally dealt in truth. Many when they come to die have spent all the truth that was in them, and enter the next world as paupers. I have saved up enough to make an astonishment there.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Mark Twain

The devil's aversion to holy water is a light matter compared with a despots dread of a newspaper that laughs.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Mark Twain

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Mark Twain

...we all know that in all matters of mere opinion that [every] man is insane-just as insane as we are...we know exactly where to put our finger upon his insanity: it is where his opinion differs from ours....All Democrats are insane, but not one of them knows it. None but the Republicans. All the Republicans are insane, but only the Democrats can perceive it. The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Mark Twain

If man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve man but deteriorate the cat.

By Anonym 18 Sep

Mark Twain

Sage went supperless to bed, and tossed and writhed all night upon a shuck mattress that was full of attentive and interested corncobs.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Mark Twain

The most successful people are those who do all year long what they would otherwise do on their summer vacation.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Mark Twain

The lightning there is peculiar; it is so convincing, that when it strikes a thing it doesn't leave enough of that thing behind for you to tell whether-Well, you'd think it was something valuable, and a Congressman had been there.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Mark Twain

My land, the power of training! Of influence! Of education! It can bring a body up to believe anything.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Mark Twain

And how moving is the eloquence of the untaught when it is the heart that is speaking!

By Anonym 15 Sep

Mark Twain

You feel mighty free and easy and comfortable on a raft.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Mark Twain

I smoke in moderation. Only one cigar at a time.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Mark Twain

When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.