Best 2 388 of Mark Twain quotes - MyQuotes

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Mark Twain
By Anonym 13 Sep

Mark Twain

How stunning are the changes which age makes in a man while he sleeps!

By Anonym 14 Sep

Mark Twain

My land, the power of training! Of influence! Of education! It can bring a body up to believe anything.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Mark Twain

My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Mark Twain

Learn from the mistakes of others - you won't live long enough to make them all yourself. He's opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer him the position.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Mark Twain

Once I talked to the inmates of an insane asylum in Hartford. I have talked to idiots a thousand times, but only once to the insane.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Mark Twain

I cannot keep from talking, even at the risk of being instructive.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Mark Twain

Whatever you say, say it with conviction

By Anonym 13 Sep

Mark Twain

I saw men whom thirty years had changed but slightly; but their wives had grown old. These were good women; it is very wearing to be good.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Mark Twain

Two days overdue, THE WORLD'S WORK has not reached me. Pray make a note of this. I would rather not have to resort to violence.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Mark Twain

In literature imitations do not imitate.

By Anonym 17 Sep

Mark Twain

Occasionally, merely for the pleasure of being cruel, we put unoffending Frenchmen on the rack with questions framed in the incomprehensible jargon of their native language, and while they writhed, we impaled them, we peppered them, we scarified them, with their own vile verbs and participles.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Mark Twain

Damn these human beings; if I had invented them I would go hide my head in a bag.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Mark Twain

The editor of a newspaper cannot be independent, but must work with one hand tied behind him by party and patrons, and be content to utter only half or two-thirds of his mind . writers of all kinds are manacled servants of the public. We write frankly and fearlessly, but then we "modify" before we print.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Mark Twain

An average English word is four letters and a half. By hard, honest labor I've dug all the large words out of my vocabulary and shaved it down till the average is three and a half... I never write metropolis for seven cents, because I can get the same money for city. I never write policeman, because I can get the same price for cop.... I never write valetudinarian at all, for not even hunger and wretchedness can humble me to the point where I will do a word like that for seven cents; I wouldn't do it for fifteen.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Mark Twain

....honest men are few when it comes to themselves.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Mark Twain

A big leather-bound volume makes an ideal razorstrap. A thing book is useful to stick under a table with a broken caster to steady it. A large, flat atlas can be used to cover a window with a broken pane. And a thick, old-fashioned heavy book with a clasp is the finest thing in the world to throw at a noisy cat.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Mark Twain

You can't make a life over. Society wouldn't let you if you would.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Mark Twain

What is the chief end of man?-to get rich. In what way?-dishonestly if we can; honestly if we must.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Mark Twain

A man may plan as much as he wants to, but nothing of consequence is likely to come of it until the magician circumstance steps in and takes the matter off his hands.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Mark Twain

What a man wants with religion in these breadless times, surpasses my comprehension.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Mark Twain

When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.

By Anonym 16 Sep

Mark Twain

el origen secreto del humor no es la alegría sino la tristeza

By Anonym 15 Sep

Mark Twain

The older we grow the greater becomes our wonder at how much ignorance one can contain without bursting one's clothes.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Mark Twain

It takes a thousand men to invent a telegraph, or a steam engine, or a phonograph, or a photograph, or a telephone or any other important thing-and the last man gets the credit and we forget the others. He added his little mite - that is all he did. These object lessons should teach us that ninety-nine parts of all things that proceed from the intellect are plagiarisms, pure and simple; and the lesson ought to make us modest. But nothing can do that.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Mark Twain

Annihilation has no terrors for me, because I have already tried it before I was born -a hundred million years -and I have suffered more in an hour, in this life, than I remember to have suffered in the whole hundred million years put together. There was a peace, a serenity, an absence of all sense of responsibility, an absence of worry, an absence of care, grief, perplexity; and the presence of a deep content and unbroken satisfaction in that hundred million years of holiday which I look back upon with a tender longing and with a grateful desire to resume, when the opportunity comes.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Mark Twain

Imagine, if you will, that I am an idiot. Then, imagine that I am also a Congressman. But, alas, I repeat myself.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Mark Twain

There is nothing so annoying as to have two people talking when you're busy interrupting.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Mark Twain

There is no character, howsoever good and fine, but it can be destroyed by ridicule, howsoever poor and witless. Observe the ass, for instance: his character is about perfect, he is the choicest spirit among all the humbler animals, yet see what ridicule has brought him to. Instead of feeling complimented when we are called an ass, we are left in doubt.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Mark Twain

When whole races and peoples conspire to propagate gigantic mute lies in the interest of tyrannies and shams, why should we care anything about the trifling lies told by individuals?

By Anonym 15 Sep

Mark Twain

The only people who should use the possessive 'we' are kings, newspaper editors, and persons with tapeworms.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Mark Twain

Let us be grateful to Adam: he cut us out of the blessing of idleness and won for us the curse of labor.

By Anonym 19 Sep

Mark Twain

This explains why, whenever a person says sie to me, I generally try to kill him, if a stranger.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Mark Twain

isn't so astonishing, the number of things that I can remember, as the number of things I can remember that aren't so.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Mark Twain

I am always reading immoral books on the sly, and then selfishly trying to prevent other people from having the same wicked good time.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Mark Twain

The more you join with people in their joys and their sorrows, the more nearer and dearer they come to be to you.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Mark Twain

When everyone is looking for gold, it's a good time to be in the pick and shovel business.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Mark Twain

In America, we hurry-which is well; but when the day's work is done, we go on thinking of losses and gains, we plan for the morrow, we even carry our business cares to bed with us...we burn up our energies with these excitements, and either die early or drop into a lean and mean old age at a time of life which they call a man's prime in Europe...What a robust people, what a nation of thinkers we might be, if we would only lay ourselves on the shelf occasionally and renew our edges!

By Anonym 14 Sep

Mark Twain

No one can write perfect English and keep it up through a stretch of ten chapters. It has never been done.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Mark Twain

There are lies, damned lies and statistics.

By Anonym 16 Sep

Mark Twain

Eschew surplusage.

By Anonym 17 Sep

Mark Twain

Most writers regard the truth as their most valuable possession, and therefore are economical in its use.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Mark Twain

It is sound statesmanship to add two battleships every time our neighbour adds one and two stories to our skyscrapers every time he piles a new one on top of his to threaten our light. There is no limit to this soundness but the sky.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Mark Twain

Baccarat is a game whereby the croupier gathers in money with a flexible sculling oar, then rakes it home. If I could have borrowed his oar I would have stayed.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Mark Twain

Presbyterianism without infant damnation would be like the dog on the train that couldn't be identified because it had lost its tag.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Mark Twain

I can always tell which is the front end of a horse, but beyond that, my art is not above the ordinary.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Mark Twain

You perceive, now, that these things are all impossible except in a dream. You perceive that they are pure and puerile insanities, the silly creations of an imagination that is not conscious of its freaks - in a word, that they are a dream, and you the maker of it. The dream-marks are all present; you should have recognized them earlier.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Mark Twain

I am trying to get the hang of this new fangled writing machine, but I am not making a shining success of it. However, this is the first attempt I have ever made & yet I perceive I shall soon & easily acquire a fine facility in its use. ... The machine has several virtues. I believe it will print faster than I can write. One may lean back in his chair & work it. It piles an awful stack of words on one page. It don't muss things or scatter ink blots around. Of course it saves paper.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Mark Twain

When I was 17, my father was so stupid, I didn't want to be seen with him in public. When I was 24, I was amazed at how much the old man had learned in just 7 years.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Mark Twain

I like a thin book because it will Steady a Table, a leather volume because it will Strop a Razor, and a heavy book because it can be Thrown at a Cat.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Mark Twain

All men have heard of the Mormon Bible, but few except the "elect" have seen it, or, at least, taken the trouble to read it. I brought away a copy from Salt Lake. The book is a curiosity to me, it is such a pretentious affair, and yet so "slow," so sleepy; such an insipid mess of inspiration. It is chloroform in print. If Joseph Smith composed this book, the act was a miracle — keeping awake while he did it was, at any rate.