Best 893 of Witty quotes - MyQuotes

By Anonym 14 Sep

Herbert Spencer

Marriage: A word which should be pronounced "mirage".

By Anonym 13 Sep

Christian Louboutin

A woman can be sexy, charming, witty or shy with her shoes.

By Anonym 19 Sep

Abhishek Shukla

The most important principle for self discovery and to taste success is rather than changing other's attitude changes your own. And always remember same sun which melts the butter also hardens the clay

By Anonym 16 Sep

Ljupka Cvetanova

I have a headache. If only I had a crown to put on!

By Anonym 16 Sep

Abhishek Shukla

In the end, you will realize most friendship is feigning, most loving mere folly.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Seungri

I'd like to do music in the same way - in a witty way. People think of YG artists as rarely appearing on TV but I'd like to make Big Bang fans happy through various mediums.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Abhishek Shukla

Don’t be afraid of failures it takes courage to try new things & only those who try create History.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Fran Lebowitz

Food is an important part of a balanced diet.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Albert Einstein

People like us, who believe in physics, know that the distinction between past, present, and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion.

By Anonym 18 Sep

David Eddings

Some day, Prince Kheldar, you will fall in love," the queen said with a little smirk, "and the twelve kingdoms will stand around and chortle over the fall of so notorious a bachelor.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Groucho Marx

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Victor Borge

Santa Claus has the right idea - visit people only once a year.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Phyllis Diller

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Caroline Dhavernas

It's very witty and it's great to see teenage characters have control that way. And you can actually hear about sex and pot and it's okay, it's not completely bad and you can't say that to teenagers.

By Anonym 20 Sep

Cate Tiernan

Yes. Reyn is our resident horse master. He has an excellent seat." I grinned. "I've noticed." Reyn's face tightened and Nell flushed, looking embarrassed. "It's an equestrian term." "Really? I thought you were talking about his ass.

By Anonym 19 Sep

Lauren Cagliola Green

Well we can't be having that. One person starts having fun and it turns into an epidemic. Difficult to stop that kind of thing, you know.

By Anonym 18 Sep

James Thurber

Taking a single letter from the alphaber," he said, "should make life simpler." "I don't see why. Take the F from life and you have lie. It's adding a letter to simple that makes it simpler. Taking a letter from hoarder makes it harder.

By Anonym 18 Sep

Michael Swanwick

Their business here was over then, and they all knew it; the magic moment had arrived when it was understood that nothing more would be established, discovered, or decided today. But the meeting, having once begun, must drag on for several long more hours before it could be ended. The engines of protocol had enormous inertial mass; once set in motion they took forever to grind to a stop.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Will Rogers

I'm not so much interested in the return ON my money as I am in the return OF my money.

By Anonym 19 Sep

Dashiell Hammett

What do you want me to do, learn to stutter?

By Anonym 13 Sep

Erma Bombeck

Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Abhishek Shukla

A wise man is someone who knows how to convert obstacles into resources.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Groucho Marx

I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Carl Von Clausewitz

The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.

By Anonym 16 Sep

Suzanne Wright

I'm an angel. The horns are only there to hold up the halo.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Groucho Marx

Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Corey Ford

Properly trained, a man can be dog's best friend.

By Anonym 16 Sep

Iris Murdoch

I said, "Your brother is in bed with my wife." I added, "I just took them up some wine in bed.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Eva Marcille

I've been blessed, because the type I started in was competition based. It was about being witty and smart and innovative and different. I don't get backlash like some of the reality shows today because that's not who I am.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Lily Tomlin

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.

By Anonym 17 Sep

Abhishek Shukla

No body is a looser either he is a Winner or a Learner

By Anonym 13 Sep

Samuel Goldwyn

A bachelor's life is no life for a single man.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Lana Turner

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

By Anonym 17 Sep

A. G. Starling

[Lizzie Bennington to a reporter who has asked for her opinion about Jack Archer's celebrated thighs.] “When you come back from a set down and bring the match to a final set tiebreak and are a point away from winning the match, only to have what looks like an extremely fit player call a time out because of a cramp and then watch that player sit back and casually converse and laugh while you do your best to keep your mental focus and your body moving so you don’t grow cold and cramp yourself, I hardly think you’d concern yourself with his burgeoning manhood, let alone his thighs!

By Anonym 16 Sep

Lyndsay Faye

I looked up in curiosity. Behind us stood the Brown and Eagle Wool Warehouse and Schneider's Cap Factory, both constructed with that wholehearted devotion to industry that sullied the word architecture.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Stewart Stafford

A psychic told me I could be a medium. I told her that was impossible as I'm an extra large!

By Anonym 15 Sep

Aesop

We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.

By Anonym 17 Sep

Abhishek Shukla

Memories of the past are what drive us, whether to a life of beauty or a life of insanity is up to us.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Mary Jo Putney

A witty vicar once said that a good marriage is like a pair of scissors with the couple inseparable joined, often moving in opposite directions, yet always destroying anyone who comes between them. The trick is for the blades to learn to work smoothly together, so as not to cut each other.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Stewart Stafford

A beach bum is just a blue-collar lounge lizard without a roof over their head.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Ron White

The next time you have a thought... let it go.

By Anonym 16 Sep

Holly Hood

I wanted to play with death, like a child with a new toy, I wanted to push all the buttons and see what would happen.

By Anonym 20 Sep

Emma Richler

You know how there are words that never really—they are never really quite right. You can't quite trust them. Use them. You know. Without pause.' 'There are words I stare at,' Zach says. 'Strange. Every time. Misled, that's one. I see mizzled. And unshed. I read unched.' 'Me too! But that's a different thing—except, now you mention it, it's odd about unshed, that it's only for tears. Mostly. Hardly ever blood, for instance, you don't see unshed blood. Unched. Not really.' 'Not in my case anyway. Mine sheds all over the joint! I'm a bleeder all right.

By Anonym 19 Sep

David Eddings

The queen sighed. "What am I going to do with all of you now!" "You're going to let us continue our journey," Belgarath replied calmly. "We'll argue about it, of course, but in the end that's the way it'll turn out." She stared at him. "You did ask, after all. I'm sure you feel better now that you know.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Woody Allen

I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Mark Twain

One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Dwight D. Eisenhower

Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.

By Anonym 20 Sep

Holly Hood

You like? she asked Slade. He gave her a head nod and she vanished behind the curtain. That's my sister, he said, pointing at the closed curtain. I shrugged. "I'm glad you guys are so close.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Don Marquis

A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists.