Best 893 of Witty quotes - MyQuotes

By Anonym 13 Sep

Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

A clever man commits no minor blunders.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Carol Burnett

Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.

By Anonym 20 Sep

Benny Bellamacina

You can label jam, you can't label man

By Anonym 19 Sep

Keary Taylor

(…) Trying to think of how to take the least crowded ways to class, so the least amount of people will stare at the hole in my neck. Sometimes it feels like it has a beacon in it, flashing for the entire world to see, except it's not cool like the Bat signal.

By Anonym 16 Sep

George Watsky

How come if people keep telling me I'm so smart, I keep doing such stupid things?

By Anonym 13 Sep

Mary Jo Putney

A witty vicar once said that a good marriage is like a pair of scissors with the couple inseparable joined, often moving in opposite directions, yet always destroying anyone who comes between them. The trick is for the blades to learn to work smoothly together, so as not to cut each other.

By Anonym 15 Sep

John Quiggin

The term "rational" and its variants (rationality, rationalism) are used in a lot of contexts in economic debate, both positively and negatively, but nearly always sloppily or dishonestly. A specimen I've seen on more occasions than I can count is the line (usually presented with a sense of witty originality) "if you are opposed to economic rationalism, you must be in favor of economic irrationalism"... I've come to the conclusion that the word "rational" has no meaning that cannot better be conveyed by some alternative term and that the best advice is probably to avoid it altogether.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Dave Chappelle

I wish I had more hands, so I could give those titties four thumbs down!

By Anonym 15 Sep

Amit Kalantri

Asking someone else to drive your sports car is like asking someone else to kiss your girlfriend.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Ann Landers

Know yourself. Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.

By Anonym 19 Sep

Abhishek Shukla

Two powerful factors which creates difference between destroying your relationship and deepening it are EGO and Attitude

By Anonym 19 Sep

Abhishek Shukla

The most important subject in the curriculum in the future years will be how to love ourselves and be content.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Benjamin Errett

Does drinking make you wittier? One might as well ask if witting makes you drinkier, which it may.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Alistair Begg

A good church is a Bible-centered church. Nothing is as important as this--not a large congregation, a witty pastor, or tangible experiences of the Holy Spirit.

By Anonym 19 Sep

Sophie Kinsella

They were even talking about buying a bodyguard, can you believe it? I mean, what on earth would I look like, turning up with a bodyguard? Actually, I'd look pretty cool and mysterious, wouldn't I? That might have been quite a good idea.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Mary Wortley Montagu

As marriage produces children, so children produce care and disputes; and wrangling.

By Anonym 16 Sep

John Flanagan

Halt regarded him. He loved Horace like a younger brother. Even like a second son, after will. He admired his skill with a sword and his courage in battle. But sometimes, just sometimes, he felt an overwhelming desire to ram the young warrior's head against a convenient tree.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Sydney J. Harris

The time to relax is when you don't have time for it.

By Anonym 20 Sep

David Eddings

You're impossible," she told him. "Of course I am," he answered. "It's part of my charm.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Larry David

Weathermen merely forecast rain to keep everyone else off the golf course

By Anonym 13 Sep

Adolph Ochs

Advertising in the final analysis should be news. If it is not news it is worthless.

By Anonym 16 Sep

Olivia Fuller

It was the day he learned that smart, witty girls were brighter than sunlight.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Abhishek Shukla

Always follow your dreams with confidence and conviction, don’t fall for the trap of dream killers

By Anonym 13 Sep

Woody Allen

I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Richard Helms

A zen couch potato is a person who contemplates the nature of televised existence.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Abhishek Shukla

Being Wise & Being Smart are two different things anyone can be smart but those who master the art of knowing what to overlook in this journey called life deserves to be called Wise

By Anonym 13 Sep

Louise Jameson

I'm hopefully touring with Colin Baker next year in Perfect Strangers. I have performed with Sylvia Simms in poetry and music evenings. I would love to do those for the rest of my career - they are so fun and witty.

By Anonym 16 Sep

Rachel Hartman

His hair had clearly been up all night having adventures without him.

By Anonym 17 Sep

Tamora Pierce

Mistresses, have you ever noticed that when we disagree with a male- I hesitate to say 'man'- or find ourselves in a position over males, the first comment they make is always about our reputations or our monthlies?

By Anonym 16 Sep

Craig Silvey

I'd sneer and tell him he's got the cerebral finesse of an amoeba and delight in his squint of confusion.

By Anonym 20 Sep

Captain Jack Sparrow

Why Fight When You Can Negotiate?

By Anonym 16 Sep

Amit Kalantri

I decided to do the easy task of changing situations and conditions by being a hero, than staying back to do the difficult task of changing people by being just a man.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Mark Twain

Nothing spoils a good story like the arrival of an eyewitness.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Groucho Marx

If women dressed for men, the stores wouldn't sell much - just an occasional sun visor.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Truman Capote

The good thing about masturbation is that you don't have to get dressed up for it.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Norbert Wiener

The best material model of a cat is another, or preferably the same, cat.

By Anonym 18 Sep

Amit Kalantri

Parents expect only two things from their children, obedience in their childhood and respect in their adulthood.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Sue Grafton

If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Groucho Marx

Room service? Send up a larger room.

By Anonym 20 Sep

Xondra Day

When I die cremate me so I can finally fit into something small.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Shahrukh Khan

I don't write cheques anymore because I end up signing them "with love, shan rukh

By Anonym 13 Sep

Charlie Pierce

If you ever become a mother, can I have one of the puppies?

By Anonym 14 Sep

Lord Chesterfield

Observe it, the vulgar often laugh, but never smile, whereas well-bred people often smile, and seldom or never laugh. A witty thing never excited laughter, it pleases only the mind and never distorts the countenance.

By Anonym 17 Sep

Brian Spellman

Of course I had to talk to myself. I had no prayer God. I had no prayer doG. Why not reverse bark and froth and recite verse?

By Anonym 15 Sep

Dianne Feinstein

Toughness doesn't have to come in a pinstripe suit.

By Anonym 18 Sep

Derek Landy

The door handle turned. Someone knocked, and a man's voice called, "Uh, hello?" Valkyrie looked at Skulduggery, looked back at the others, looked at Skulduggery again. "Hello," Skulduggery said, speaking loudly to be heard over the alarm. "Hi," said the man. "The door's locked." "Is it?" "Yes." "That's funny" said Skulduggery. "Hold on a moment." He reached out, jiggled the handle a few times, then stepped back. "Yes, it's locked. You wouldn't happen to have the key, would you?" There was a delay in response from the other side. "I'm sorry," the man called, "Who am I speaking with?" Skulduggery tilted his head. "Who am I speaking with?" "This is Oscar Nightfall." "Are you sure?" "What?" "Are you sure you are who you say you are? This is the Great Chamber, after all. It's a very important place for very important people. It is not beyond the realms of possibility that someone, and I'm not saying that this applies to you in particular, but someone could conceivably lie about who they are in order to gain access to this room. I have to be vigilant, especially now. There's a war on, you know." Oscar Nightfall sounded puzzled. Who are you?" "Me? I'm nobody. I'm a cleaner. I'm one of the cleaners. I was cleaning the thrones and the door shut behind me. Now I can't get out. Could you try and find a key?" "What's your name? Give me you name." "No. It's mine." "Tell me your name!" "My name is Oscar Nightfall." "What? No it isn't. That's my name." "Is it? Since when?" "Since I took it!" "You didn't ask me if you could take it. I was using it first." "Open this door immediately." "I don't have the key." "I'll fetch the Cleavers." "I found the key. It was in the keyhole. It's always the last place you look isn't it? I'm unlocking the door now. Here we go." Skulduggery relaxed the air pressure, opened the door, and pulled Oscar Nightfall inside. Valkyrie stuck out her foot, and Oscar stumbled over it and Vex shoved him to Ghastly and Ghastly punched him. Oscar fell down and didn't get up again. Skulduggery closed the door once more.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Mita Jain

As the nicknames get shorter, people come closer.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Susan Sontag

Surrealism in painting amounted to little more than the contents of a meagerly stocked dream world: a few witty fantasies, mostly wet dreams and agoraphobic nightmares.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Nights Raven

Did we really come all that way?" She asked. "Time flies when you're scared out of your mind." He answered.

By Anonym 16 Sep

Abhishek Shukla

Its all about perception in life, For some One minus One = One & for some its Zero.That's the only difference.