Best 893 of Witty quotes - MyQuotes
Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe
A clever man commits no minor blunders.
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
You can label jam, you can't label man
(…) Trying to think of how to take the least crowded ways to class, so the least amount of people will stare at the hole in my neck. Sometimes it feels like it has a beacon in it, flashing for the entire world to see, except it's not cool like the Bat signal.
How come if people keep telling me I'm so smart, I keep doing such stupid things?
Mary Jo Putney
A witty vicar once said that a good marriage is like a pair of scissors with the couple inseparable joined, often moving in opposite directions, yet always destroying anyone who comes between them. The trick is for the blades to learn to work smoothly together, so as not to cut each other.
The term "rational" and its variants (rationality, rationalism) are used in a lot of contexts in economic debate, both positively and negatively, but nearly always sloppily or dishonestly. A specimen I've seen on more occasions than I can count is the line (usually presented with a sense of witty originality) "if you are opposed to economic rationalism, you must be in favor of economic irrationalism"... I've come to the conclusion that the word "rational" has no meaning that cannot better be conveyed by some alternative term and that the best advice is probably to avoid it altogether.
I wish I had more hands, so I could give those titties four thumbs down!
Asking someone else to drive your sports car is like asking someone else to kiss your girlfriend.
Know yourself. Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.
Two powerful factors which creates difference between destroying your relationship and deepening it are EGO and Attitude
The most important subject in the curriculum in the future years will be how to love ourselves and be content.
Does drinking make you wittier? One might as well ask if witting makes you drinkier, which it may.
A good church is a Bible-centered church. Nothing is as important as this--not a large congregation, a witty pastor, or tangible experiences of the Holy Spirit.
They were even talking about buying a bodyguard, can you believe it? I mean, what on earth would I look like, turning up with a bodyguard? Actually, I'd look pretty cool and mysterious, wouldn't I? That might have been quite a good idea.
Mary Wortley Montagu
As marriage produces children, so children produce care and disputes; and wrangling.
Halt regarded him. He loved Horace like a younger brother. Even like a second son, after will. He admired his skill with a sword and his courage in battle. But sometimes, just sometimes, he felt an overwhelming desire to ram the young warrior's head against a convenient tree.
Sydney J. Harris
The time to relax is when you don't have time for it.
You're impossible," she told him. "Of course I am," he answered. "It's part of my charm.
Weathermen merely forecast rain to keep everyone else off the golf course
Advertising in the final analysis should be news. If it is not news it is worthless.
It was the day he learned that smart, witty girls were brighter than sunlight.
Always follow your dreams with confidence and conviction, don’t fall for the trap of dream killers
I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.
A zen couch potato is a person who contemplates the nature of televised existence.
Being Wise & Being Smart are two different things anyone can be smart but those who master the art of knowing what to overlook in this journey called life deserves to be called Wise
I'm hopefully touring with Colin Baker next year in Perfect Strangers. I have performed with Sylvia Simms in poetry and music evenings. I would love to do those for the rest of my career - they are so fun and witty.
His hair had clearly been up all night having adventures without him.
Mistresses, have you ever noticed that when we disagree with a male- I hesitate to say 'man'- or find ourselves in a position over males, the first comment they make is always about our reputations or our monthlies?
I'd sneer and tell him he's got the cerebral finesse of an amoeba and delight in his squint of confusion.
Why Fight When You Can Negotiate?
I decided to do the easy task of changing situations and conditions by being a hero, than staying back to do the difficult task of changing people by being just a man.
Nothing spoils a good story like the arrival of an eyewitness.
If women dressed for men, the stores wouldn't sell much - just an occasional sun visor.
The good thing about masturbation is that you don't have to get dressed up for it.
The best material model of a cat is another, or preferably the same, cat.
Parents expect only two things from their children, obedience in their childhood and respect in their adulthood.
If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them.
Room service? Send up a larger room.
When I die cremate me so I can finally fit into something small.
I don't write cheques anymore because I end up signing them "with love, shan rukh
If you ever become a mother, can I have one of the puppies?
Observe it, the vulgar often laugh, but never smile, whereas well-bred people often smile, and seldom or never laugh. A witty thing never excited laughter, it pleases only the mind and never distorts the countenance.
Of course I had to talk to myself. I had no prayer God. I had no prayer doG. Why not reverse bark and froth and recite verse?
Toughness doesn't have to come in a pinstripe suit.
The door handle turned. Someone knocked, and a man's voice called, "Uh, hello?" Valkyrie looked at Skulduggery, looked back at the others, looked at Skulduggery again. "Hello," Skulduggery said, speaking loudly to be heard over the alarm. "Hi," said the man. "The door's locked." "Is it?" "Yes." "That's funny" said Skulduggery. "Hold on a moment." He reached out, jiggled the handle a few times, then stepped back. "Yes, it's locked. You wouldn't happen to have the key, would you?" There was a delay in response from the other side. "I'm sorry," the man called, "Who am I speaking with?" Skulduggery tilted his head. "Who am I speaking with?" "This is Oscar Nightfall." "Are you sure?" "What?" "Are you sure you are who you say you are? This is the Great Chamber, after all. It's a very important place for very important people. It is not beyond the realms of possibility that someone, and I'm not saying that this applies to you in particular, but someone could conceivably lie about who they are in order to gain access to this room. I have to be vigilant, especially now. There's a war on, you know." Oscar Nightfall sounded puzzled. Who are you?" "Me? I'm nobody. I'm a cleaner. I'm one of the cleaners. I was cleaning the thrones and the door shut behind me. Now I can't get out. Could you try and find a key?" "What's your name? Give me you name." "No. It's mine." "Tell me your name!" "My name is Oscar Nightfall." "What? No it isn't. That's my name." "Is it? Since when?" "Since I took it!" "You didn't ask me if you could take it. I was using it first." "Open this door immediately." "I don't have the key." "I'll fetch the Cleavers." "I found the key. It was in the keyhole. It's always the last place you look isn't it? I'm unlocking the door now. Here we go." Skulduggery relaxed the air pressure, opened the door, and pulled Oscar Nightfall inside. Valkyrie stuck out her foot, and Oscar stumbled over it and Vex shoved him to Ghastly and Ghastly punched him. Oscar fell down and didn't get up again. Skulduggery closed the door once more.
As the nicknames get shorter, people come closer.
Surrealism in painting amounted to little more than the contents of a meagerly stocked dream world: a few witty fantasies, mostly wet dreams and agoraphobic nightmares.
Did we really come all that way?" She asked. "Time flies when you're scared out of your mind." He answered.
Its all about perception in life, For some One minus One = One & for some its Zero.That's the only difference.