Best 893 of Witty quotes - MyQuotes
Is that the biggest favor your vocal cords have done to anyone this week?
I only do one thing at a time; otherwise, I get confused and then I can't trick you.
These seats taken?" Chloe gestured at at the empty chairs. Amber nodded. "What, by all your imaginary friends?" "Yes, actually," Amber snapped. "And they are way better company than you.
If it were done when 'tis done, then 'twere well. It were done quickly.
Every person has his secret; in reverie, unbeknown to others, he finds peace, freedom, sorrow and love.
You will have relatively less problems to solve, if you don't confuse problems with inconveniences.
Charles De Gaulle
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
This is what is called speaking. I believe that is the term. When words come out, fly into the air, live for a moment, and die. Strange, is it not? I myself have no opinion. No and no again. But still, there are words you will need to have. There are many of them. Many millions, I think. Perhaps only three or four. Excuse me. But I am doing well today. So much better than usual. If I can give you the words you need to have, it will be a great victory. Thank you. Thank you a million times over.
At least as coherent as the Gettysburg Address backwards in Albanian, anyway.
Freud is all nonsense; the secret of neurosis is to be found in the family battle of wills to see who can refuse the longest to help with the dishes.
Please don't arrest me." "Listen to me, I'm not going to arrest you, ok? I'm not a cop." "Are you sure?" "Am I sure I'm not a cop? yes, I'm sure." "You could be undercover.
The humorous story is American, the comic story is English, the witty story is French.
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
It was your destiny - let us hope it will prove a glorious one.
Pornography: That which excites, whether from approval or disapproval.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.
I wish I had more hands, so I could give those titties four thumbs down!
He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up
If we try to see something positive in everything we do, life won't necessarily become easier but it becomes more valuable.
A person with a sharp tongue will eventually cut themselves.
Growing older doesn't mean that you are more mature than everyone who is younger than you. Maturity is a lot of things, and age has nothing to do with it.
Nicholas Murray Butler
An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less.
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
I don't use big words to show off because it's ostentatious.
Don’t be afraid of failures it takes courage to try new things & only those who try create History.
Guys like him? They were the worst kind. All looks and no heart. Guys not like him? They were all deceiving, freaking asshats.
Happiness is within without sadness....
Gankis lifted an arm to point at the distant shale cliffs. "And in the face of it there were thousands of little holes, little what-you-call-'ems..." "Alcoves," Kennit supplied in an almost dreamy voice. "I call them alcoves, Gankis. As would you, if you could speak your own mother tongue.
Men weigh love with hands.
The next time you have a thought... let it go.
IF you want to be a winner than follow one simple rule and feed it in your mind. Take each task and work as " Do it yourself project.
In the end it will be your “Actions” “Convictions” & “Thoughts” which will determine how you shaped your life.
What were you supposed to say to people you barely knew? That was the kind of thing I needed lessons in - forget algebra and history.
The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver.
I know that you’re worried about me, but crushing my lungs isn’t going to help anyone.
I don't kill flies but I like to mess with their minds. I hold them above globes. They freak out and yell, 'Whoa, I'm way too high!'
I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host.
It's absolutely impossible, but it has possibilities.
Auntie Wu took special pride in two of her accomplishments--the sons she bore and the flowers she grew. They were equally useless, but the flowers smelled better.
Achievement of your happiness is the only moral purpose of your life, and that happiness, not pain or mindless self-indulgence, is the proof of your moral integrity, since it is the proof and the result of your loyalty to the achievement of your values.
Time change - Moments don't.
Karl Wilhelm Friedrich Schlegel
Wit is the appearance, the external flash, of fantasy. Hence its divinity and the similarity to the wit of mysticism.
Every two years the American politics industry fills the airwaves with the most virulent, scurrilous, wall-to-wall character assassination of nearly every political practitioner in the country - and then declares itself puzzled that America has lost trust in its politicians.
You know how there are words that never really—they are never really quite right. You can't quite trust them. Use them. You know. Without pause.' 'There are words I stare at,' Zach says. 'Strange. Every time. Misled, that's one. I see mizzled. And unshed. I read unched.' 'Me too! But that's a different thing—except, now you mention it, it's odd about unshed, that it's only for tears. Mostly. Hardly ever blood, for instance, you don't see unshed blood. Unched. Not really.' 'Not in my case anyway. Mine sheds all over the joint! I'm a bleeder all right.
A wise man is someone who knows how to convert obstacles into resources.
Any life-form advanced enough to travel light-years through interstellar space would have nothing to learn by probing the rectums of farmers in Kansas.
One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.
Childhood friends are continuity, uninterrupted connections between selves, and you hold on them. You hold on them and you love them, but sometimes they're not quite comfortable.