Best 87 of Masturbation quotes - MyQuotes

By Anonym 17 Sep

Abhijit Naskar

Masturbation and meditation both promote physical and mental wellbeing.

By Anonym 18 Sep

Missy Welsh

Remember how it felt yesterday? What you saw me do?” I snorted and grinned. “Man, do I ever. I remembered twice last night and again this morning.

By Anonym 13 Sep

George Carlin

If God had intended us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Robert Anton Wilson

Masturbation is not the happiest form of sexuality, but the most advisable for him who wants to be alone and think.

By Anonym 17 Sep

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Not everyone who condemns masturbation can masturbate.

By Anonym 18 Sep

Samuel Beckett

Real scratching is superior to masturbation, in my opinion. One can masturbate up to the age of seventy, and even beyond, but in the end it becomes a mere habit. Whereas to scratch myself properly I would have needed a dozen hands. I itched all over, on the privates, in the bush up to the navel, under the arms, in the arse, and then patches of eczema and psoriasis that I could set raging merely by thinking of them. It was in the arse I had the most pleasure, I stuck in my forefinger up to the knuckle. Later, if I had to shit, the pain was atrocious. But I hardly shat any more.

By Anonym 16 Sep

Steven L. Sheppard

I think I know what he is REALLY doing in there... and thinking about ME while doing it." (continuing) "But when he thinks of me, he thinks: sister! Think: Byblis! BYBLIS! I don't think of him as my brother, I think of him as CAUNUS!

By Anonym 15 Sep

Johnny Depp

This is a rumour-filled society and if people want to sit around and talk about whom I've dated, then I'd say they have a lot of spare time and should consider other topics... or masturbation.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Sigmund Freud

The only shame in masturbation is the shame of not doing it well.

By Anonym 16 Sep

Anna Bayes

I just want mind-boggling sex tonight, but I don’t think you can beat my vibrator.

By Anonym 16 Sep

Saroj Aryal

Everything you do with thoughts in mind is masturbation, the real thing is somewhere else.

By Anonym 19 Sep

Steven Magee

The USA is turning into a nation filled with insane masturbators.

By Anonym 17 Sep

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Most if not all sexually active people do not really love having sex; they merely love experiencing an orgasm every now and then.

By Anonym 18 Sep

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Some people are so sexually unattractive that the thought of masturbating turns them off.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Slavoj Zizek

Love is what makes sex more than masturbation. If there is no love even if you are really with a partner you masturbate with a partner.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Red Peters

When I'm all alone and I'm by myself, little Peter keeps me company.

By Anonym 16 Sep

Eve Ensler

In the nineteenth century, girls who learned to develop orgasmic capacity by masturbation were regarded as medical problems. Often they were 'treated' or 'corrected' by amputation or cautery of the clitoris or 'miniature chastity belts,' sewing the vaginal lips together to put the clitoris out of reach, and even castration by surgical removal of the ovaries. But there are no references in the medical literature to the surgical removal of testicles or amputation of the penis to stop masturbation in boys. In the United States, the last recorded clitoridectomy for curing masturbation was performed in 1948-- on a five-year-old girl.

By Anonym 19 Sep

Colin Nissan

There will be others, many others. You’ll try desperately to digest a single word through the acronym-laden gibberish, while beginning to wonder what the point of all this is, and also why you didn’t feel that staple you just sent into your thigh. You usually do. You’ll wonder what your company even does. After six years, you have no idea what an information system is, do you? Maybe you should ask. Maybe that’s how this ends. You’ll imagine how poetic it would be to simply unmute yourself and say, “Sorry to interrupt, guys, but what’s an information system?” Still, your mind will drift further, envisioning how much more tolerable this call would be if you could just slowly masturbate during it. So you do. You masturbate during it. And it’s beautiful. Masturbating, invisible within your three-walled fortress. Invisible… invisible… practically invisible.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Clive Barker

Writing a book is like masturbation, and making a movie is like an orgy.

By Anonym 17 Sep

Trevor Carss

Nothing cures depression like a quality jerk-off session in the bathtub, followed by a jog around the block.

By Anonym 17 Sep

Steven Magee

One of my specialties is insane masturbators.

By Anonym 20 Sep

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

When it comes to sex: some men treat women as objects; some women treat objects as men.

By Anonym 14 Sep

James Joyce

Masturbation! The amazing availability of it!

By Anonym 13 Sep

Franz Grillparzer

German radicalism: freedom-masturbation.

By Anonym 18 Sep

Samuel Beckett

Real scratching is superior to masturbation, in my opinion.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Stephen Chbosky

Do you know what 'masturbation' is? I think you probably do because you are older than me. But just in case, I will tell you. Masturbation is when you rub your genitals until you have an orgasm. Wow!

By Anonym 17 Sep

Tom Perrotta

Next time she’d have to ask him to keep the light on while he did it, so she could watch his face. That was the best part of the whole thing as far as she was concerned, the way a guy’s face contorted so violently and then relaxed, as if some terrible mystery had just been solved.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Joycelyn Elders

We know that more than seventy to eighty percent of women masturbate, and ninety percent of men masturbate, and the rest lie.

By Anonym 18 Sep

Chloe Thurlow

Squirting isn’t easy, it has to be said. Then, neither is riding a unicycle. Just as some people sweat more than others, or eat more than others, some girls erupt in surging geysers of vaginal fluids with greater facility and in more generous quantities than others.

By Anonym 17 Sep

Mark Twain

Of all the various kinds of sexual intercourse, this has the least to recommend it. As an amusement, it is too fleeting; as an occupation, it is too wearing; as a public exhibition, there is no money in it. It is unsuited to the drawing room, and in the most cultured society it has long been banished from the social board. It has at last, in our day of progress and improvement, been degraded to brotherhood with flatulence. Among the best bred, these two arts are now indulged in only private--though by consent of the whole company, when only males are present, it is still permissible, in good society, to remove the embargo on the fundamental sigh.

By Anonym 16 Sep

Rajeev Singh

How would it look in the newspaper - Lonely sex-crazed youngster pays a heavy price for touching himself too hard in Fanny Leone’s name. What would his body look like: sprawled over Fanny's nude picture, still clasping his organ as if it meant more to him than anything else in the world? How many people died with their pants down, their freakiness becoming the stuff of lewd gossip, the butt of every joke at every corner of the country? They died a thousand deaths all the way to hell and even afterwards and he didn't want to be one of them.

By Anonym 18 Sep

Seanan Mcguire

Parthenogenesis means never having your mother tell you to stop doing that or you'll go blind.

By Anonym 19 Sep

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

The primary goal of a righteous parent who has a daughter is to minimize the number of boys and men for whom their daughter will have willingly opened her legs come her wedding day; the closer to zero, the more righteous they will seem.

By Anonym 18 Sep

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Our sexual pleasure happens within us, not on or inside our partners’ genitals.

By Anonym 16 Sep

Edmund White

If a writer has the desire to communicate by writing and be heard, then he necessarily cares about seeing it in print. I suppose it's the difference between masturbation and making love—the real writer wants to touch another person.

By Anonym 19 Sep

Becky Albertalli

There are some socks that shouldn't be washed by your mom.

By Anonym 17 Sep

Abhijit Naskar

Masturbating is no more sinful than praying or meditating.

By Anonym 16 Sep

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

For the most expensive way to realize an orgasm, men open their wallets. For the cheapest, they close their eyes.

By Anonym 18 Sep

Chloe Thurlow

Reading - like masturbation - is something you do alone and very little in life brings more pleasure.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Jeremy Piven

If masturbation is a crime then I should be on death row.

By Anonym 16 Sep

Saroj Aryal

Everything you do wih thoughts in mind is masturbation, the real thing is somewhere else.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Joycelyn Elders

[On masturbation:] I think that it is part of human sexuality, and perhaps it should be taught.

By Anonym 20 Sep

Olivia T. Turner

What were you doing to it in my bed?” “Touching it.” “How? Show me.

By Anonym 16 Sep

Harald Schjelderup

En ting er fagkyndig analyse, en annen ting kvaksalveranalyse og onaniterapi.

By Anonym 17 Sep

Robert Anton Wilson

Masturbation is not the happiest form of sexuality, but the most advisable for him who wants to be alone and think. I detect the aroma of this pleasant vice in most philosophers, and a happily married logicians is almost a contradiction in terms. So many sages have regarded Woman as temptress because fornication often leads to marriage, which usually leads to children, which always leads to a respectable job and pretending to believe the idiocies your neighbors believe. The hypocrisy of the sages has been to conceal their timid onanism and call it celibacy.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Toni Braxton

I can imagine you touching my private parts. With just the thought of you I can't help, but touch myself.

By Anonym 18 Sep

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

The intensity of the pleasure derived from an orgasm is compensation for its brevity.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Brad Pitt

Self improvement is masturbation. Now self destruction.

By Anonym 16 Sep

Nikki Sex

For most men, at the very least, sex is a daily deal. Men need to come. If they aren’t doing it with you, then they’re doing it with themselves – or worse, with someone else.

By Anonym 16 Sep

Mark Twain

Homer, in the second book of the Iliad says with fine enthusiasm, "Give me masturbation or give me death." Caesar, in his Commentaries, says, "To the lonely it is company; to the forsaken it is a friend; to the aged and to the impotent it is a benefactor. They that are penniless are yet rich, in that they still have this majestic diversion." In another place this experienced observer has said, "There are times when I prefer it to sodomy." Robinson Crusoe says, "I cannot describe what I owe to this gentle art." Queen Elizabeth said, "It is the bulwark of virginity." Cetewayo, the Zulu hero, remarked, "A jerk in the hand is worth two in the bush." The immortal Franklin has said, "Masturbation is the best policy." Michelangelo and all of the other old masters--"old masters," I will remark, is an abbreviation, a contraction--have used similar language. Michelangelo said to Pope Julius II, "Self-negation is noble, self-culture beneficent, self-possession is manly, but to the truly great and inspiring soul they are poor and tame compared with self-abuse." Mr. Brown, here, in one of his latest and most graceful poems, refers to it in an eloquent line which is destined to live to the end of time--"None knows it but to love it; none name it but to praise.