Best 722 of Sarcasm quotes - MyQuotes
George Bernard Shaw
The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.
Avoid sarcasm. Don't insist on the last word.
You can't expect them to wear a big sandwich board with spy on it or a special spying hat.
Snark often functions as an enforcer of mediocrity and conformity. In its cozy knowingness, snark flatters you by assuming that you get the contemptuous joke. You've been admitted, or readmitted, to a club, though it may be the club of the second-rate.
You’re being sarcastic.” “No, actually I was being flippant, but I can do sarcastic if you’d rather.
Do unto yourself as your Neighbours do unto Themselves and look Pleasant.
While you were out JUDGING others, you left your closet door open...and guess what fell out!....Ooops
A full glass of patience with a pinch of sarcasm is all you need to deal~
The fact that it took me eleven years to become an overnight success should also reassure him. It’s not my fault success has brought my unseemly arrogance and braggadocio to the surface: I was always thus tainted, but when you’re poor and unsuccessful it’s just vulgar ostentation to flaunt such character flaws: success wears very badly on me: I’m a sore winner. But those who have known and loved me through the Dismal Swamps of all the lies that are my life will testify that it is not merely the acquisition of pocket money that has made me an elitist. The seeds were always present. Only becoming a Writer of Stature has made them flower.
It is most remarkable that Lincoln, when he saw so much that was vulnerable in the leadership of the Church, did not move to the opposite error and become a scoffer.
My maid never sweeps under the bed so I asked her to do so today. Found a pen, three pairs of shoes and the man I had lost two years ago.
I ken who you are! You're Strathfearn's granddaughter. Julie Stuart, is it? Och, aye, Lady Julia! Well then, Lady Julia, tell me -- who don't you deserve a glass of water?
A consensus means that everyone agrees to say collectively what no one believes individually.
As soon as I entered the hall, everyone stopped talking. Clearly, as in most places like this one, gossip had spread faster than I could walk. That didn’t bother me, not now. Taking a deep breath, I announced my arrival – ‘Alex’ style
All right, we need a way to get inot the palace. Any ideas?" "Ask nicely? Charge in? Fly? Wait, do you mean reasonable ones?
But the people only talked about how ugly her face looked. No one even bothered to mention what a sweet, kindhearted girl she was. Now, don’t be amazed! That is just the nature of humans, to notice the one flaw among a person’s ten good qualities.
... We are Nephilim; we fight our own battles." "That's not precisely true, is it?" said a velvety voice. It was Magnus Bane, wearing a long and glittering coat, multiple hoops in his ears, and a roguish expression. Clary had no idea where he'd come from. "You lot have used the help of warlocks on more than one occasion in the past, and paid handsomely for it too." Malachi scowled. "I don't remember the Clave inviting you into the Glass City, Magnus Bane." "They didn't," Magnus said. "Your wards are down." "Really?" the Consul's voice dripped sarcasm. "I hadn't noticed." Magnus looked concerned. "That's terrible. Someone should have told you." He glanced at Luke. "Tell him the wards are down.
Sometimes we know people who are too wonderful for words. I am not one of them. Or you, for that matter, as you well know.
I’d heard street food was a big thing here in Mexico but I didn’t think it meant the creatures that lived on the street.
You really are a ray of sunshine, aren’t you?
The bourbon goes into the recipe, Miss Connor, not into you,” he’d said from directly behind me. He had a way of doing that, catching me in the act. I suppose the number of times I screwed up made me an easy mark. My spine straightened at the scolding, but my mouth did what it knew best. “Well, that’s just a waste of perfectly good bourbon if you ask me.
Arthur Conan Doyle
"There are one or two elementary rules to be observed in the way of handling patients," he remarked, seating himself on the table and swinging his legs. "The most obvious is that you must never let them see that you want them. It should be pure condescension on your part seeing them at all; and the more difficulties you throw in the way of it, the more they think of it. Break your patients in early, and keep them well to heel.
The building is a tumbling house of cards behind me. The bus bitches are paper cutouts.
On the line beside Describe your family, I wrote, "Bad." What is your favorite subject in school? "None." List three of your favorite activities. "Soccer, ballet, and fighting." Two of those favorite activities were lies but one of them was the truth. I am fond of fighting.
And her dumplings were so light they would float in the air and you'd have to catch 'em to eat 'em.
...Peabody had better retire to her bed; she is clearly in need of recuperative sleep, she has not made a sarcastic remark for fully ten minutes.
My natural-born sarcasm, when it's unimpeded, can be a bit overbearing at times and I'm the first to admit that.
As my laughter faded, he shot me an amused glance. "You should laugh more often. It's far less nauseating than your speaking voice." "That may be the nicest thing you've ever said to me." "Don't let it go to your head.
When friends become overfriendly - smell fish!
don't be angry with the gentleman for thinking, whatever be the cause, for I assure you he makes no common practice of offending in that way.
Chris had been a genuinely nice guy – a guy with a warm heart and friendly demeanour. What’s more, he, Mortimer, had lived and laughed alongside him – something his dead companions didn’t exactly evoke. OK. So they had their uses from time to time and offered him company when he desired it. Even so, that was it. They were dead, not living. Anyway, their conversations weren’t exactly inspiring.
Sarcasm... the protest of those who are weak.
Nothing is as irritating as the fellow who chats pleasantly while he's overcharging you.
When it rains it pours and when it shines you get melanoma.
I know that you’re worried about me, but crushing my lungs isn’t going to help anyone.
Hello, Mrs. Tran...I have David's homework. And if you ever want to see it again, you'll pay me the two million dollars I asked for.
Arch turned and looked at Ian. The other man was fiddling with the neckline of his shirt. “You're just jealous, Ian, and wishing you had a soul mate of your own. In fact, I don't think any woman will be safe until you get one.” Ian shot him an unamused look at his words.
Thomas: Is it [my brain] fixed? Brenda: It worked, judging from the fact that you're not trying to kill us anymore...
Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.
I couldn’t very well make a special delivery to the door of the constabulary now could I? And he’d have made the perfect scapegoat. That aura of misery he wraps himself in. So Byronesque. He’s too immersed in his own guilt to ever suspect it in another.
He has got no good red blood in his body," said Sir James. "No. Somebody put a drop under a magnifying glass, and it was all semicolons and parentheses," said Mrs. Cadwallader.
Marion: What is all this? What's going on? Clint: The same thing that's always going on. The end of the world.
Frank Lloyd Wright
Many wealthy people are little more than janitors of their possessions.
When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
Whatever you are, do not even assume that you will be surrounded and gnawed by luxurious worms of an exquisite breed.
He's crazy," Bruno said, twirling a finger in circles around the side of his head and whistling to indicate just how crazy he thought he was. "He went up to a cat on the street the other day and invited her over for afternoon tea." "What did the cat say?" asked Gretel, who was making a sandwich in the corner of the kitchen. "Nothing." explained Bruno. "It was a cat.
I do sarcasm really poorly.
The atmosphere of Venus consists of ammonia, sulfur, and nitric oxide. Man must have lived there once.
When a young man begins to go down hill everything seems to be greased for the occasion.
That's a good attitude. You should hate me more, curse me more, and detest me! Then you should take the power of that hatred and use it to survive this rotten world.