Best 722 of Sarcasm quotes - MyQuotes

By Anonym 19 Sep

Terry Pratchett

Well, child? Aren't you going to try to turn me into some kind of unspeakable creature? I don't think I shall bother, madam, seeing as you are making such a good job of it yourself!

By Anonym 16 Sep

Gerald Morris

For appearances. Now there's a lovely thing to die for.

By Anonym 18 Sep

Ljupka Cvetanova

The King is naked! If only he was a Prince!

By Anonym 15 Sep

Suzanne Collins

And that, my friends, is how a revolution dies. -Haymitch Abernathy

By Anonym 14 Sep

Nick Moran

My brothers are both 6 ft. 5 in., and if you have younger brothers who are bigger than you then you have to learn the ancient martial art of sarcasm.

By Anonym 16 Sep

Maria Malonzo

How’s your first week so far?” Isabele asks. “Well, let me see,” I begin. “Chloe says my penmanship is shit, and I was only thirty minutes early this morning, which apparently means I’m late, but on the bright side, she thinks her non-fat, half-sweet, no-whip soy latte didn’t taste right and then she told me she’s not paying for it. Other than that, work is just fine.

By Anonym 20 Sep

Nenia Campbell

You couldn't find your dick in the dark, you scheming, sleaze-mongering scumwad.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Mark Twain

I have been complimented many times and they always embarrass me; I always feel that they have not said enough.

By Anonym 20 Sep

Abhaidev

Yes, I curse God all the time. On some days for giving us such a short life, and on others for giving us such a long one.

By Anonym 16 Sep

Robin Hobb

Gankis lifted an arm to point at the distant shale cliffs. "And in the face of it there were thousands of little holes, little what-you-call-'ems..." "Alcoves," Kennit supplied in an almost dreamy voice. "I call them alcoves, Gankis. As would you, if you could speak your own mother tongue.

By Anonym 16 Sep

Theodore Dalrymple

Facts are much more malleable than prejudices.

By Anonym 18 Sep

Ljupka Cvetanova

Repeat a lie a thousand times and it become a successful political campaign.

By Anonym 16 Sep

Julie Murphy

I don’t like to think of my hips as a nuisance, but more of an asset. I mean, if this were, like 1642, my whole birthing hips would be worth many cows or something.

By Anonym 16 Sep

Susan Juby

Got anything to eat?" I asked. "You know where the gas station is," said my incredibly nurturing and maternal mother.

By Anonym 16 Sep

Sean Feucht

I believe sarcasm is the passive form of rudeness and should not be tolerated in the Body of Christ.

By Anonym 20 Sep

Adhish Mazumder

You jealous souls are primeval without a doubt, Teach yourself to eat better instead of trying to eat one's heart out.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Ashleigh Brilliant

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

By Anonym 16 Sep

Alyssa Rose Ivy

Innocent tourists? You make me sound like the big bad wolf.” “And you’re not?” I questioned. “Only if you’re Red Riding Hood,” he said flirtatiously. “Wow, that’s original.

By Anonym 16 Sep

Prashant Yadav

In the battle of DNAs, your DNA will always win against the DNA of your father.

By Anonym 16 Sep

Lani Lynn Vale

I don’t have a sense of humor anymore. It’s literally just sarcasm and a general hate of the majority of the human population. -Fact of Life

By Anonym 18 Sep

Karen Quan

Push my buttons, and I'll push you off a bridge.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Guy De Maupassant

And involuntarily I compared the childish sarcasm, the religious sarcasm of Voltaire with the irresistible irony of the German philosopher whose influence is henceforth ineffaceable.

By Anonym 20 Sep

Victoria Laurie

You’ve missed a lot of things. But mostly I think you’ve missed several opportunities to leave. Let me assist you to the door so that you won’t miss this next one.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Ambrose Bierce

Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.

By Anonym 18 Sep

Jaeda Dewalt

The creative process is a love story that never ends. The ideas are like suitors competing for your attention. You may have relationships, with multiple ideas, at once. You may devote yourself completely to one idea, for a awhile, but the affairs will never end. There will always be more ideas to romance and more concepts to develop. And all for that wonderful moment when you get to gaze at the complete creation and hold perfection in your arms, for one blissful moment... before your inner-critic starts tearing it to shreds.

By Anonym 16 Sep

Stephen Fry

It's now very common to hear people say, 'I'm rather offended by that.' As if that gives them certain rights. It's actually nothing more... than a whine. 'I find that offensive.' It has no meaning; it has no purpose; it has no reason to be respected as a phrase. 'I am offended by that.' Well, so fucking what." [I saw hate in a graveyard -- Stephen Fry, The Guardian, 5 June 2005]

By Anonym 14 Sep

Ashleigh Brilliant

I want either less corruption, or more chance to participate in it.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Will Rogers

When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.

By Anonym 16 Sep

Nenia Campbell

Everything's just fucking Disney with you.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Groucho Marx

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Mike Vogel

When my wife and I met, I couldn't talk to her - and my defense mechanism is sarcasm. I belittle someone with verbal pokes and prods. I did it to her out of complete awe. When friends introduced us, I said 'Hi' - and turned my back. Later, I called my mom and best friend and said, 'I think I just met my wife.'

By Anonym 14 Sep

Victor Borge

The difference between a violin and a viola is that a viola burns longer.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Mark Twain

I would like to live in Manchester, England. The transition between Manchester and death would be unnoticeable.

By Anonym 20 Sep

Mortal Engines

You can't expect them to wear a big sandwich board with spy on it or a special spying hat.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Rowan Atkinson

The clear problem of the outlawing of insult is that too many things can be interpreted as such. Criticism, ridicule, sarcasm, merely stating an alternative point of view to the orthodoxy, can be interpreted as insult.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Mora Early

Don't be ridiculous. Brussels sprouts are awful. Jail is just jail.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Kevin Hearne

come humans, fulfill your evolutionary purpose adn build your hound a fire." Oberon

By Anonym 19 Sep

Ellen Meister

Unlike your mother," she said, exhaling, "I told the culprit immediately. I thought at the very least he would visit me in the hospital after it was all done, but the son of a bitch sent me a get well card. Can you imagine? Serves me right for putting all my eggs in one bastard.

By Anonym 16 Sep

Karl Pilkington

I’d heard street food was a big thing here in Mexico but I didn’t think it meant the creatures that lived on the street.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Cristina Nemerovschi

Dacă tai în două un om prost, n-o să găsești sânge, ca la noi. O să găsești păreri. Are păreri despre orice, în special despre lucrurile de care n-are habar. Cu cât nu înțelege ceva, cu atât părerea lui va fi mai înverșunată. Și cu părerile astea trebuie să facă ceva, trebuie să le arate lumii. A căzut un camion într-o prăpastie? Păi, hai, ce faci, ce mai pierzi vremea? Spune cu cine ții: cu camionul sau cu prăpastia?

By Anonym 16 Sep

Nalini Singh

I don't need a mate,” she muttered, staring up at the bright circle of the early autumn moon. “But can't you send me a nice, sexy, strongmale to dance with? Pretty please?” She hadn't had a lover for close to eight months now, and it was starting to hurt on every level. “He doesn't even have to be smart, just good between the sheets.” Good enough to unsnap the tension in her body, allow her to function again. Because sex wasn't simply about pleasure for a cat like her—it was about affection, about trust, about everything good. “Though right this second, I'd take plain old hot sex.” That was when Riley walked out of the shadows. “Got an itch, kitty?” Snapping to her feet, she narrowed her eyes, knowing he had to have deliberately stayed downwind in order to sneak up on her. “Spying?” “When you're talking loud enough to wake the dead?” She swore she could feel steam coming out her ears.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Kevin Hearne

But there was no going back to that idyllic time when only one god wanted to kill me.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Oscar Levant

Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome.

By Anonym 18 Sep

Jennifer Bosworth

So the reason I was struck again and again was because of my overwhelmingly positive energy. Funny, I'd always thought of myself as a pessimist.

By Anonym 16 Sep

Megha Khare

It's easy to make women happier and busier. How? Buy her a talking mirror beside bitching it has to be programmed to say, "You are looking very beautiful and slimmer," at precisely every hour.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Ambrose Bierce

The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.

By Anonym 16 Sep

C. B. Cook

I’m fine, considering I can’t walk anymore,” Pam replied, a sarcastic edge in her voice. “You look like your bringing news. What is it this time, I’m blind?

By Anonym 13 Sep

Mark Twain

I find that the further I go back, the better things were, whether they happened or not.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Arthur Conan Doyle

His neighbor is a tooth-drawer. That bag at his girdle is full of the teeth that he drew at Winchester fair. I warrant that there are more sound ones than sorry, for he is quick at his work and a trifle dim in the eye.

By Anonym 17 Sep

Cherise Sinclair

Marcus stepped behind the bar, saying, “Dan sent me over to assist you and learn how to tend the bar.” Doms could be pain-in-the-ass mother hens.