Best 722 of Sarcasm quotes - MyQuotes
Well, child? Aren't you going to try to turn me into some kind of unspeakable creature? I don't think I shall bother, madam, seeing as you are making such a good job of it yourself!
For appearances. Now there's a lovely thing to die for.
The King is naked! If only he was a Prince!
And that, my friends, is how a revolution dies. -Haymitch Abernathy
My brothers are both 6 ft. 5 in., and if you have younger brothers who are bigger than you then you have to learn the ancient martial art of sarcasm.
How’s your first week so far?” Isabele asks. “Well, let me see,” I begin. “Chloe says my penmanship is shit, and I was only thirty minutes early this morning, which apparently means I’m late, but on the bright side, she thinks her non-fat, half-sweet, no-whip soy latte didn’t taste right and then she told me she’s not paying for it. Other than that, work is just fine.
You couldn't find your dick in the dark, you scheming, sleaze-mongering scumwad.
I have been complimented many times and they always embarrass me; I always feel that they have not said enough.
Yes, I curse God all the time. On some days for giving us such a short life, and on others for giving us such a long one.
Gankis lifted an arm to point at the distant shale cliffs. "And in the face of it there were thousands of little holes, little what-you-call-'ems..." "Alcoves," Kennit supplied in an almost dreamy voice. "I call them alcoves, Gankis. As would you, if you could speak your own mother tongue.
Facts are much more malleable than prejudices.
Repeat a lie a thousand times and it become a successful political campaign.
I don’t like to think of my hips as a nuisance, but more of an asset. I mean, if this were, like 1642, my whole birthing hips would be worth many cows or something.
Got anything to eat?" I asked. "You know where the gas station is," said my incredibly nurturing and maternal mother.
I believe sarcasm is the passive form of rudeness and should not be tolerated in the Body of Christ.
You jealous souls are primeval without a doubt, Teach yourself to eat better instead of trying to eat one's heart out.
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
Innocent tourists? You make me sound like the big bad wolf.” “And you’re not?” I questioned. “Only if you’re Red Riding Hood,” he said flirtatiously. “Wow, that’s original.
In the battle of DNAs, your DNA will always win against the DNA of your father.
I don’t have a sense of humor anymore. It’s literally just sarcasm and a general hate of the majority of the human population. -Fact of Life
Push my buttons, and I'll push you off a bridge.
Guy De Maupassant
And involuntarily I compared the childish sarcasm, the religious sarcasm of Voltaire with the irresistible irony of the German philosopher whose influence is henceforth ineffaceable.
You’ve missed a lot of things. But mostly I think you’ve missed several opportunities to leave. Let me assist you to the door so that you won’t miss this next one.
Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
The creative process is a love story that never ends. The ideas are like suitors competing for your attention. You may have relationships, with multiple ideas, at once. You may devote yourself completely to one idea, for a awhile, but the affairs will never end. There will always be more ideas to romance and more concepts to develop. And all for that wonderful moment when you get to gaze at the complete creation and hold perfection in your arms, for one blissful moment... before your inner-critic starts tearing it to shreds.
It's now very common to hear people say, 'I'm rather offended by that.' As if that gives them certain rights. It's actually nothing more... than a whine. 'I find that offensive.' It has no meaning; it has no purpose; it has no reason to be respected as a phrase. 'I am offended by that.' Well, so fucking what." [I saw hate in a graveyard -- Stephen Fry, The Guardian, 5 June 2005]
I want either less corruption, or more chance to participate in it.
When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
Everything's just fucking Disney with you.
If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
When my wife and I met, I couldn't talk to her - and my defense mechanism is sarcasm. I belittle someone with verbal pokes and prods. I did it to her out of complete awe. When friends introduced us, I said 'Hi' - and turned my back. Later, I called my mom and best friend and said, 'I think I just met my wife.'
The difference between a violin and a viola is that a viola burns longer.
I would like to live in Manchester, England. The transition between Manchester and death would be unnoticeable.
You can't expect them to wear a big sandwich board with spy on it or a special spying hat.
The clear problem of the outlawing of insult is that too many things can be interpreted as such. Criticism, ridicule, sarcasm, merely stating an alternative point of view to the orthodoxy, can be interpreted as insult.
Don't be ridiculous. Brussels sprouts are awful. Jail is just jail.
come humans, fulfill your evolutionary purpose adn build your hound a fire." Oberon
Unlike your mother," she said, exhaling, "I told the culprit immediately. I thought at the very least he would visit me in the hospital after it was all done, but the son of a bitch sent me a get well card. Can you imagine? Serves me right for putting all my eggs in one bastard.
I’d heard street food was a big thing here in Mexico but I didn’t think it meant the creatures that lived on the street.
Dacă tai în două un om prost, n-o să găsești sânge, ca la noi. O să găsești păreri. Are păreri despre orice, în special despre lucrurile de care n-are habar. Cu cât nu înțelege ceva, cu atât părerea lui va fi mai înverșunată. Și cu părerile astea trebuie să facă ceva, trebuie să le arate lumii. A căzut un camion într-o prăpastie? Păi, hai, ce faci, ce mai pierzi vremea? Spune cu cine ții: cu camionul sau cu prăpastia?
I don't need a mate,” she muttered, staring up at the bright circle of the early autumn moon. “But can't you send me a nice, sexy, strongmale to dance with? Pretty please?” She hadn't had a lover for close to eight months now, and it was starting to hurt on every level. “He doesn't even have to be smart, just good between the sheets.” Good enough to unsnap the tension in her body, allow her to function again. Because sex wasn't simply about pleasure for a cat like her—it was about affection, about trust, about everything good. “Though right this second, I'd take plain old hot sex.” That was when Riley walked out of the shadows. “Got an itch, kitty?” Snapping to her feet, she narrowed her eyes, knowing he had to have deliberately stayed downwind in order to sneak up on her. “Spying?” “When you're talking loud enough to wake the dead?” She swore she could feel steam coming out her ears.
But there was no going back to that idyllic time when only one god wanted to kill me.
Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome.
So the reason I was struck again and again was because of my overwhelmingly positive energy. Funny, I'd always thought of myself as a pessimist.
It's easy to make women happier and busier. How? Buy her a talking mirror beside bitching it has to be programmed to say, "You are looking very beautiful and slimmer," at precisely every hour.
The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.
I’m fine, considering I can’t walk anymore,” Pam replied, a sarcastic edge in her voice. “You look like your bringing news. What is it this time, I’m blind?
I find that the further I go back, the better things were, whether they happened or not.
Arthur Conan Doyle
His neighbor is a tooth-drawer. That bag at his girdle is full of the teeth that he drew at Winchester fair. I warrant that there are more sound ones than sorry, for he is quick at his work and a trifle dim in the eye.
Marcus stepped behind the bar, saying, “Dan sent me over to assist you and learn how to tend the bar.” Doms could be pain-in-the-ass mother hens.