Best 722 of Sarcasm quotes - MyQuotes
Whatever you are, do not even assume that you will be surrounded and gnawed by luxurious worms of an exquisite breed.
The trouble with a kitten is that eventually it becomes a cat.
History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.
Arthur Conan Doyle
I have my own views about Nature's methods, though I feel that it is rather like a beetle giving his
Don't waste yer' breath kid. Explainin' anything to that one? It's like tryin' ta' slap the dumb off a retard... -George Foster
History repeats itself. That's one of the things wrong with history.
Never vote for the best candidate, vote for the one who will do the least harm.
Valkyrie smiled patiently. "I like how you do your make-up. Do you use a brush, or just dip your head in the bucket?
The sun came out the next day, which it had no right to do.
The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.
We just wanted to see whose dick was in yer mouth. Call it curiosity.
All My Bitches Are Mad At Me Right Now.
Hello, Mrs. Tran...I have David's homework. And if you ever want to see it again, you'll pay me the two million dollars I asked for.
You're back where you swore yourself you wouldn't be The familiar shackles you can't tell from your own skin Your head's under water when you learned to swim On a road to hell, congratulations, you're free...
Son-- "We don't need ladders, we have obsidian, bro." Mommy's thoughts-- "............................... .......fucking minecraft
Push my buttons, and I'll push you off a bridge.
In my youth, I was always one for the dramatic entrance. Now, in keeping with my character, I gravitate more toward the subtle and refined. Okay, with the occasional feathered serpent thrown in.
Arthur Conan Doyle
"There are one or two elementary rules to be observed in the way of handling patients," he remarked, seating himself on the table and swinging his legs. "The most obvious is that you must never let them see that you want them. It should be pure condescension on your part seeing them at all; and the more difficulties you throw in the way of it, the more they think of it. Break your patients in early, and keep them well to heel.
Dacă tai în două un om prost, n-o să găsești sânge, ca la noi. O să găsești păreri. Are păreri despre orice, în special despre lucrurile de care n-are habar. Cu cât nu înțelege ceva, cu atât părerea lui va fi mai înverșunată. Și cu părerile astea trebuie să facă ceva, trebuie să le arate lumii. A căzut un camion într-o prăpastie? Păi, hai, ce faci, ce mai pierzi vremea? Spune cu cine ții: cu camionul sau cu prăpastia?
The time for action is past! Now is the time for senseless bickering!
While Daniel disappeared into his room, probably to limn the contours of some exquisite constellation of philosophical nonsense for his internship applications and gasp in the throes of his overachieving OCDness.
For appearances. Now there's a lovely thing to die for.
Sarcasm doesn't suit you, Melissa,' Graham growled. 'Really? I've always thought it brings out my eyes.
What does your birth date say about you? You are old!
Arthur Conan Doyle
We had got as far as this, when who should walk in but the gentleman himself, who had been drinking his beer in the taproom and had heard the whole conversation. Who was I? What did I want? What did I mean by asking questions? He had a fine flow of language, and his adjectives were very vigorous.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy - and Jill a wealthy widow.
I swear to God, if GreatReads doesn't stop sending me these notification emails...how many times do I have to turn them off?
At the last moment, Kellan swerved around him, quickly leaving the zombie behind. “Why didn't you just hit him?” Jayden asked, turning to look behind us as we sped away. I did, too. The zombie spun around as he immediately started to follow us. “I didn't want to mess up my paint job,” Kellan sarcastically replied as he turned on the street that would lead us to the store. “Plus, I just washed it.
Maybe, she thought, the reign of malicious sarcasm was over and she could be a good person again.
George Bernard Shaw
The 100% American is 99% idiot.
Don't tell me," Jace said, "Simon's turned himself into an ocelot and you want me to do something about it before Isabelle makes him into a stole. Well, you'll have have to wait till tomorrow. I'm out of commission." He pointed at himself - he was wearing blue pajamas with a hole in the sleeve. "Look. Jammies." "Jace," Clary said, "this is important." "Don't tell me," he said. "You've got a drawing emergency. You need a nude model. Well, I'm not in the mood. You could always ask Hodge," he said as an afterthought. "I hear he'll do anything for a -" "JACE!" she interrupted him, her voice rising to a scream. "JUST SHUT UP FOR A SECOND AND LISTEN, WILL YOU?
We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing
The right of education of the female sex, as it is in a manner everywhere neglected, so it ought to be generally lamented. Most in this depraved later age think a woman learned and wise enough if she can distinguish her husband's bed from another's.
Arthur Conan Doyle
My uncle, Mr. Stephen Maple, had been at the same time the most successful and the least respectable of our family, so that we hardly knew whether to take credit for his wealth or to feel ashamed of his position.
If wrappings of cloth can impart respectability, the most respectable persons are the Egyptian mummies, all wrapped in layers and layers of gauze
A. S. King
Oh. I get it now. God had Nader beat my ass and my mom leave my dad just so Jodi could learn how to chop onions and use a propane grill. Great. Awesome.
Tech made all things possible, and therefore mandatory. Not to mention the fact that carrying around all this smartphone in your purse or pocket had become such a fantastic drag. Cranial implant was so much easier. Now they could be in touch with the hive 24/7 and have their hands free for whatever. Their cars drove them everywhere, too. Also left them free to, you know, do whatever.
Stay with me; I want to be alone
A multi-party system is a system in which multiple political parties run for national election thus turning it into a multi-party chaos.
K. Martin Beckner
That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard of. I think I would have more fun chopping thistles with a butter knife.
Politics to me was the whining of an old braggart too proud to admit his faults and too vain to try something new. All of their agendas and manifestos were nothing but a lucrative offer to deceive the fools and encourage the clever in deceiving more fools.
Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?
I will take all my rights! Can you deliver them to my house?
I know the power of speech. I don't talk much.
Congress should make it so that all sex scenes in all films should be provided with a screaming baby sound track. That should help take away all the fun and may show a major decrease in unwanted pregnancies without having to provide birth control to anyone.
A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first thought of.
L. Ashley Straker
Are you a house-wife, Mrs Silvers?' he asked. 'What would you recommend for getting burger relish out of a white shirt?' The seething woman cranked the venom-level of her gaze up to eleven, and Raven smiled pleasantly back.
I do sarcasm really poorly.
Napz Cherub Pellazo
Walang matibay na relasyon kung buhay pa ang mga Kalapating mababa ang lipad...
Creative semantics is the key to contemporary government; it consists of talking in strange tongues lest the public learn the inevitable inconveniently early.