Best 109 of Funny relationship quotes - MyQuotes

By Anonym 13 Sep

Edward De Bono

I'm a very loyal and unreliable friend.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Mason Cooley

Nothing is more cheerful than talking about our friends' shortcomings.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Mike Birbiglia

Sex and pizza, they say, are similar. When it's good, it's good. When it's bad, you get it on your shirt.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Oscar Wilde

I choose my friends for their good looks, my acquaintances for their good characters, and my enemies for their intellects. A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Ralph Waldo Emerson

The secret of ugliness consists not in irregularity, but in being uninteresting.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Groucho Marx

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Bill Ballance

When a man is in love or in debt, someone else has the advantage.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Mignon Mclaughlin

Men feel that women somehow drag them down, and women feel that way about men. It's possible that both are right.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Rollo May

Tenderness emerges from the fact that the two persons, longing, as all individuals do, to overcome the separateness and isolation to which we are all heir because we are individuals, can participate in a relationship that, for the moment, is not of two isolated selves but a union

By Anonym 14 Sep

Rodney Dangerfield

I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Jim Bishop

Watching your daughter being collected by her date feels like handing over a million dollar Stradivarius to a gorilla.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Oscar Wilde

The General was essentially a man of peace, except in his domestic life.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Ronnie Shakes

A lot of people wonder how you can tell if you're really in love. Just ask yourself this question: 'Would I mind being financially destroyed by this person?'

By Anonym 14 Sep

Jerry Seinfeld

Seems to me the basic conflict between men and women, sexually, is that men are like firemen. To men, sex is an emergency, and no matter what we're doing we can be ready in two minutes. Women, on the other hand, are like fire. They're very exciting, but the conditions have to be exactly right for it to occur.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Jacqueline Bisset

Ideally, couples need three lives; one for him, one for her, and one for them together.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Malcolm Forbes

Presence is more than just being there.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Zsa Zsa Gabor

You never really know a man until you have divorced him.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Alan Loy Mcginnis

Love, honor, and negotiate.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Rabindranath Tagore

Love is an endless mystery, for it has nothing else to explain it.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Israel Zangwill

The only true love is love at first sight; second sight dispels it.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Cathy Ladman

Marriage is like a 5,000- piece jigsaw of the sky.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Ralph Waldo Emerson

All diseases run into one, old age.

By Anonym 14 Sep

April Gornik

Of course 'we humans' have a funny relationship with the beings with whom we share our planet. We eat them, we care for them, we admire them, we use them.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Mark Twain

We like a man to come right out and say what he thinks- if we agree with him.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Whoopi Goldberg

Normal is in the eye of the beholder.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Dolly Parton

You'd be surprised how much it costs to look this cheap!

By Anonym 13 Sep

Walter Matthau

I don't mind my wife having to last word. In fact I'm delighted when she reaches it.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Cheryl Strayed

My mother's last word to me clanks inside me like an iron bell that someone beats at dinnertime: love, love, love, love, love.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Frank Skinner

I honestly thought my marriage would work because me and the wife did share a sense of humour. We had to really, because she didn't have one.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Roseanne Barr

The day I worry about cleaning my house is the day Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Mitt Romney

I believe marriage is a relationship between a man and a woman.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Helen Rowland

To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Joan Rivers

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Dave Attell

Women have all the power because women have all the vaginas.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Jay Leno

According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about women is their eyes. And women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Chuck Palahniuk

My first time I jacked off, I thought I'd invented it. I looked down at my sloppy handful of junk and thought, This is going to make me rich.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Glenn Beck

Remember, beneath every cynic there lies a romantic, and probably an injured one.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Gay Hendricks

It's been said a thousand ways by hundreds of different people through the years, but is still as true as ever. If mamma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. Yellow H. Most couples have not had hundreds of arguments; they've had the same argument hundreds of times.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Aristotle

The appropriate age for marrige is around eighteen and thirty-seven for man

By Anonym 15 Sep

Kami Garcia

we love what we love and who we love who we love and why we love why we love and find a falling shoelace knotted and strung between the fingers of strangers

By Anonym 14 Sep

Rodney Dangerfield

I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Jo Brand

My ex-boyfriend can round last night, which was weird because I didn't know he was in a coma.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Ambrose Bierce

In the algebra of psychology, X stands for a woman's heart.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Erich Fromm

Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Phyllis Diller

I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Leonardo Da Vinci

Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Paul Mazursky

Even when I begin with a situation that's basically funny or sad, I like to keep poking around in it. I like to get into the middle of a relationship, to explore the subtle places.