Best 167 of Jerome K. Jerome quotes - MyQuotes

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Jerome K. Jerome
By Anonym 13 Sep

Jerome K. Jerome

I don't understand German myself. I learned it at school, but forgot every word of it two years after I had left, and have felt much better ever since.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Jerome K. Jerome

There is no fun in doing nothing when you have nothing to do. Wasting time is merely an occupation then, and a most exhausting one.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Jerome K. Jerome

I don't know why it should be, I am sure; but the sight of another man asleep in bed when I am up, maddens me.

By Anonym 18 Sep

Jerome K. Jerome

Really, seeing the amount we give in charity, the wonder is there are any poor left. It is a comfort that there are. What should we do without them? Our fur-clad little girls! our jolly, red-faced squires! we should never know how good they were, but for the poor? Without the poor how could we be virtuous? We should have to go about giving to each other. And friends expect such expensive presents, while a shilling here and there among the poor brings to us all the sensations of a good Samaritan. Providence has been very thoughtful in providing us with poor.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Jerome K. Jerome

If you are foolish enough to be contented, don't show it, but grumble with the rest; and if you can do with a little, ask for a great deal. Because if you don't you won't get any.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Jerome K. Jerome

I could not conjure up one melancholy fancy upon a mutton chop and a glass of champagne.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Jerome K. Jerome

(Speaking of the Cistercian monks) A grim fraternity, passing grim lives in that sweet spot, that God had made so bright! Strange that Nature's voices all around them--the soft singing of the waters, the wisperings of the river grass, the music of the rushing wind--should not have taught them a truer meaning of life than this. They listened there, through the long days, in silence, waiting for a voice from heaven; and all day long and through the solemn night it spoke to them in myriad tones, and they heard it not.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Jerome K. Jerome

A woman never thoroughly cares for her lover until he has ceased to care for her; and it is not until you have snapped your fingers in Fortune's face and turned on your heel that she begins to smile upon you.

By Anonym 20 Sep

Jerome K. Jerome

You can never rouse Harris. There is no poetry about Harris- no wild yearning for the unattainable. Harris never "weeps, he knows not why." If Harris's eyes fill with tears, you can bet it is because Harris has been eating raw onions, or has put too much Worcester over his chop. If you were to stand at night by the sea-shore with Harris, and say: "Hark! do you not hear? Is it but the mermaids singing deep below the waving waters; or sad spirits, chanting dirges for white corpses held by seaweed?" Harris would take you by the arm, and say: "I know what it is, old man; you've got a chill. Now you come along with me. I know a place round the corner here, where you can get a drop of the finest Scotch whisky you ever tasted- put you right in less than no time." Harris always does know a place round the corner where you can get something brilliant in the drinking line. I believe that if you met Harris up in Paradise (supposing such a thing likely), he would immediately greet you with: "So glad you've come, old fellow; I've found a nice place round the corner here, where you can get some really first-class nectar.

By Anonym 17 Sep

Jerome K. Jerome

Of all games in the world, the one most universally and eternally popular is the game of school. You collect six children and put them on a doorstep, while you walk up and down with the book and cane. Only one thing mars it: the tendency of one and all of other six children to clamour for their turn with the book and cane. The reason, I am sure, that journalism is so popular a calling, in spite of its many drawbacks, is this: each journalist feels he is the boy walking up and down with the cane. The Government, the Classes, and the Masses, Society, Art, and Literature, are the other children sitting on the doorstep. [published in 1900]

By Anonym 15 Sep

Jerome K. Jerome

There may be a better land where bicycle saddles are made of rainbow, stuffed with cloud; in this world the simplest thing is to get used to something hard.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Jerome K. Jerome

I want a house that has got over all its troubles; I don't want to spend the rest of my life bringing up a young and inexperienced house.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Jerome K. Jerome

Truth and fact are old-fashioned and out-of-date, my friends, fit only for the dull and vulgar to live by. Appearance, not reality, is what the clever dog grasps at in these clever days. We spurn the dull-brown solid earth; we build our lives and homes in the fair-seeming rainbow-land of shadow and chimera.

By Anonym 17 Sep

Jerome K. Jerome

Omenirea se apropie de bătrînețe și am ajuns să ne placă tristețea, asemeni unui prieten care a stat foarte mult lîngă noi, în tinerețe, pe cînd eram viguroși și veseli. Ca și marinarii lui Ulysses primeam bucuroși și soarele și tunetul. Sînge roșu curgea în vinele noastre și rîdeam, iar poveștile pe care ni le spuneam erau străbătute de vigoare și speranță. Acum stăm ca bătrînii urmărind cu ochii în flăcări chipurile oamenilor; iar povestirile care ne plac sînt triste, ca poveștile pe care le-am trăit noi înșine.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Jerome K. Jerome

A cat's got her own opinion of human beings. She don't say much, but you can tell enough to make you anxious not to hear the whole of it.

By Anonym 17 Sep

Jerome K. Jerome

One of the problems of social life is to know what to say to one another when we meet; every man and woman's desire is to appear sympathetic and clever, and this makes conversation difficult, because, taking us all round, we are neither sympathetic nor clever.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Jerome K. Jerome

Time is but the shadow of the world upon the background of Eternity.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Jerome K. Jerome

It seems to me so shocking to see the precious hours of a man's life - the priceless moments that will never come back to him again - being wasted in a mere brutish sleep.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Jerome K. Jerome

The facts of life are the impossibilities of fiction.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Jerome K. Jerome

I attribute the quarrelsome nature of the Middle Ages young men entirely to the want of the soothing weed.

By Anonym 19 Sep

Jerome K. Jerome

The only feeling that a closer intimacy has created in him for his wife is that of indulgent contempt. As there is no equality between man and woman, so there can be no respect. She is a different being. He must either look up to her as superior to himself, or down upon her as inferior. When a man does the former he is more or less in love, and love to John Ingerfield is an unknown emotion. Her beauty, her charm, her social tact--even while he makes use of them for his own purposes, he despises as the weapons of a weak nature.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Jerome K. Jerome

What readers ask nowadays in a book is that it should improve, instruct, and elevate. This book wouldn't elevate a cow.

By Anonym 16 Sep

Jerome K. Jerome

In my youth, the question chiefly important to me was—What sort of man shall I decide to be? At nineteen one asks oneself this question; at thirty-nine we say, “I wish Fate hadn’t made me this sort of man.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Jerome K. Jerome

Opportunities flit by while we sit regretting the chances we have lost, and the happiness that comes to us we heed not, because of the happiness that is gone.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Jerome K. Jerome

I love the chill October days, when the brown leaves lie thick and sodden underneath your feet ... the evenings in late autumn time, when the white mist creeps across the fields, making it seem as though old Earth, feeling the night air cold to its poor bones, were drawing ghostly bedclothes round its withered limbs.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Jerome K. Jerome

It is so pleasant to come across people more stupid than ourselves. We love them at once for being so.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Jerome K. Jerome

It is very strange, this domination of our intellect by our digestive organs. We cannot work, we cannot think, unless our stomach wills so. It dictates to us our emotions, our passions.... We are but the veriest, sorriest slaves of our stomach. Reach not after morality and righteousness, my friends; watch vigilantly your stomach, and diet it with care and judgment. Then virtue and contentment will come and reign within your heart, unsought by any effort of your own; and you will be a good citizen, a loving husband, and a tender father—a noble, pious man.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Jerome K. Jerome

Cheese, like oil, makes too much of itself.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Jerome K. Jerome

Când ne ascundem fața-n palme și blestemăm clipa în care ne-am născut, ei nu vin bățoși spre noi să ne spună că ne-am făcut-o cu mâna noastră. Nici măcar nu se gândesc la vreun avertisment. Pur și simplu vin încetișor și-și lipesc capul de noi. Pisica ți se-așează pe umăr, îți ciufulește părul și-ți spune clar de parcă ar vorbi: - Vai, săracu' de tine, mi se rupe inima! Câinele te privește cu ochi mari și sinceri care-ți spun parcă: - Tu m-ai înțeles întotdeauna, știi bine! O s-o pornim în viață împreună și-o să fim mereu alături, nu-i așa? Câinele ăsta e tare imprudent. Niciodată nu-și pune în gând să afle dacă ai dreptate sau nu. Niciodată nu se sinchisește dacă urci sau cobori pe scara vieții. Niciodată nu se întreabă dacă ești bogat sau sărac, prost sau deștept, păcătos sau sfânt. Ești prietenul lui și ce vrei mai mult?! Lui i-ajunge atât. Vină ce-o veni, noroc sau nenorocire, nume bun sau rău, onoare sau rușine, el o să fie mereu lângă tine, să te mângâie, să te apere, să-și dea viața pentru tine, dacă e nevoie. Nătărăul ăsta de câine fără minte și suflet e-n stare de-așa ceva!

By Anonym 15 Sep

Jerome K. Jerome

The odour of Burgundy, and the smell of French sauces, and the sight of clean napkins and long loaves, knocked as a very welcome visitor at the door of our inner man.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Jerome K. Jerome

We like, we cherish, we are very, very fond of—but we never love again.

By Anonym 18 Sep

Jerome K. Jerome

Packing is one of those many things that I feel I know more about than any other person living. (It surprises me myself, sometimes, how many of these subjects there are.)

By Anonym 15 Sep

Jerome K. Jerome

There is no more thrilling sensation I know of than sailing. It comes as near to flying as man has got to yet - except in dreams.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Jerome K. Jerome

A glass of wine often makes me a better man than hearing a sermon.

By Anonym 20 Sep

Jerome K. Jerome

When Montmorency meets a cat, the whole street knows about it; and there is enough bad language wasted in ten seconds to last an ordinarily respectable man all his life, with care.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Jerome K. Jerome

Nature, always inartistic, takes pleasure in creating the impossible.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Jerome K. Jerome

Fox-terriers are born with about four times as much original sin in them as other dogs.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Jerome K. Jerome

Five thousand people in one society might do something, but five thousand societies of one member each would be a holy trouble.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Jerome K. Jerome

After breakfast the host takes the young man into a corner, and explains to him that what he saw was the ghost of a lady who had been murdered in that very bed, or who had murdered somebody else there - it does not really matter which: you can be a ghost by murdering somebody else or by being murdered yourself, whichever you prefer. The murdered ghost is, perhaps, the more popular; but, on the other hand, you can frighten people better if you are the murdered one, because then you can show your wounds and do groans. ("Introduction" to TOLD AFTER SUPPER)

By Anonym 17 Sep

Jerome K. Jerome

Ne, kdepak, milé dámy, vy buďte vždy sentimentální a soucitné, jako jste dnes – buďte konejšivým máslem našemu suchému, okoralému chlebu.

By Anonym 16 Sep

Jerome K. Jerome

It always has been and always will be the same. The old folk of our grandfathers' young days sang a song bearing exactly the same burden; and the young folk of to-day will drone out precisely similar nonsense for the aggravation of the next generation. "Oh, give me back the good old days of fifty years ago," has been the cry ever since Adam's fifty-first birthday. Take up the literature of 1835, and you will find the poets and novelists asking for the same impossible gift as did the German Minnesingers long before them and the old Norse Saga writers long before that. And for the same thing sighed the early prophets and the philosophers of ancient Greece. From all accounts, the world has been getting worse and worse ever since it was created. All I can say is that it must have been a remarkably delightful place when it was first opened to the public, for it is very pleasant even now if you only keep as much as possible in the sunshine and take the rain good-temperedly.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Jerome K. Jerome

If a man stopped me in the street and demanded of me my watch, I should refuse to give it to him. If he threatened to take it by force, I feel I should, though not a fighting man, do my best to protect it. If, on the other hand, he should assert his intention of trying to obtain it by means of an action in any court of law, I should take it out of my pocket and hand it to him, and think I had got off cheaply.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Jerome K. Jerome

Life works upon a compensating balance, and the happiness we gain in one direction we lose in another.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Jerome K. Jerome

"Not sure," he retorted; "you call yourself a journalist, and admit there is a subject under Heaven of which you are not sure!

By Anonym 13 Sep

Jerome K. Jerome

I love the chill October days, when the brown leaves lie thick and sodden underneath your feet.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Jerome K. Jerome

In the church is a memorial to Mrs. Sarah Hill, who bequeathed 1 pound annually, to be divided at Easter, between two boys and two girls who "have never been undutiful to their parents; who have never been known to swear or to tell untruths, to steal, or to break windows." Fancy giving up all that for five shillings a year! It is not worth it!

By Anonym 13 Sep

Jerome K. Jerome

I can't sit still and see another man slaving and working. I want to get up and superintend, and walk round with my hands in my pockets, and tell him what to do. It is my energetic nature. I can't help it.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Jerome K. Jerome

What the eye does not see, the stomach does not get upset over

By Anonym 15 Sep

Jerome K. Jerome

We drink [to] one another's health and spoil our own.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Jerome K. Jerome

Eat good dinners and drink good wine; read good novels if you have the leisure and see good plays; fall in love, if there is no reason why you should not fall in love; but do not pore over influenza statistics.