Best 63 of Sarcasm humor quotes - MyQuotes

By Anonym 15 Sep

Rose Wynters

Arch turned and looked at Ian. The other man was fiddling with the neckline of his shirt. “You're just jealous, Ian, and wishing you had a soul mate of your own. In fact, I don't think any woman will be safe until you get one.” Ian shot him an unamused look at his words.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Isaac Asimov

And just how did you arrive at that remarkable conclusion, Mr. Mayor?" "In a rather simple way. It merely required the use of that much-neglected commodity -- common sense. You see, there is a branch of human knowledge known as symbolic logic, which can be used to prune away all sorts of clogging deadwood that clutters up human language." "What about it?" said Fulham. "I applied it. Among other things, I applied it to this document here. I didn't really need to for myself because I knew what it was all about, but I think I can explain it more easily to five physical scientists by symbols rather than by words." Hardin removed a few sheets of paper from the pad under his arm and spread them out. "I didn't do this myself, by the way," he said. "Muller Holk of the Division of Logic has his name signed to the analyses, as you can see." Pirenne leaned over the table to get a better view and Hardin continued: "The message from Anacreon was a simple problem, naturally, for the men who wrote it were men of action rather than men of words. It boils down easily and straightforwardly to the unqualified statement, when in symbols is what you see, and which in words, roughly translated is, 'You give us what we want in a week, or we take it by force.'" There was silence as the five members of the Board ran down the line of symbols, and then Pirenne sat down and coughed uneasily. Hardin said, "No loophole, is there, Dr. Pirenne?" "Doesn't seem to be.

By Anonym 20 Sep

Martyn V. Halm

Your hand lingered on my butt to make sure I understood, right?” “I did everything slow, so even someone with limited perceptive abilities could follow what I was doing.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Jacqueline Patricks

Civilization is held together by duct tape and spit, and I'm worried about the duct tape.

By Anonym 16 Sep

Daniel Handler

It's okay to like jerks. I mean, it'd be better to like a nice guy, but there aren't any.

By Anonym 16 Sep

William A Kolbe

Ignorance is not your strong suit. You should stick with stupidity

By Anonym 20 Sep

Avery Aster

Your quick ‘no’ is because I refused to say ‘yes’ to sex. They say men think with their dicks. I hope you do not run Easton with your—

By Anonym 16 Sep

Fakeer Ishavardas

Don't worry. Life goes on. With or without you. So, live it, while it's given you.

By Anonym 20 Sep

Bryanna Reid

— Why did blondes vote for Clinton? — They didn't know how to read and thought she can make their life hilarious!

By Anonym 15 Sep

David Nicholls

and I have a tiny little moment of anxiety, because I can't remember whether or not we're meant to be boycotting mars bars.

By Anonym 16 Sep

Fakeer Ishavardas

I have to tell you the truth. But you are too ugly for it.

By Anonym 18 Sep

Jonathan Stroud

That didn't last long, of course. "Oh Bartimaeus, could you just irrigate the Fertile Cresent?""Could you just divert the Euphrates HERE and HERE?""Look, while you're at it, do you mind just planting a few million wheat seeds up and down the flood plain? Thanks." Didn't even give me a dibble. By the time I got to Ur I wasn't surging with any of that terrible joy, oh no. My back was KILLING me.

By Anonym 16 Sep

Prasoon

Grades are misconceptions that form people’s perceptions.

By Anonym 20 Sep

Adhish Mazumder

You jealous souls are primeval without a doubt, Teach yourself to eat better instead of trying to eat one's heart out.

By Anonym 20 Sep

Ilze Falb

You are soft person you said. But you're soft as shit: it is very soft but stinking!

By Anonym 19 Sep

Colleen Houck

Well, because you mysteriously came all this way and obviously are not the man I thought you were, why the heck not. So, Phet, if that’s even your real name, tell me, how do I defeat Lokesh?” “It’s simple. Do to him what I did to you.” “What? Talk to him in broken English?

By Anonym 16 Sep

Joanna Davidson Politano

How was one to answer these meaningless questions, really? 'A fine day today, is it not, sir? How was your walk? I trust you are in good health this morning.' He should tell them the day was terrible, he had witnessed a murder, and he'd walked to the moon, just to see what they would do.

By Anonym 16 Sep

Jill Shalvis

He had three incision sites: one where the microscopic camera had gone in and two where they’d done the actual work, and the abuse he’d taken today went straight to her heart. “Oh, Pace.” “I’m guessing that wasn’t an ‘Oh, Pace, you’re so sexy, take me.’

By Anonym 17 Sep

Jessica Fortunato

Love is a fairytale blah, blah, blah.

By Anonym 16 Sep

Mark Forsyth

It is time to buddle (scrub in water) all that is not illutile (unwash-awayable). Baudelaire said that humans were deluded if they thought they could wash away all their spots with vile tears, but Baudelaire was French and therefore knew nothing about hygiene or shower gel.

By Anonym 16 Sep

Ljupka Cvetanova

I improvise therefore I exist!

By Anonym 16 Sep

Susan Elizabeth Phillips

If you 're serious about getting it on again, be sure to give me some advance notice, so I can grab my appointment calendar and block out three minutes.

By Anonym 15 Sep

No One

Be the Chocolate What if I want to be the bird who eats the Chocolate?

By Anonym 20 Sep

Friedrich Nietzsche

You have been a poor observer of life if you have not also seen the hand that, ever so gently – kills.

By Anonym 20 Sep

Loren D. Estleman

Without question, his picture did not do him justice, but again, he was dead when it was taken

By Anonym 19 Sep

James Mcclure

The only thing that's fair about me is the colour of my hair. People should remember that.

By Anonym 16 Sep

Tim Mcgiven

I assure you I am as optimistic as a pessimist can be."-Fletcher

By Anonym 16 Sep

Amish Tripathi

I thank Lord Brahma that your preference doesn't extend to a man being loyal to same woman for many lifetimes!

By Anonym 17 Sep

L. H. Cosway

Nicholas is gay, isn't he," she says, her voice dripping with dejection. I shrug, again remembering his proposition from last night. "Not necessarily. The jury's still out. There's hope for a Christmas wedding yet," I tell her.

By Anonym 18 Sep

Mel Brown

Son-- "We don't need ladders, we have obsidian, bro." Mommy's thoughts-- "............................... .......fucking minecraft

By Anonym 18 Sep

Sandra Chami Kassis

Reality Sucks, I want my dreams back.

By Anonym 16 Sep

B. C. Morin

I’m sure I have no idea what you are talking about PRINCESS.” He tilted his head and half curtseyed when he said the last word. “That! That is what I am talking about. Since we ran into the others you have been cold and more arrogant than usual.” She kept her voice low so the others would not hear. “Is that so? I would say I was averagely arrogant

By Anonym 15 Sep

Ljupka Cvetanova

Better to have loved and lost some money, than not having money at all.

By Anonym 16 Sep

B. C. Morin

Double Sword Tavern.” Tristan said, reading out loud. “Sounds charming and inviting.

By Anonym 19 Sep

Kate Forster

What exactly constitutes an emergency in a modelling agency? Two girls fighting to death with a hair straightener?

By Anonym 15 Sep

Meg Cabot

Am I the only one who recalls that Seth Turner used to think trees give off cold air because when you stand in the shade it's cooler than in the sun?

By Anonym 19 Sep

Lauren Cagliola Green

Well we can't be having that. One person starts having fun and it turns into an epidemic. Difficult to stop that kind of thing, you know.

By Anonym 16 Sep

Becca Fitzpatrick

I almost short her once or twice, but the excitement ends there.

By Anonym 16 Sep

Philippa Gregory

Do you really think that God in his heaven with all the angels, there from the beginning of time and looking towards the day of judgement day, really looks down on all the world and see's you and little harry and says 'whatever you choose to do is my will?' "Yes i do." she says uncertainly.

By Anonym 16 Sep

Jessica Pennington

I'm Cam, a Cheesehead drug dealer. Nice to meet you. "Ha. Nice man." Does he know I'm joking?

By Anonym 16 Sep

Bidyut Hasnu

I saw ugly from a distant, she was looking beautiful.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Mel Brown

Child-- "I can't be patient, that's not a word, so don't even say it mommy." Mommy-- "What?

By Anonym 16 Sep

Don Rittner

I speak two languages: English and Sarcasm.

By Anonym 16 Sep

Eoin Colfer

He's a gem, sir. I wish I had one just like him." He rattled the ring of keys on Artemis's belt. "And what are these?" Artemis scratched his head. "Uh, keys?

By Anonym 19 Sep

Hazel Blackthorn

Well, I think Leo's either going to learn a much needed lesson in social activity-- or go nuts and kill us all." -Crash

By Anonym 17 Sep

Bert Mccoy

My sarcasm is wasted on the young.

By Anonym 18 Sep

Katherine Mcintyre

So no going and getting yourself killed,” Kieran jumped in. With the way those fae targeted him last night, more would come. The memory of the bartender lingered—if they’d made one wrong move the victim could’ve been Liz. Liz rolled her eyes. “Yeah, I’m going to go toddle into traffic.

By Anonym 18 Sep

Jhon Green

sarcasm is the ability to insult an idiot without realizing it

By Anonym 17 Sep

Camilla Monk

Never in my life had I wished so hard for a thousand-foot-wide asteroid to change its course to hit someone directly in the face. Granted, it would have wiped out the entire country and possibly caused an impact winter on Earth in the process, but the greater good of mankind was worth some modicum of sacrifice.