Best 100 of Helen Fielding quotes - MyQuotes

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Helen Fielding
By Anonym 13 Sep

Helen Fielding

I hate Christmas. Everything is designed for families, romance, warmth, emotion and presents, and if you have no boyfriend, no money, your mother is going out with a missing Portuguese criminal and your friends don't want to be your friend anymore, it makes you want to emigrate to a vicious Muslim regime, where at least all the women are treated like social outcasts. Anyway, I don't care. I am going to quietly read a book all weekend and listen to classical music.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Helen Fielding

Being a woman is worse than being a farmer there is so much harvesting and crop spraying to be done: legs to be waxed, underarms shaved, eyebrows plucked, feet pumiced, skin exfoliated and moisturised, spots cleansed, roots dyed, eyelashes tinted, nails filed, cellulite massaged, stomach muscles exercised. The whole performance is so highly tuned you only need to neglect it for a few days for the whole thing to go to seed. Sometimes I wonder what I would be like if left to revert to nature — with a full beard and handlebar moustache on each shin Dennis Healey eyebrows face a graveyard of dead skin cells spots erupting long curly fingernails like Struwelpeter blind as bat and stupid runt of species as no contact lenses flabby body flobbering around. Ugh ugh. Is it any wonder girls have no confidence?

By Anonym 19 Sep

Helen Fielding

Ugh. Would that Christmas could just be, without presents. It is just so stupid, everyone exhausting themselves, miserably haemorrhaging money on pointless items nobody wants: no longer tokens of love but angst-ridden solutions to problems. [...] What is the point of entire nation rushing round for six weeks in a bad mood preparing for utterly pointless Taste-of-Others exam which entire nation then fails and gets stuck with hideous unwanted merchandise as fallout? If gifts and cards were completely eradicated, then Christmas as pagan-style twinkly festival to distract from lengthy winter gloom would be lovely. But if government, religious bodies, parents, tradition, etc. insist on Christmas Gift Tax to ruin everything why not make it that everyone must go out and spend £500 on themselves then distribute the items among their relatives and friends to wrap up and give to them instead of this psychic-failure torment?

By Anonym 14 Sep

Helen Fielding

Of course the chronology of the books is a bit back- to - front, and books usually come out before movies. But happily, these [Bridget Jones's] are fictional comedy diaries - not a history of the Battle of Waterloo.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Helen Fielding

No one is thinking about you. They're thinking about themselves, just like you.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Helen Fielding

I always market research my books before I hand them in by showing them to five or six close friends who I trust to be honest with me, so they are very heavily re-written already.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Helen Fielding

For me, writing Bridget's [Jones] stories is an instinctive, organic thing, which tends to happen more by accident than design.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Helen Fielding

One minute you're closer to someone than anyone in the whole world, next minute they need only to say the words 'time apart', 'serious talk' or 'maybe you...' and you're never going to see them again and will have to spend the next six months having imaginary conversations in which they beg to come back, and bursting into tears at the sight of their toothbrush.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Helen Fielding

As women glide from their twenties to thirties, Shazzer argues, the balance of power subtly shifts. Even the most outrageous minxes lose their nerve, wrestling with the first twinges of existential angst: fears of dying alone and being found three weeks later half-eaten by an Alsatian.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Helen Fielding

I'd been working on the [Bridget Jones's Baby: The Diaries material] for years, first, in the Independent newspaper columns and then in the various versions of the movie scripts.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Helen Fielding

I will not Drink more than fourteen alcohol units a week.

By Anonym 18 Sep

Helen Fielding

Resolution number one: Obviously will lose twenty pounds. Number two: Always put last night's panties in the laundry basket. Equally important, will find sensible boyfriend to go out with and not continue to form romantic attachments to any of the following: alcoholics, workaholics, commitment phobic's, peeping toms, megalomaniacs, emotional fuckwits or perverts. And especially will not fantasize about a particular person who embodies all these things

By Anonym 15 Sep

Helen Fielding

The whole point of diaries is that other people find them and read what you've put. I did once take to writing my inner thoughts on the computer at the end of other things I was writing and ended up faxing four pages of hideous stuff to my accountant so I don't do that now.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Helen Fielding

Eventually, I manage to cheer Mum up by allowing her to go through my wardrobe and criticize all my clothes.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Helen Fielding

More than two years after Mad About the Boy was published, the [Bridget Jones's Baby: The Diaries ] movie started coming together. I felt better about the material, and found myself writing a letter from Bridget to her son: explaining the original story of how he came to be, from his own Mum.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Helen Fielding

That's when the idea for Mad About the Boy arrived. It wasn't even a Bridget [Jones] story initially - then I realized I was writing in Bridget's voice and it grew from there into a Bridget novel.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Helen Fielding

With most of the events in the books [ Bridget Jones Diaries ] I draw a little bit from my own life and some from what I see happening around me.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Helen Fielding

I like L.A. It's like a mini break. For a writer, it's hilarious. Like the food. Where I come from, we eat chip sandwiches: white bread, butter, tomato catsup and big fat french fries. It's delicious. Here, you order a creme caramel and the waiter says, 'You know, that contains dairy.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Helen Fielding

If you ask where a relationship is going too often the question has a habit of turning into where the relationship went. Unfortunately, however, God has given women an inbuilt irresistible urge to insist on knowing where their relationships are going, and to force their partners to discuss the matter at length whenever they are late for something.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Helen Fielding

I got into my usual obsessive writing frenzy, using all the material I'd worked on for so long and crafting it into a little novel [Bridget Jones's Baby: The Diaries].

By Anonym 13 Sep

Helen Fielding

I'd always hoped to write the story as a novel, but there was a long period when the [Bridget Jones's Baby: The Diaries] movie was stalled and in confusion. I felt frustrated creatively, and just couldn't work on the Baby material till the movie was sorted out.

By Anonym 16 Sep

Helen Fielding

Is the whole world doomed to emotional trauma?

By Anonym 20 Sep

Helen Fielding

Where is the tuna? Where? Where?

By Anonym 15 Sep

Helen Fielding

Valentine's Day purely commercial, cynical enterprise, anyway. Matter of supreme indifference to me.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Helen Fielding

On social media people tend to show off, and post their most attractive picture, and moments that are most likely to give everyone else FOMO (Fear of Missing out). They rarely share the moments when they feel down, or when things have gone wrong and they need support.

By Anonym 16 Sep

Helen Fielding

I mean, I haven't rushed to the answerphone once to see if anyone's aware of my existence in the world!

By Anonym 15 Sep

Helen Fielding

When Bridget [Jones] does finally get pregnant, she 's bound to mess it up, but what I tried to show is the importance of love and kindness rather than perfection, and the importance of support from friends who help you to laugh at your mistakes and pick yourself up afterwards.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Helen Fielding

As Bridget writes to her son, in Bridget Jones' Baby - "if you just keep calm and keep your spirits up, things have a habit of turning out all right, just as they did for me.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Helen Fielding

In terms of parenthood, I think the pressure has amped up massively too. Some parents are setting the bar ludicrously high in terms of doing things "right," and seeing children more as products to be perfected than simply children.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Helen Fielding

It is a truth universally acknowledged that as soon as one part of your life starts looking up, another falls to pieces.

By Anonym 18 Sep

Helen Fielding

She's a jellyfisher: You have a conversation with her that seems all nice and friendly, then you suddenly feel like you've been stung and you don't know where it came from.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Helen Fielding

I like you very much. Just as you are.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Helen Fielding

I realize it has become too easy to find a diet to fit in with whatever you happen to feel like eating and that diets are not there to be picked and mixed but picked and stuck to, which is exactly what I shall begin to do once I've eaten this chocolate croissant.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Helen Fielding

And that was it. Right there. Right there, that was the moment . . . I suddenly realized that unless something changed soon I was going to live a life where my major relationship was with a bottle of wine and I'd finally die, fat and alone, and be found three weeks later half-eaten by Alsatians, or I was about to turn into Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Helen Fielding

When someone loves you it's like having a blanket all round your heart.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Helen Fielding

I looked at him nonplussed. I realized that I have spent so many years being on a diet that the idea that you might actually need calories to survive has been completely wiped out of my consciousness. Have reached point where believe nutritional idea is to eat nothing at all, and that the only reason people eat is because they are so greedy they cannot stop themselves from breaking out and ruining their diets.

By Anonym 17 Sep

Helen Fielding

Keep thinking back about what Mum said about being real and the Velveteen Rabbit book (though frankly have had enough trouble with rabbits in this particular house). My favorite book, she claims of which I have no memory was about how little kids get one toy that they love more than all the others, and even when its fur has been rubbed off, and it's gone saggy with bits missing, the little child still thinks it's the most beautiful toy in the world, and can't bear to be parted from it. That's how it works, when people really love each other, Mum whispered on the way out in the Debenhams lift, as if she was confessing some hideous and embarrassing secret. But, the thing is, darling, it doesn't happen to ones who have sharp edges, or break if they get dropped, or ones made of silly synthetic stuff that doesn't last. You have to be brave and let the other person know who you are and what you feel.

By Anonym 17 Sep

Helen Fielding

Oh God, what's wrong with me? Why does nothing ever work out?

By Anonym 16 Sep

Helen Fielding

However, on glimpsing in shop window realized outfit insane. Now am on bus, remember also that corset-ike nature of dress is torture when sitting down. One's rolls of fat are squezzed together like dough being kneaded in a food processor.

By Anonym 16 Sep

Helen Fielding

I sat, head down, quivering furiously at their inferences of female sell-by dates and life as game of musical chairs where girls without a chair/man when the music stops/they pass thirty are 'out.' Huh. As if.

By Anonym 16 Sep

Helen Fielding

Funny how at twenty-five you worry about not being taken seriously and take being a sex object for granted. Later you take being taken seriously for granted, and worry about not being a sex object.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Helen Fielding

Bridget Jones' Baby, at heart is about the gap between how you expect life to turn out and how it actually does.

By Anonym 16 Sep

Helen Fielding

I will not fall for any of the following: alcoholics, workaholics, commitment phobics, people with girlfriends or wives, misogynists, megalomanics, chauvists, emotional fuckwits or freeloaders, perverts.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Helen Fielding

Quite quickly I grew less deranged. I had begun the process of calming down, assimilating and compromising, which is necessary to live comfortably in the world as it is, and probably is why its imbalance never changes. But underneath, my idea of life was completely altered.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Helen Fielding

With so many dark things to worry about in the world right now, I hope people will just go with the fun and enjoy [ Bridget Jones's Baby: The Diaries].

By Anonym 16 Sep

Helen Fielding

I began to think I quite liked her really. It's always so nice to meet someone more badly behaved than oneself.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Helen Fielding

Women today are bombarded with so many messages, like we should have Naomi Campbell's body and Madeleine Albright's career.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Helen Fielding

I think that when you're writing fiction what you're doing is reflecting life as you see it, and putting down how you think and how other people think, and the sort of confusions that you don't normally like to admit to.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Helen Fielding

You see, things being good has nothing to do with how you feel outside, it is all to do with how you are inside.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Helen Fielding

Dieting on New Year's Day isn't a good idea as you can't eat rationally but really need to be free to consume whatever is necessary, moment by moment, in order to ease your hangover. I think it would be much more sensible if resolutions began generally on January the second.