Best 2 398 of Comedy quotes - MyQuotes
The house in the story is based on my friend Tori's house in Kinsale, Ireland, which is obviously not actually haunted, and the sound of people upstairs moving wardrobes around when you are downstairs there and alone is probably just something that old houses do when they think they are unobserved.
What do you mean? In Old Castle? I still live with my parents in case you haven’t noticed, Jack. Those two strangers – that man and woman sitting on my sofa – are actually my parents. Oh, you mean your place? Yes, let’s evict your parents…let’s place them neatly in a cardboard box and leave it by the rubbish bins!
I think comedy is the most difficult thing in the world, I really do.
He said they've literally set up a camp across the street from the hotel and they have signs and bullhorns and the kind of Christian attitude that makes God puke.
There's always been physical suffering in comedy.
Did you slip in some cheese? Did it make you hate cheese, which you had previously loved? Why not sue a cheese-maker? Sue him for all the cheese he's got, drive him out of the cheese-making business! Did you burn your face with an iron? Why not sue Prometheus, the god that invented fire? Or an Iron Age chieftain, for having the temerity to popularise the metal.
Its consistency of what comedy can do and what comedy can be.Growing up with that show [The Simpsons] shaped my worldview.
I’ve been on a diet for two weeks and all I’ve lost is two weeks!” -Totie Fields-
Whenever I catch a chunk of an Adam Sandler comedy on cable, it looks as badly shot and goofily tossed off as a Jerry Lewis gag reel once he hit the late downslide with 'Hardly Working' and 'Cracking Up.'
Don't bite his face, Eleanor told herself. It's disturbing and needy and never happens in situation comedies or movies that end with big kisses.
If comedy duos don't like each other, it just won't work.
I've always wanted to do non-comedies, I've always done dramas, comedies, music, and I always like to bop around and do different things. I'm looking for something a bit tougher, more muscle mass, something small, but the thing is, I get all the best comedy scripts, I don't get all the best drama scripts. So I'll just go with what's the best script.
You have more issues than Reader's Digest.
On a practical level, I'm uncomfortable at comedy clubs because there are so many shitty dude comics who have made my life miserable. If I go to a comedy club and I look around, I don't know which of the dudes lining the wall told me that I was too fat to get raped. It makes me nauseous. But that was a couple years ago, and meanwhile, comedy has changed a lot.
I've always been partial to comedy. I love the idea of working on a comedic scene.
It takes intelligence to make real comedy, and it takes a reality base to create all that little stuff I like to do that makes you giggle inside.
Do it [stand-up comedy] because it feels like the right thing to do. Do it because you don't want to do anything else. There is something in you that does not want you to do anything else other than comedy.
When life throws shit at you, grow great, big, fuck off roses.
I never analyze stuff with comedy because it's boring. It makes you stop being funny. Just be who you are and do what you do, and you're either funny or you're not.
Twoa said, obviously still in my brain. "It was my pheromones," she said defensively. I looked up at her; she was sniffing herself. She looked down at me. "Okay, maybe it wasn’t ALL the pheromones," she admitted. "Nobody makes a good deodorant for superheroes.
Everybody laughed for a long time, for it was the kind of joke that seemed to grow on you. You would laugh and eventually stop. But after a few minutes you would think of the joke again, and you would burst out laughing all over again.
You boys may be gentlemen," Dusty said. "But I'm about to shoot like a lady. You ready, baby?
Comedy is like fictional charm. It's the charm of fiction. Or the charisma of fiction. When you meet somebody who's immediately charismatic, you're attracted to that person. And in fiction it's got to come out in either one of two ways: in the prose itself, and you're hooked immediately because you never want to leave such a colorful and penetrating world. Or, it's simply being a funny writer.
The strangest thing about becoming an atheist was how little things changed. With no divine rules or threat of eternal punishment hanging over my head, I still somehow managed to not lie, cheat, steal, or kill anybody. Although to be honest, I was a little confused as to why we weren't lying, cheating, or stealing. Not killing people still made sense, but why, for example, should we not steal some peanut butter crackers from the unmanned mini-mart in this Holiday Inn?
I could shove this swizzle stick through his heart, Min thought. She wouldn’t do it, of course. The stick was plastic and not nearly pointed enough on the end. Also people didn’t do things like that in Southern Ohio. A sawed-off shotgun, that was the ticket.
Few people actually read. Instead, everyone likes pretending they read. If we spent as much time reading as we say we do, we'd be grossly overweight and depressed.
Any girl with a grin never looks grim.
British people would die for their right to drink themselves to death.
People want other people to know that they share our sensibility even if they're not exactly sure what that sensibility is.
Comedy ages quicker than tragedy, to the extent that we can't know if the 10 commandments may originally have been 10 hilarious one-liners.
Not only do women hold up half the sky; we do it while carrying a 500-pound purse.
I'd just like to retire quietly with dignity, secure in the knowledge that no more comedies will ever be made now that I'm gone.
S. A. Tawks
If there's anything worse in this world than a bad batch of babi guling, it's hindsight.
When men were ready to marry, look out. Their evolution busted out all over. They nabbed the closest female hanging out near their caves, anyone who looked like she would clean his wooly mammoth tunics down by the creek, keep his fires burning, bear his children, and tote his brood around on a fur-clad hip.--Ellie Overton
I actually started in comedy, but then after 'Deadwood' I started concentrating on the dramas more. But then I just got tired for raping and killing and figured, 'It's time to do another comedy.
One of the great things with comedy is that there's no such thing as a mediocre comedy; it's either uproarious or crap. That's the problem.
Comedy is funny when it comes from truth, and that's always the rule of them. It's about how far you can push that boundary.
I had always been - everybody kind of likes comedy. I was very interested in comedy, beyond just liking it. I had friends that took apart radios; I wanted to take apart jokes.
George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.
Movies take a lot of time to make, so when I sign onto a project, I ask, do I want to dedicate a lot of time to this world? And more so, I look at what I need for me. Do I want to make a comedy? Do I want to make a drama? What do I need? Am I in the right headspace to do this role? And then politics come into consideration, too.
Billy Bob Thornton
Comedy is harder than drama, because with comedy you're expecting a result..you make them laugh. [If] they ain't laughing then you're screwed.
When certain people hear "'SNL' comedy," rightfully so, you expect it to be a certain kind of goofiness.
Even as zombies, ridiculous prom gowns were the downfall of teenage girls, crippling them at the knees.
Duct tape can't fix stupid," Bas growled. "Maybe not," Red replied, "but it can hold it down and muffled the screams.
It seemed harmless enough until she misplaced her "Dildo" and started calling the neighbors to ask if she could borrow one of theirs!
I actually very rarely see comedy myself, and although I admire the work of some comics, it does come from all over, so I’ll get a charge out of some fiction writers and poets.
Maybe forced retirement isn't necessary after all.
Comedy is all about the joke. Comedies usually don't do anything fancy with the camera [or] the lighting. It doesn't matter. It should never be fancy.
Nate Silver is now forecasting Oscar winners. The only area of life in which he has no expertise, ironically, is life itself.
I like the tragedies way more than the comedies because they're so universal.