Best 2 398 of Comedy quotes - MyQuotes

By Anonym 18 Sep

Neil Gaiman

The house in the story is based on my friend Tori's house in Kinsale, Ireland, which is obviously not actually haunted, and the sound of people upstairs moving wardrobes around when you are downstairs there and alone is probably just something that old houses do when they think they are unobserved.

By Anonym 19 Sep

Jonathan Dunne

What do you mean? In Old Castle? I still live with my parents in case you haven’t noticed, Jack. Those two strangers – that man and woman sitting on my sofa – are actually my parents. Oh, you mean your place? Yes, let’s evict your parents…let’s place them neatly in a cardboard box and leave it by the rubbish bins!

By Anonym 14 Sep

Martha Graham

I think comedy is the most difficult thing in the world, I really do.

By Anonym 16 Sep

Robyn Peterman

He said they've literally set up a camp across the street from the hotel and they have signs and bullhorns and the kind of Christian attitude that makes God puke.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Don Martin

There's always been physical suffering in comedy.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Stewart Lee

Did you slip in some cheese? Did it make you hate cheese, which you had previously loved? Why not sue a cheese-maker? Sue him for all the cheese he's got, drive him out of the cheese-making business! Did you burn your face with an iron? Why not sue Prometheus, the god that invented fire? Or an Iron Age chieftain, for having the temerity to popularise the metal.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Eric Andre

Its consistency of what comedy can do and what comedy can be.Growing up with that show [The Simpsons] shaped my worldview.

By Anonym 16 Sep

David Debacco

I’ve been on a diet for two weeks and all I’ve lost is two weeks!” -Totie Fields-

By Anonym 15 Sep

James Wolcott

Whenever I catch a chunk of an Adam Sandler comedy on cable, it looks as badly shot and goofily tossed off as a Jerry Lewis gag reel once he hit the late downslide with 'Hardly Working' and 'Cracking Up.'

By Anonym 13 Sep

Rainbow Rowell

Don't bite his face, Eleanor told herself. It's disturbing and needy and never happens in situation comedies or movies that end with big kisses.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Scott Thompson

If comedy duos don't like each other, it just won't work.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Frank Oz

I've always wanted to do non-comedies, I've always done dramas, comedies, music, and I always like to bop around and do different things. I'm looking for something a bit tougher, more muscle mass, something small, but the thing is, I get all the best comedy scripts, I don't get all the best drama scripts. So I'll just go with what's the best script.

By Anonym 20 Sep

Rebecca Mcnutt

You have more issues than Reader's Digest.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Lindy West

On a practical level, I'm uncomfortable at comedy clubs because there are so many shitty dude comics who have made my life miserable. If I go to a comedy club and I look around, I don't know which of the dudes lining the wall told me that I was too fat to get raped. It makes me nauseous. But that was a couple years ago, and meanwhile, comedy has changed a lot.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Matthew Lewis

I've always been partial to comedy. I love the idea of working on a comedic scene.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Chris Tucker

It takes intelligence to make real comedy, and it takes a reality base to create all that little stuff I like to do that makes you giggle inside.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Russell Peters

Do it [stand-up comedy] because it feels like the right thing to do. Do it because you don't want to do anything else. There is something in you that does not want you to do anything else other than comedy.

By Anonym 20 Sep

Heather Hill

When life throws shit at you, grow great, big, fuck off roses.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Jeff Garlin

I never analyze stuff with comedy because it's boring. It makes you stop being funny. Just be who you are and do what you do, and you're either funny or you're not.

By Anonym 19 Sep

John Zakour

Twoa said, obviously still in my brain. "It was my pheromones," she said defensively. I looked up at her; she was sniffing herself. She looked down at me. "Okay, maybe it wasn’t ALL the pheromones," she admitted. "Nobody makes a good deodorant for superheroes.

By Anonym 16 Sep

Zakes Mda

Everybody laughed for a long time, for it was the kind of joke that seemed to grow on you. You would laugh and eventually stop. But after a few minutes you would think of the joke again, and you would burst out laughing all over again.

By Anonym 20 Sep

Stephanie Kate Strohm

You boys may be gentlemen," Dusty said. "But I'm about to shoot like a lady. You ready, baby?

By Anonym 13 Sep

Joshua Ferris

Comedy is like fictional charm. It's the charm of fiction. Or the charisma of fiction. When you meet somebody who's immediately charismatic, you're attracted to that person. And in fiction it's got to come out in either one of two ways: in the prose itself, and you're hooked immediately because you never want to leave such a colorful and penetrating world. Or, it's simply being a funny writer.

By Anonym 19 Sep

Pete Holmes

The strangest thing about becoming an atheist was how little things changed. With no divine rules or threat of eternal punishment hanging over my head, I still somehow managed to not lie, cheat, steal, or kill anybody. Although to be honest, I was a little confused as to why we weren't lying, cheating, or stealing. Not killing people still made sense, but why, for example, should we not steal some peanut butter crackers from the unmanned mini-mart in this Holiday Inn?

By Anonym 16 Sep

Jennifer Crusie

I could shove this swizzle stick through his heart, Min thought. She wouldn’t do it, of course. The stick was plastic and not nearly pointed enough on the end. Also people didn’t do things like that in Southern Ohio. A sawed-off shotgun, that was the ticket.

By Anonym 16 Sep

Dan Wilbur

Few people actually read. Instead, everyone likes pretending they read. If we spent as much time reading as we say we do, we'd be grossly overweight and depressed.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Amit Kalantri

Any girl with a grin never looks grim.

By Anonym 13 Sep

John Oliver

British people would die for their right to drink themselves to death.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Rob Corddry

People want other people to know that they share our sensibility even if they're not exactly sure what that sensibility is.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Arthur Smith

Comedy ages quicker than tragedy, to the extent that we can't know if the 10 commandments may originally have been 10 hilarious one-liners.

By Anonym 17 Sep

Gina Barreca

Not only do women hold up half the sky; we do it while carrying a 500-pound purse.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Megan Mullally

I'd just like to retire quietly with dignity, secure in the knowledge that no more comedies will ever be made now that I'm gone.

By Anonym 16 Sep

S. A. Tawks

If there's anything worse in this world than a bad batch of babi guling, it's hindsight.

By Anonym 20 Sep

Gale Martin

When men were ready to marry, look out. Their evolution busted out all over. They nabbed the closest female hanging out near their caves, anyone who looked like she would clean his wooly mammoth tunics down by the creek, keep his fires burning, bear his children, and tote his brood around on a fur-clad hip.--Ellie Overton

By Anonym 13 Sep

Garret Dillahunt

I actually started in comedy, but then after 'Deadwood' I started concentrating on the dramas more. But then I just got tired for raping and killing and figured, 'It's time to do another comedy.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Michael Caine

One of the great things with comedy is that there's no such thing as a mediocre comedy; it's either uproarious or crap. That's the problem.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Ari Graynor

Comedy is funny when it comes from truth, and that's always the rule of them. It's about how far you can push that boundary.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Chris Rock

I had always been - everybody kind of likes comedy. I was very interested in comedy, beyond just liking it. I had friends that took apart radios; I wanted to take apart jokes.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Steven Wright

George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Kiersey Clemons

Movies take a lot of time to make, so when I sign onto a project, I ask, do I want to dedicate a lot of time to this world? And more so, I look at what I need for me. Do I want to make a comedy? Do I want to make a drama? What do I need? Am I in the right headspace to do this role? And then politics come into consideration, too.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Billy Bob Thornton

Comedy is harder than drama, because with comedy you're expecting a result..you make them laugh. [If] they ain't laughing then you're screwed.

By Anonym 15 Sep

Will Forte

When certain people hear "'SNL' comedy," rightfully so, you expect it to be a certain kind of goofiness.

By Anonym 16 Sep

G. G. Silverman

Even as zombies, ridiculous prom gowns were the downfall of teenage girls, crippling them at the knees.

By Anonym 16 Sep

T. Hammond

Duct tape can't fix stupid," Bas growled. "Maybe not," Red replied, "but it can hold it down and muffled the screams.

By Anonym 16 Sep

Mollie Gross

It seemed harmless enough until she misplaced her "Dildo" and started calling the neighbors to ask if she could borrow one of theirs!

By Anonym 13 Sep

Dylan Moran

I actually very rarely see comedy myself, and although I admire the work of some comics, it does come from all over, so I’ll get a charge out of some fiction writers and poets.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Ben Stiller

Maybe forced retirement isn't necessary after all.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Fede Alvarez

Comedy is all about the joke. Comedies usually don't do anything fancy with the camera [or] the lighting. It doesn't matter. It should never be fancy.

By Anonym 14 Sep

Norman Chad

Nate Silver is now forecasting Oscar winners. The only area of life in which he has no expertise, ironically, is life itself.

By Anonym 13 Sep

Alan Cumming

I like the tragedies way more than the comedies because they're so universal.