Best 16 quotes of Clement Freud on MyQuotes

About one thing the Englishman has a particularly strict code. If a bird says Cluk bik bik bik bik and caw you may kill it, eat it or ask Fortnums to pickle it in Napoleon brandy with wild strawberries. If it says tweet it is a dear and precious friend and you'd better lay off it if you want to remain a member of Boodles.

Breakfast is a notoriously difficult meal to serve with a flourish.

If anyone tells me I'm fat, I say, - That's because every time I make love to your wife, she gives me a biscuit

I find it hard to say, because when I was there it seemed to be shut.

If you mind losing more than you enjoy winning, don't bet.

If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer.

In moments of considerable strain, I tend to take to bread-and-butter pudding. There is something about the blandness of soggy bread, the crispness of the golden outer crust and the unadulterated pleasure of a lightly set custard that makes the world seem a better place to live.

I think our police are excellent, probably because I have not done anything that has occasioned being beaten up by these good men.

It is essential that we understand people for who they are as individuals and not the public perception of them or their family and past.

I understand it is 13-8 against Egon Ronay publishing a Good Betting Shop Food Guide by 1997.

I've known Nicholas Parsons for a fairly long time and his geniune pleasures are in rubber tubes, metal clips

I was going to talk about Nicholas Parsons' ignorance, but 18 seconds would be a wholly insufficient time.

Owning a racehorse is probably the most expensive way of getting on to a racecourse for nothing.

The depressing thing about an Englishman's traditional love of animals is the dishonesty thereof ... Get a barbed hook into the upper lip of a salmon, drag him endlessly around the water until he loses his strength, pull him to the bank, hit him on the head with a stone, and you may well become fisherman of the year. Shoot.the salmon and you'll never be asked again.

To barbecue is a way of life rather than a desirable method of cooking.

Wine buffs write and talk as though the food and wine will be in your mouth at the same time, that one is there to be poured over the other. This is bullshit. Gustatory enjoyment comes from food and wine and cigars of your liking. So far no one has said that a Monte Cristo is the only cigar to smoke after Armagnac, Romeo and Juliet after Calvados ... but the time may yet come.