Best 89 quotes of Red Buttons on MyQuotes

Abraham Lincoln, who said, A house divided... is a condominium. Never got a dinner!

Adam, who said to our Lord in the Garden of Eden, I got more ribs - you got more broads? Never got a dinner!

Adam, who said to Eve, What do you mean you have nothing to wear? Never got a dinner!

Aladdin, who said to his wife, I know it's not a lamp, keep rubbing! Never got a dinner!

Alexander Graham Bell's wife, who said to Alex on their wedding night, Your three minutes are up. Never got a dinner!

Alexander the Great, who said on his wedding night, It's only a nickname. Never got a dinner!

Alex Hailey, who traced his roots all the way to the back of the bus. Never got a dinner!

Amelia Earhart, who said, Stop looking for me; see if you can find my luggage! Never got a dinner!

Ben Hur, who said to his sister Ben Him, We'd better swap names before they start calling me Ben Gay! Never got a dinner!

Billy Carter, who asked his brother Jimmy, Do you think you could get me on the Gong Show? Never got a dinner!

Bluebeard, who said to Scottland Yard, How do I know how many wives I've killed? I'm not an accountant! Never got a dinner!

Burt Reynolds, great sex symbol of the movies, who said, I owe it all to one great part. Never got a dinner!

Captain Hook's mother, who said to Little Hook, For God sakes, don't scratch it! Never got a dinner!

Christopher Columbus, who said to Queen Isabella, No, you got it wrong! The world is round. You're flat! Never got a dinner!

Clint Eastwood's sex therapist, who said to Clint, Do it any which way you can, but no sudden impact. Never got a dinner!

Crispus Attucks, who said, Don't shoot till you see the whites! Never got a dinner!

Dean Martin's great-great-uncle, Ebenezer Martin, who said to Eli Whitney, I see the cotton, but where's the gin? Never got a dinner!

Dean Martin's pancreas, who overheard his liver singing I got a right to sing the blues. Never got a dinner!

Dinah Shore? Wonderful woman. Dinah formed a foundation to locate missing senior citizens by putting their pictures on prune juice bottles.

Dolly Parton, who said to her doctor, Are you sure it's a chest cold? Never got a dinner!

Donald Trump's mother, who said, Donnie! Stop playing Monopoly and get in that barber's chair! Never got a dinner!

Dracula, who said while they drove a wooden stake into his heart, Boy, I sure hope this is heartburn. Never got a dinner!

Dr. Spock, who said, Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. Never got a dinner!

Elizabeth Taylor has a big heart. She recently built a halfway house for girls who don't want to go all the way.

E.T., who said to Phyllis Diller, You look weird. Never got a dinner!

Eve said to the serpent, “You know I could go for a bite to eat, but I don't know you from Adam.”

Gandhi, who went to Wendy's and asked, "Where's the belief?" Never got a dinner!

George Burns, what a man. He read in the paper that it takes ten dollars a year to support a kid in India. So he sent his kids there.

George W. Bush, who said to Pope John Paul II, Give us a visit, and bring the missus. Never got a dinner!

Goliath's mother, who said to Goliath, Stop running around with David! You're always coming home stoned! Never got a dinner!

Helen of Troy, a hooker from Upstate New York. Never got a dinner!

Henry Ford, who despite his immense wealth never owned a Cadillac. Never got a dinner!

I am always joking and always clowning, giving and helping.

If I lose show business - I'll really be an orphan!

Jacques Cousteau, the last man to see Jimmy Hoffa. Never got a dinner!

Jack the Ripper's mother, who said to Jack, How come I never see you with the same girl twice? Never got a dinner!

Joan Rivers, who said to Marcel Marceau, Can we talk? Never got a dinner!

Joe Torre, who switched to first base because he didn't want to go through life as Chicken Catcher Torre. Never got a dinner!

John Travolta, who said, My Saturday night fever was nothing compared to my Sunday morning rash. Never got a dinner!

John Wilkes Booth, who said, Sorry, I thought he was a critic. Never got a dinner!

Joseph Cotten, who said, You know how I got my name? Sammy Davis picked it for me. Never got a dinner!

J. Paul Getty, who still hasn't been buried - they keep finding oil! Never got a dinner!

Julius Caesar's wife, who said to Julius, We are not naming our son Sid! Never got a dinner!

King Henry VIII, who said to his lawyer, Forget the alimony, I've got a better idea. Never got a dinner!

King Solomon, who said to his thousand wives, Who doesn't have a headache tonight? Never got a dinner!

Lee Iacocca, who said to Dolly Parton, Why do you need an airbag? Never got a dinner!

Long John Silver's wife, Short, who said to John, If the shoe fits... Never got a dinner!

Lot, who said to his wife as she was being turned into a pillar of salt, Stop shaking! Never got a dinner!

Maid Marion, who said to Robin Hood, I will not live in a house with a Little John. Never got a dinner!

Michelangelo's girlfriend, who said to Angelo, Forget the paint - let's put a mirror on the ceiling. Never got a dinner!