Best 316 quotes of Robin Williams on MyQuotes

2020. There'll be cold fusion. We'll actually be able to power our cars with our own feces. That's right. The emissions problem will be a little intense, but just light a match.

After I quit drinking, I realized I am the same asshole I always was; I just have fewer dents in my car.

After my training wheels, my first real bike was a Schwinn, and my first time out, I rode down a hill, didn’t know how to stop, and ran right into a tree. So, that was a nice experience ... like realizing, oh, there are brakes!

A human life is just a heartbeat in heaven.

Ah, yes, divorce... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.

All the new people you meet, it's pretty amazing. The vampire needs new blood. And there is still a lot to learn and there is always great stuff out there. Even mistakes can be wonderful.

All you have to do is think one happy thought, and you'll fly like me.

Along with the Oscars, the Academy is giving out a green card.

A lot of celebrities golf because they want to be away. For them it's a chance to get away and be peaceful. For me it's peaceful to ride [cycling].

And some people say Jesus wasn't Jewish. Of COURSE he was Jewish! 30 years old, single, lives with his parents, come on! He works in his father's business, his mom thought he was God's gift, he's Jewish! Give it up!

A Pentagon official once said the people who would actually push the button probably have never seen a person die. He said the only hope -and it's a strange thought - is if they put the button to launch the nuclear war behind a man's heart. The President, then, with a rusty knife, would have to cut out the man's heart, kill the man, to get to the button.

As an alcoholic, you will violate your standards quicker than you can lower them.

As intellectual as we think we are, you still trip, we still have human foibles, sexuality, all the different things to still make you aware of your humanity.

Avoid using the word 'very' because it's lazy. A man is not very tired, he is exhausted. Don't use very sad, use morose. Language was invented for one reason boys - to woo women - and in that endeavor, laziness will not do.

A woman would never make a nuclear bomb. They would never make a weapon that kills, no, no. They'd make a weapon that makes you feel bad for a while.

A woman wouldn't make a bomb that kills you. A woman would make a bomb that makes you feel bad for a while. That's why there should be a woman President. There'd never be any wars, just every twenty-eight days there'd be very intense negotiations.

Ballet: men wearing pants so tight that you can tell what religion they are.

Being in the same room with people and creating something together is a good thing.

Beer commercials usually show big men, manly men, doing manly things: "You've just killed a small animal. It's time for a light beer." Why not have a realistic beer commercial, with a realistic thing about beer, where someone goes, "It's 5:00 in the morning. You've just pissed on a dumpster. It's Miller time.

Before the Web, there was just one guy running around saying 'I KNOW!'

Being a famous print journalist is like being the best-dressed woman on radio.

Being a functioning alcoholic is kind of like being a paraplegic lap dancer: You can do it, just not as well as the others, really.

Be prepared for luck.

Bicycles are pieces of art. You get that combination of kinetic engineering, but then, besides the welds, the paint jobs, the kind of the sculpture of it all is quite beautiful. Bikes have such great lines, and all different styles.

Boys, you must strive to find your own voice, because the longer you wait to begin the less likely you are to find it at all.

But if there's love, dear... those are the ties that bind, and you'll have a family in your heart, forever.

But only in their dreams can men be truly free. It was always thus and always thus will be.

But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for.

Cable is not bound because people pay for it. It's literally a choice, that's the operative word. If you don't like the language, if cocksucker offends you, then turn it off.

Canada is like a loft apartment over a really great party.

Canadian money is also called the loony. How can you take an economic crisis seriously?

Carpe per diem - seize the check.

Change is not popular; we are creatures of habit as human beings. 'I want it to be the way it was.' But if you continue the way it was there will be no 'is.'

Compassionate conservative, that's like having a gun rack on a Volvo.

Clouds are like boogers hanging on the nostrils of the moon.

Cocaine for me was a place to hide. Most people get hyper on coke. It slowed me down. Sometimes it made me paranoid and impotent, but mostly it just made me withdrawn.

Cocaine is God's way of telling you you are making too much money.

Comedy can be a cathartic way to deal with personal trauma.

Comedy is acting out optimism.

Comedy is there to basically show us we fart, we laugh, to make us realize we still are part animal.

Come on now! You kick out the gooks, the next thing you know, you have to kick out the chinks, the spicks, the spooks, the kikes and all that's going to be left is a couple of brain-dead rednecks.

Compassionate conservative. I don't know what that is, it sounds like a Volvo with a gun rack.

Cricket is basically baseball on valium.

Cross-country running was so beautiful with all the trails and the lake regions ... very physical and also a bit spiritual, where you could come over the mountain and all of a sudden you'd see a Buddhist landscape fog.

Death - to blink for an exceptionally long period of time.

Decaf is like masturbating with an oven mitt!

Divorce is expensive. I used to joke they were going to call it 'all the money,' but they changed it to 'alimony.' It's ripping your heart out through your wallet.

Don't mess with me, man, I'm a lawyer!

Do you get the feeling with Sarah Palin, in high school, she was voted least likely to write a book and most likely to burn one?

Do you think God gets stoned? I think so ... look at the platypus.