Best 44 quotes of Matthew Heines on MyQuotes

Matthew Heines

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    Matthew Heines

    If Jeb Bush gets elected, I'll know that on my way back from overseas, I entered Biff Tannen's parallel universe.

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    Matthew Heines

    Special Post-Super Bowl Wisdom of the Ages: "Eating Crow" This year, it just tastes like Seahawk.

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    Matthew Heines

    Special Super Bowl Wisdom of the Ages: ""Kam Chancellor" a.k.a. "The Iron Chancellor" when he assembles his Ministers of Defense, an all-out Blitzkreig is the inevitable outcome.

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    Matthew Heines

    Special Super Bowl Wisdom of the Ages: "Patriot Act" In theater and football, it's the last act before it's curtains for Seahawks opponents.

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    Matthew Heines

    Special Super Bowl Wisdom of the Ages: "Tom Brady's balls" Nothing more than a publicity stunt to keep the NFL Network from losing San Francisco's market share.

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    Matthew Heines

    Special Super Bowl Wisdom of the Ages: "Unger Games" If your meals depend on you beating the Seahawks, you're gonna go "'Unger-y.

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    Matthew Heines

    Special Super Bowl Wisdom of the Ages: "Wilson or Brady?" The writing is on the ball...

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    Matthew Heines

    Wisdom of the Ages: "12th Man" As official members of the Seattle Seahawks by virtue of the purchase of $100 plus jerseys made in sweatshops for $2, I will be expecting TWO Super Bowl rings in the mail in February.

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    Matthew Heines

    Wisdom of the Ages: "Alternator" The recommended course of action when she becomes too difficult to live with.

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    Matthew Heines

    Wisdom of the Ages: "Brian Williams" This guy gets around more than Brian Wilson and the Beach Boys, but this time, I think he's gone too far. Unfortunately, I can't put a cover of my book My Year in Oman with Mr. Williams' picture on the cover.

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    Matthew Heines

    Wisdom of the Ages: "Brian Williams Week" Just like me in 2003, it looks like Brian Williams ended up "Between Iraq and a Hard Place.

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    Matthew Heines

    Wisdom of the Ages: "Brian Williams Week" Now that NBC is giving him a sixth month "leave" I wonder if he will be "Killing Time-In Saudi Arabia!

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    Matthew Heines

    Wisdom of the Ages: "BS" Has now replaced death, worthless IOU's and ignorance as America's number one export.

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    Matthew Heines

    Wisdom of the Ages: "Canada" still lobbying to get drinking and driving included as an Olympic sport.

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    Matthew Heines

    Wisdom of the Ages "Car Commercials" One of the last times you're ever gonna see that overpriced s-box not stuck in a traffic jam.

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    Matthew Heines

    Wisdom of the Ages: Do the aliens on the moon pull down their pants and 'earth' their friends for fun?

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    Matthew Heines

    Wisdom of the Ages: "Ferguson Riots" They were ready to tear America to shreds over their grief-right until the TV cameras left to cover the football games.

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    Matthew Heines

    Wisdom of the Ages: "Forgiveness" Steroids for the Soul.

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    Matthew Heines

    Wisdom of the Ages: "Friendship" The only ship that can weather any storm.

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    Matthew Heines

    Wisdom of the Ages: "Government" Like a mafia protection racket-without the protection.

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    Matthew Heines

    Wisdom of the Ages: "Hillary" Has replaced the term "battle-axe" to describe an undesirable mother-in-law in 37 languages.

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    Matthew Heines

    Wisdom of the Ages: "Humility" If you don't have it, you're gonna get it.

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    Matthew Heines

    Wisdom of the Ages: "Keystone Pipeline" Conveniently removes the need to speak figuratively about Congress stick a dagger into the heart of America.

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    Matthew Heines

    Wisdom of the Ages: "Look out Below!" Air Asia's catchy new advertising slogan.

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    Matthew Heines

    Wisdom of the Ages: "National Symbol" With the preponderance of lawyers, banksters, arms, drug and tobacco dealers in our government, shouldn't our national symbol be changed from the eagle to the vulture?

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    Matthew Heines

    Wisdom of the Ages "News People" Always joking around and happy. I guess that proves that ignorance really is bliss.

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    Matthew Heines

    Wisdom of the Ages: "New Year's Eve" The last day you can do all the things you are resolving to give up-until you give up on your New Year's resolutions.

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    Matthew Heines

    Wisdom of the Ages: "President's Day" One allowed the Federal Reserve and one got lead. One got a city and the other got dead.

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    Matthew Heines

    Wisdom of the Ages: "Rainier" A beer and a mountain. You drink enough of one and the next day you feel like you fell off the other. All next week Wisdom of the Ages will be featuring the Seattle Seahawks and Super Bowl Topics. Tomorrow's Topic: "Tom Brady's Balls.

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    Matthew Heines

    Wisdom of the Ages: "Seattle Seahawks" More than the Mercury Astronauts, all the Presidents combined and the myth of Horatio Alger-these young men instilled hope in a generation of kids. They are true heroes.

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    Matthew Heines

    Wisdom of the Ages: "Ski-ing" The act of visiting Polish people.

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    Matthew Heines

    Wisdom of the Ages: "Skull and Bones" A secret society of spoiled twits whose apparent purpose in life is littering the landscape with as many as possible.

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    Matthew Heines

    Wisdom of the Ages: "Soylent Green" No matter how many times I see that movie, I still get a hankerin' for a Big Mac.

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    Matthew Heines

    Wisdom of the Ages "The Marshawn" US Army's new main battle tank. Runs over enemies instead of shooting them. Biggest expense: maintaining the dreadlocks hanging off the turret.

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    Matthew Heines

    Wisdom of the Ages: "The Pope and Congress" It looks as if confidence in the American voter to exorcise the demons in the Capitol has completely fallen through.

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    Matthew Heines

    Wisdom of the Ages: "Tooth Fairy" Growing up in the Northwest was tough. For years I thought the Tooth Fairy was a big boat with cars and sharp teeth.

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    Matthew Heines

    Wisdom of the Ages: "True Nobility" Comes not from thinking one is better than others-it comes from working toward the betterment of all.

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    Matthew Heines

    Wisdom of the Ages: "Unsuccessful pick-up lines" 'My parole ends today, let's celebrate!

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    Matthew Heines

    Wisdom of the Ages "Unsuccessful Town Slogans" Sequim (WA)- "We put the Dung in Dungeness.

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    Matthew Heines

    Wisdom of the Ages "US News Media" If the devil is the father of all lies, isn't the US News Media their bitchy stepmother?

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    Matthew Heines

    Wisdom of the Ages: "Valentine's Day" Because she never forgets, especially if you do.

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    Matthew Heines

    Wisdom of the Ages: "Virtual Reality" A fairly plausible explanation for the abundance of Virtual People running around these days.

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    Matthew Heines

    Wisdom of the Ages: "Wildlife Education" When I was a kid, the only woodland creature I knew of was the squirrel. I guess that's why no one believed me when I told them a squirrel just ate two of my friends.

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    Matthew Heines

    Wisdom of the Ages: "Women" Any culture that has supported the education, rights and sanctity of women has dominated those cultures who have not. As Lycurgus the Spartan lawgiver once said, "Strong women make strong men.