Best 43 quotes in «condom quotes» category

Oh yeah, this was so comforting. Like a porcupine in a condom factory.’ (Danger)

Only 3 percent of people in the DRC use condoms.

Some men send me condoms and underpants. I'm not sure what they want.

So, did the costume come with a condom, or is that sold separately?

No one has invented a condom for the pen yet. My pen is still sexy.

The media is Obama's scandal condom.

The condom has saved so many lives and it'll save so many more lives. We really owe a great deal to the rubber tree.

Wrestling is very similar to gay sex, but you don't have to wear condoms.

You know, we are one nation under a god. Yes, you were right. An angry, crack slinging god who decorates with bullets and spent condoms.

You're going to find this hard to believe, but cops aren't required to carry emergency condoms." Joe Morelli

You know you're in love when you wear condoms while having sex with other women.

Although every person makes mistakes, not every mistake makes a person.

A seemingly simple task like taking a bath or wearing a condom feels like multitasking to someone who suffers from hemiplegia or has only one hand.

Condom,” she said. He grabbed a gold square off his nightstand, tore it open, and milked the rubber down his shaft. These were awkward seconds for a man, no matter how attractive the woman under him appeared—legs open, breasts resting on the rib cage—because a man has to stay hard while the woman watches in some negative quiet where irrevocable judgments are formed.

There is not only a lack of success for condoms. It's worse than that - they are utter failures.

AIDS would have claimed fewer lives if we had publicly recommended what I wish to call ‘The Presumption of Sickness,’ i.e., the principle that whomever we are about to sleep with is HIV-positive until proven HIV-negative.

It is alleged that President Trump likes his mistresses to say: No condom, no problem.

His head went back, on the stroke up, again. When he finally looked back at her hands still on him, and his cock all neatly wrapped, his words came out gravelly, and wondering. “What a strange notion.” “You won’t miss too much of the sensation. It’s really not that bad.” His mouth quirked up at the corner. “Why would I miss any sensation? The whole of our bodies are going to be touching. Are you going to encase the rest of me in a stocking?” Laughter, again. It felt good, so good. “I guess not—now get down here and fuck me.

Love is a banana. First you peel it, and then you roll on the condom.

Millions of deaths would not have happened if it weren’t for the consumption of alcohol. The same can be said about millions of births.

Say no to condom and say yes to love

Culture is a fibreglass condom suit - highly restrictive, uncomfortable and itchy as hell.

Some men would not still be HIV negative or alive, if they had managed to sleep with some of the women with whom they want or wanted to have sex.

Some women would not have contracted an STD or STDs had they not been on the pill.

Some people have made some mistakes … and some mistakes have made some people.

The difference between a retiring man and a used condom is that the condom isn’t given a golden watch to inspire the illusion that it still matters to whomever that has just used it.

The human population would probably be way less than a thousand, if ejaculation were not usually accompanied by an orgasm.

Speaking of which, about assuming you had a condom—I just meant that you, with your experience, would be prepared for responsible sex, even if it were on the fly. An intelligent man is prepared for spontaneity.

A condom is a rubber thing shaped like a wiener that hums.

Worry is to human beings … what a condom is to a man with erectile dysfunction.

An amicable divorce is like a ventilated condom; it just doesn't work.

Arnold Schwarzenegger looks like a brown condom full of walnuts.

Writing poetry is like having sex with the universe and the language is just a condom.

Condoms will break, but I can assure you that vows of abstinence will break more easily than condoms.

Do you happen to have another Condom? I think I've discovered the cure for headaches.

Here are my Mommy Messages: Wear a condom and test your Molly.

I don't wear no condom and I don't plan for no kids.

I didn't lose my virginity until I was 18 The first time was a nightmare. Who shows you how to use a condom?

If condoms and potentially microbicides can prevent millions of deaths [from AIDS], they should be made more widely available. I know that there are those who, out of sincere religious conviction, oppose such measures. And with these folks, I must respectfully but unequivocally disagree.

Fear is the condom of life. It doesn't allow you to enjoy things.

If Obama can force you to get health insurance just by calling it a tax, than there is nothing to stop him from making you gay marry an illegal immigrant wearing a condom on a hydroponic pot farm powered by solar energy.

I have no ability to develop muscle tone. I could do situps all day and still look like a condom full of walnuts.

I think the Americans fished out the same condom but found it had too many holes in it.