Best 58 quotes in «funny love quotes» category

A man's wife has more power over him than the state has.

Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.

A light heart lives long.

Friendship is love minus sex and plus reason. Love is friendship plus sex minus reason

Don't be silly. I'll write you twice a week.

But even if we take matrimony at its lowest, even if we regard it as no more than a sort of friendship recognised by the police, there must be degrees in the freedom and sympathy realised, and some principle to guide simple folk in their selection.

Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you.

I don't know if I want to get married again.

If I had no sense of humor I should long ago have committed suicide.

I don't have a boyfriend right now. I'm looking for anyone with a job that I don't have to support.

If it's true that men are such beasts, this must account for the fact that most women are animal lovers.

If I eat a huge meal and I can get the girl to rub my belly, I think that's about as romantic as I can think of.

If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.

If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married.

If you have nothing but love for your avocados, and you take joy in turning them into guacamole, all you need is someone to share it with.

In love, women are professionals, men are amateurs.

I'm dating a woman now who, evidently, is unaware of it.

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

I went to a meeting for premature ejactulators. I left early.

I want a man who's kind and understanding. Is that too much to ask of a millionaire?

I wouldn't be caught dead marrying a woman old enough to be my wife.

It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married.

Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.

Love ain't nothing but sex misspelled.

Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.

Like good wine, marriage gets better with age - once you learn to keep a cork in it.

Love is like war; easy to begin, hard to end.

Love loves to love love.

Men aren't necessities, they're luxuries.

Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel.

My life acccomplishments? Sanity, and you

My wife was afraid of the dark. Then she saw me naked, and now she's afraid of the light.

On quiet nights, when I'm alone, I like to run our wedding video backwards, just to watch myself walk out of the church a free man.

Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

My wife gets all the money I make. I just get an apple and clean clothes every morning.

Never get married in college; it's hard to get a start if a prospective employer finds you've already made one mistake.

Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you're offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone's feelings.

Respectable people do not write music or make love as a career.

Then there was a man who said, 'I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; by then it was too late'

The secret of a successful marriage is not to be at home too much.

The triumph of hope over experience.

Well, you know, the definition of second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.

True friends stab you in the front.

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

What the world really needs is more love and less paper work.

You can't put a price tag on preparation for a pandemic.

Women love a self-confident bald man.