Best 26 quotes in «funny jokes quotes» category

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

I was worried on a personal level because I wanted to be slightly taller than I am, ideally. But I've now accepted it. Basically, I came to the conclusion a while ago that you can either be really bitter about it or you can make loads of funny jokes.

Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse kick you in the face.

Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.

There are two kinds of jokes - funny jokes and Jack Benny jokes.

Chuck Norris CAN understand women.

Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.

For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.

If Yo Mama and Yo Daddy got a divorce, they'd still be brother and sister.

What’s the difference between Yo Mama and a 747? -About 20 pounds. -Yo mama carries more passengers. -Not everyone's been on a 747.

Superman once challenged Chuck Norris to a fight, the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside.

Yo Mama's like a library, open to the public.

Yo Mama's like mustard, she spreads easy.

Yo Mama’s so old, her memory is in black and white.

Yo Mama's so fat, her ass has its own congressman!

Yo Mama’s so poor, when I lit her house on fire, the cockroaches came out singing, “Clap your hands, stomp your feet, praise the Lord, we got some heat!

Yo Mama sucks so much d***, her lips went double platinum.

Yo Mama’s so ugly, when she joined an ugly contest, they said, “Sorry, no professionals.

When Chuck Norris calls 911 it's to ask if everything is ok.

Yo Mama's so fat her butt cheeks have different area codes.

Yo Mama’s so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.

Yo Mama’s so ugly, her Mama had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.

Yo Mama’s so ugly, her dentist treats her by mail order.

I'm not a racist or misogynist person, but I find these jokes funny, so I say them.

At the time, it was a really funny joke [Fluffy] and I went back and forth with going against the joke or embrace it. I decided to embrace it and now we're talking about it, so it was a good call.

If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime.