Best 15 quotes in «adult humor quotes» category

I was momentarily stunned by his odd announcement and told him as much. "Let’s just talk about the fact that you composed a sonnet to my vagina, shall we? You are sending off some major stalker vibes, which is odd because you’re gay. You are gay, right?" He narrowed his eyes at me and waved his hand in the direction of his 'muse' as he stated, "I don't want any part of that thing. I just want to honor it for being the only known thing in existence to be touched by the dick of a god.

Once we were young, now we are adult.

Oh, I don’t mean to infer that you’re not a great guy. I’m sure you’re the exception to the rule.

The fantasy of life; When I was a child, I said ‘I can’t wait to grow up’. When I was adult, I said ‘I miss childhood adventures’.

Treasure the beauty of youthful life and the wisdom of adulthood.

When I make love to you, Lanie, I want you to feel every inch of me buried deep inside of you, loving you, worshiping your body...

I went to the doctor," said the woman next to Ethel. "I said to him, 'I've got an itchy twat.'" [...] She went on: "The doctor says to me, he goes, 'You shouldn't say that, it's a rude word.'" [...] "I says to him, 'What should I say, then, doctor?' He says to me, 'Say you've got an itchy finger.'" [...] "He says to me, 'Do your finger itch you all the time, Mrs. Perkins, or just now and again?'" Mildred paused, and the women were silent, waiting for the punch line. "I says, 'No, doctor, only when I piss through it.

Speak kindly to with adult women as you would to your mother.

I get better everyday, everyday I get better.

The only options I have are a four fingered shuffle and an aging vibrator whose batteries, the last time I looked, were leaking a sticky liquid. I long to do the same.” Time Was by Paul Adams

Dude! Get a fucking grip, it's just a song! When had I turned into a 5-yr-old girl? At the very least, I needed to get my libido under control before the song finished, because I didn’t think that my raging hard-on would be a good icebreaker. Well, figuratively speaking anyway, I thought smugly.

It's time to kick ass and chew bubblegum! We made it to Hollywood, time to give these aliens the golden boot!" - Angel from the Thousand Years War

Adulting is too hard. Let's play something else.

For a split second, I wondered if he were some type of sexy sorcerer, who was able to remove my clothing by the force of his will alone. I squeezed my eyes shut and focused on the buttons of his shirt, willing them to pop off. It didn’t work. Then again, it was pretty hard to focus while he was touching me, so maybe under different circumstances, I too could be a sexy sorcerer. Watch out world.

I'm going to make love to you, Lanie. I'm not your first, but I will be the last.