Best 66 quotes of Doug Benson on MyQuotes

Rappers should be forced to rhyme in their acceptance speeches.

[Ryan Reynolds] has had stabs at it like Just Friends. He's really fun in that.

[Ryan Reynolds] is my favorite [ on Top Gear] - I think he's the most hilarious actor who just has not been able to catch a break in terms of being known as the most hilarious actor.

Since my act is a goofy reflection of what's going on in my life, I started doing pot jokes, and I noticed that audiences invariably love pot jokes. Even people who don't smoke pot think it's a funny subject. So when I started getting laughs, I started doing more material about it. When people come to see my shows, there are a lot of stoners in the audience, but there are also a lot of people who just like me. So I try to give a healthy mix, where people aren't going "There are too many jokes about pot!" or "There's not enough jokes about pot!

Smoking pot makes people talk for long periods of time, for instance, so people who advocate pot won't shut the hell up about it.

Smoking pot makes people talk for long periods of time, for instance, so people who advocate pot won't shut the hell up about it. On the other hand, no one really needs to defend drinking. That's something that frustrates me as a comic: I have to play clubs where selling booze runs the business, so crowds get drunk and yell out a bunch of stupid stuff at me. Pot doesn't cause people to do that. I did a show in Amsterdam a few months ago, and people weren't yelling stuff out at all. They also weren't laughing very much, but I think they were still having a good time.

Society has definitely gotten to the point where everybody has to comment on anything, and if you want to stay sane as a performer, you're better off not reading that stuff.

Stand-up is a very scary, very solitary profession, but you have to experience it to figure out if it's right for you.

The great thing about being up early on a Sunday is nothing.

The motion picture Deadpool was my favorite funny movie of [2016]. Something that I could just watch over and over again, because it's just so... he says so many things.

There was always, along the way in my career, as more and more I made marijuana a part of my act and my life, the more I'd hear from people saying, like, well, part of the reason that everybody likes it so much is because of the excitement of it not being legal. I always thought that was silly. Especially when it comes to smoking marijuana. People are certainly not less interested in it now that it's legal. In terms of comedy, it has kind of shifted a little bit in that it seems like the novelty has sort of worn off a little bit.

The thing is girls will always say you're lying when you say you had sex with them when you're lying about having sex with them.

The thing that still exists is that if it's at all possible for me to step outside the club after the show, because I still haven't encountered any comedy clubs that - legally they can't have weed smoking and alcohol at the same facility, pretty much in all the states that have legalized, that's part of the deal. And, unfortunately, comedy clubs make all their money from the selling alcohol part of it. So, since there are no venues I can smoke with the fans in, I step outside and pretty much every show I do there are some people out there and we have a nice little session.

The whole pot-to-alcohol thing is a huge issue with me, because I've grown to hate drunks so much, and like potheads.

Tom Cruise shouldn't try to win Oscars. He should just smile and kick people in the face and leave the acting to Hugh Jackman. Why Hugh Jackman? I dunno; come up with your own example, smart-ass.

We don't want any pot-smoking vaginas because that's disgusting. And I saw it once in Indonesia, and I've never been able to get it out of my head.