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By AnonymLouise Rennison
And a secret inward voice in my head was saying (in a strange breathy voice...) Yes, yessss, I will pop round to The Blind Pig. I will 'pop' round because guess who lives at the Blind Pig? It is not a blind pig, it is Alex.
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By AnonymLouise Rennison
And that's when it fell off in my hand
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By AnonymLouise Rennison
And the kittykats would have to erect scaffolding and a pulley to get him down. Mind you, I wouldn't put that past them. Sometimes when they are behind the sofa supposedly purring, I think they are drilling.
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By AnonymLouise Rennison
As I have often said, she has two styles of acting: with or without the beard.
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By AnonymLouise Rennison
As she left my room I knew I should shut up. But you know when you should shut up because you really should just shut up...but you keep on and on anyway? Well, I had that.
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By AnonymLouise Rennison
As we drew near to the gates of Dother Hall the old bell in the belfry rang out. I said, 'I must go in, it's nigh on ten of the clock.' He half-turned away from me, his jacket collar hiding his expression. Was he angry? Disappointed?" Jo looked intently and I said, "Hungry?" Jo ignored me, but as she passed by acting out walking away from Phil, she allowed her hand to slap against my head.
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By AnonymLouise Rennison
At that point Ms Fox came in and said, "Hello, carry on as if I am not here." Then she lay down on the floor.
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By AnonymLouise Rennison
Cor, love a duck. And also Lawks-a-mercy. I said that inwardly, but outwardly I said, "Blimey, and also, what larks.
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By AnonymLouise Rennison
Dad at breakfast today being very quiet. I notice he is clean shaven. I said to him, "Vati, what has happened to the little beaver that used to live on the end of your chin?
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By AnonymLouise Rennison
Dad has brought me a cup of tea in bed this morning! I said, 'Vati, why are you waking me up in the middle of the night? Are you on fire?
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By AnonymLouise Rennison
Dance of the Sugar Plum Bikey. Yes, that's got a nice ring to it.
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By AnonymLouise Rennison
Heathcliff. The "hero" of Wuthering Heights. Although no one knows why. He's mean, moody, and possibly a bit on the pongy side. Cathy loves him, though. She shows this by viciously rejecting him and marrying someone else for a laugh. Still, that is true love on the moors for you.
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By AnonymLouise Rennison
He came over and ruffled my hair, which is technically assault. I could get on the blower to ChildLine.
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By AnonymLouise Rennison
He had everything a dream boy should have. Back, front, sides, Everything. A head.
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By AnonymLouise Rennison
Hello, my sister, Libby, also your daughter, is snogging a potato in my bed. What are you going to do about it?' Dad started yelling uncontrollably. I wonder if he is having the male menopause? If he starts growing breasts, I will definitely be running away with the Circus.
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By AnonymLouise Rennison
Here is another marvy glimpse into the gothic basement that I call my mind.
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By AnonymLouise Rennison
Here is my recipe for a mood enhancer. Take a friend, preferably one with a really annoying fringe and outsize pants, and when she is rambling on swiftly, push her into a ditch and run away.
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By AnonymLouise Rennison
He said, "Hi, gorgeous," which I think is nice. I admire honesty.
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By AnonymLouise Rennison
He who laughs last laughs the laughiest.
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By AnonymLouise Rennison
Honestly, what planet do these people live on? And why isn't it farther away?
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By AnonymLouise Rennison
How many times do we all have to do this? Get up, go to school, again? Before everyone admits it's a crap idea?
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By AnonymLouise Rennison
I am exhausted by trying to get along with the Lord.
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By AnonymLouise Rennison
I am going to keep my mind (well, what's left of it) occupied by doing (and I never thought the day would come when I would say this) my homework.
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By AnonymLouise Rennison
I am looking at you and you are looking at me. This is very good. I am looking and I am liking. You are looking and you are thinking, 'I hope she doesn't hit me with her crop.' But that is because I am me and you are you.
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By AnonymLouise Rennison
I am soooo excited, I am over-excited. I'm hysterical, I may have to slap my own face in a minute at this rate.
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By AnonymLouise Rennison
I can already feel myself getting fed up with boys and I haven't had anything to do with them yet" - Georgia Nicolson
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By AnonymLouise Rennison
I could have quite literally snogged until the cows came home. And when they came home I would have shouted, "WHAT HAVE YOU COWS COME HOME FOR? CAN'T YOU SEE I'M SNOGGING, YOU STUPID HERBIVORES???
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By AnonymLouise Rennison
I couldn't believe it. It was unbelievable, that's why. My face was like a frozen fish finger. All rigid and pale. (But obviously not with breadcrumbs on it.)
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By AnonymLouise Rennison
I don't know what's going on with Mum and Dad, but it's weird. Mum keeps asking Dad to do things and he keeps doing them Unfotunately, she hasn't said 'Hand over your money and make your way to Europe!
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By AnonymLouise Rennison
I don't want to be rude to the afflicted but Uncle Eddie is bald in a way which is the baldest I have ever seen.
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By AnonymLouise Rennison
If you fall down those stairs and break both of your legs, don't come running to me!
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By AnonymLouise Rennison
I gave my artistic laugh and also threw in some quirky language for good measure. "Lawks-a-mercy, no! I'm going to have a long bath and..." I looked shyly down. Which is pretty impressive to have done artistic laugh, quirky language and shyness all in the space of ten seconds.
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By AnonymLouise Rennison
I like the idea that I can talk to any teenage girls. You know, in a language that makes sense to them.
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By AnonymLouise Rennison
I'm not a ice cream, i'm a human being
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By AnonymLouise Rennison
I put my arm around her and said, "Jas, I have found that when you are troubled, it is often better to think of others rather than yourself. I think you would feel much better if you got me some milky coffee and jammy dodgers and I told you all about me.
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By AnonymLouise Rennison
I said, "Do you think she thinks it's me?" Jas said, "Well, it's pretty conclusive, isn't it? She said 'the most sniveling idiot I have ever come across.'" I said, "I didn't know that YOU have been seeing Masimo. Tom the Slug King is going to be very upset.
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By AnonymLouise Rennison
I think 'growing up' would mean that you are incredibly tolerant and easygoing, liked everything, curious about the world because you weren't so egotistically driven.
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By AnonymLouise Rennison
I've never had anyone say they love me before. Libby lobes me, that is true, but there is something a bit menacing about the way she says it.
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By AnonymLouise Rennison
I‘ve said it once and I will say it again, why can‘t everyone just speak English? The Americans give it a bit of a go — why can‘t other nations?
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By AnonymLouise Rennison
I wanted to kill her and make her eat her fringe. And her knickers.
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By AnonymLouise Rennison
I will not have him in my brain;there is no room for anyone else in the cakeshop of agony. it's crowded enough in there already.
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By AnonymLouise Rennison
Jassie, guess what I'm dancing in!' 'I don't know, a bowl?' 'Non... I am dancing in my Nuddy-pants!
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By AnonymLouise Rennison
Jas, you are three hundred miles away. You would have to have nunga-nungas the size of France for Jock to be able to rest his hand on them.
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By AnonymLouise Rennison
Look, I can't go out with you, because... because... because I'm a lesbian.
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By AnonymLouise Rennison
Looking out of the window at the infinite sky, I prayed out, 'Dear Baby Jesus, I am sorry for my sin, even though I do not know what they are, which seems a bit unfair if it is going to be held against me. But that is your way. And I am not questioning your wisdomosity. In future, however, would it be possible for my life to be not so entirely crap? Thank you.
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By AnonymLouise Rennison
Mr. Darcy was in Pride and Prejudice and at first he was all snooty and huffy; then he fell in a lake and came out with his shirt all wet. And then we all loved him. In a swoony way.
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By AnonymLouise Rennison
Mum said, "It is the thought that counts." And I said, "I know, which is why I am ringing the authorities right now. Anyone who thinks like she does should be locked up out of harm's way.
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By AnonymLouise Rennison
My cousin Georgia says that boys are like gazelles. She says the get alarmed when they get close to girls. And they have to leap off into the woods like gazelles in trousers. Or have I just made that up?
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By AnonymLouise Rennison
Non...I am DANCING IN MY NUDDY-PANTS!!!' And we both laughed like loons on loon tablets. I danced for ages round the house in my nuddy-pants. Also, I did this brilliant thing-I danced in the front window just for a second whilst Mr. Across the Road was drawing his curtains. He will never be sure if he saw a mirage or not. That is the kind of person I am. Not really the kind of person who goes and raises elks in Whakatane.
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By AnonymLouise Rennison
Or if I truly gave up I could be like Wet Lindsay. When Robbie dumped her she got all pale and even wetter than normal. She was like an anoraksick. (A person who is both very thin and wears tragic anoraks.) I just made that up as a joke. Even though I am very upset I can still think of a joke.
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