Best 56 quotes of Mort Sahl on MyQuotes

A conservative is someone who believes in reform. But not now.

A Yuppie is someone who believes it's courageous to eat in a restaurant that hasn't been reviewed yet.

Hillary's explanation of the Libyan action to Congress was so good, I wonder who explained it to her?

I don't believe in good people and bad people. I believe in the better parts of people.

I don't think crucifixion is the answer. I believe in the resurrection. I like that part of the story.

I don't think fascism is dying for.

If anybody comes up to you and says, My kid is a conservative - why is that? you say, Remember in the 60′s when we told you if you kept using drugs your kids would be mutants?

I found people looked better when they laughed

If someone were to ask me for a short cut to sensuality, I would suggest he go shopping for a used 427 Shelby-Cobra. But it is only fair to warn you that of the 300 guys who switched to them in 1966, only two went back to women.

If you maintain a consistent political position long enough, you'll eventually be accused of treason.

I made the mistake early in my career, when I moved to Hollywood, of being attracted to actresses. I used to go out exclusively with actresses and other female impersonators.

I'm for capital punishment. You've got to execute people. How else are they going to learn?

I never met a man I didn't like until I met Will Rogers.

In the forties, to get a girl you had to be a GI or a jock. In the fifties, to get a girl you had to be Jewish. In the sixties, to get a girl you had to be black. In the seventies, to get a girl you've got to be a girl.

I took benzedrine - I got clairvoyance. With benzedrine you can have a very wide view of the world, like you can decide the destiny of man and other pressing problems, such as which is the left sock?

I used to go out with actresses and other female impersonators.

I've arranged with my executor to be buried in Chicago. Because when I die, I want to still remain active politically.

I watched Ken Burns' Civil War series on PBS. My favorite segment is when Bob Hope entertains the troops at Gettysburg.

I went to computer class with my Dell and I was bullied by a guy with a Mac.

Liberals feel unworthy of their possessions. Conservatives feel they deserve everything they've stolen.

Most people past college age are not atheists. It's too hard to be in society, for one thing. Because you don't get any days off. And if you're an agnostic you don't know whether you get them off or not.

My life needs editing.

My whole life is a movie. It's just that there are no dissolves. I have to live every agonizing moment of it. My life needs editing.

New book on Malcolm X says we don't know how he was killed. Want to bring in the FBI. Maybe they were in already.

Nixon's the kind of guy that if you were drowning fifty feet off shore, he'd throw you a thirty foot rope. Then Kissinger would go on TV the next night and say that the President had met you more than half-way.

Now that Obama is at war in a 3rd country, does that mean he has to give back his Nobel Peace Prize?

Obama said he went to Libya because of his conscience. Did anyone ever wrestle with his conscience and lose?

Obama says his recreation consists of reading the Constitution... looking for a loophole.

One thing about being narrow-minded: you'll never be lonely.

People tell me there are a lot of guys like me, which doesn't explain why I'm lonely.

Professional comedians, surprisingly, have a lack of humor. They're insensitive to the insanity of our times.

Reagan won because he ran against Jimmy Carter. If he ran unopposed he would have lost.

Remember that no matter how selfish, how cruel, how unfeeling you have been today, every time you take a breath, you make a flower happy.

Remember when movies were just good or bad, before auteurs, film festivals, and guys from USC who were the first to shoot underwater?

Television is never more false than when it's openly sincere.

That feeling of hopelessness only serves your masters.

The beat generation is a coffeehouse full of people expectantly looking at their watches waiting for the beat generation to come on.

The bravest thing that men do is love women.

The distance between taking social action and having the knowledge is as wide as the mouth of the Mississippi.

The fact is that you can't have a good relationship with a girl who hasn't settled things with her father.

The New York Times is the official leak of the State Department.

There are Russian spies here now. And if we're lucky, they'll steal some of our secrets and they'll be two years behind.

There's a danger our fiscal bankruptcy might overtake our moral bankruptcy.

There's so much Botox around now that you can't tell when a Jewish girl is angry!

There were four million people in the American Colonies and we had Jefferson and Franklin. Now we have over 200 million and the two top guys are Clinton and Dole. What can you draw from this? Darwin was wrong.

This matter of two sides to every question is bad logic and bad practice: sometimes there are no sides; sometimes there are a hundred.

Those who the gods would make rich and famous on TV, they first drive mad.

Washington couldn't tell a lie, Nixon couldn't tell the truth, and Reagan couldn't tell the difference.

We claim we believe in compassion, which is an abstract, and when it's personified we discredit the man

We would have broken up except for the children. Who were the children? Well, she and I were.