Best 3653 quotes in «humorous quotes» category

In all of the possible scenarios Kian had envisioned, encountering a lunatic had not been one of them. It just showed him that he could never be completely prepared.

În a patra zi, Monstrul Plictiseală a prins din zbor o foaie dintr-o revistă motivațională adusă de un uragan de pe Pământ. (Erau din ce în ce mai dese uraganele pe Pământ, oamenii ăia chiar nu se plictiseau deloc). Așa a aflat că toate soluțiile la probleme sunt deja în interiorul lui. S-a retras în sine, într-o stare de meditație profundă. În a cincea zi – zi de transă. În a șasea zi – idem ziua cinci. În a șaptea zi, a ieșit din starea de meditație mai plictisit decât intrase. Soluțiile or fi fost în interior, dar nu în interiorul lui. Și atunci i-a venit IDEEA. Ce-ar fi să caute în interiorul altora? Să scotocească adânc, să-i gâdile, să-i locuiască, să-i transforme în marionetele lui personale. Planul era măreț și tocmai din acest motiv avea nevoie de cineva mic pentru a începe marea schimbare. Scria tot acolo, pe foaia din revistă, negru pe alb, că marile schimbări încep cu pași mici.... Deci, cine avea cel mai mic pas de pe Pământ?

I never inhaled.

In arguing, what people lack in intellect they usually make up for in name-calling.

In a way it was worth it, she thought, except that it was such a total waste.

Indeed! I am truly glad to hear it. I always always fond of Osborne; and, do you know, I never really took to Roger; I respected him and all that, of course. But to compare him with Mr. Henderson! Mr. Henderson is so handsome and well-bred, and gets all his gloves from Houbigant!

Incidentally, I'm puzzled why, with so much oxygen about, thing didn't burst into flames all the time. Perhaps they did.

I need you to get inside Wayne's head. I need someone who thinks a bit left field and in your own unpleasant way, Helen Walsh, you're a genius. He had a point. I'm lazy and illogical. I've limited people skills. I'm easily bored and easily irritated. But I have moments of brilliance. They come and they go and I can't depend on them but they do happen.

In her small voice, Persephone said, "I have nothing to add." After a moment of consideration, she added, however, "If you are going to punch someone, don't put your thumb inside your fist. It would be a shame to break it.

I never said nothing..." "I know you never! I could hear you not saying anything! You've got the loudest silences I ever did hear from anyone who wasn't dead!

I never intended to become a zombie huntress; I had only intended to protest prom, high school’s last bastion of patriarchal society.

I never said she was a lady.

In his life there was only one woman. The other one.

In my experience, the romance novels written about BDSM have about as much in common with actual BDSM relationships as a child playing with a jump rope.

In movies, we are accustomed to seeing handsome actors. It's so commonplace on the screen, large or small, that we barely note it as extraordinary. But in life, rarely do we encounter an onslaught of beauty, entire a hive of handsomeness, find ourselves awash in an ocean of attractiveness, drowning in a miasma of hotness.

In my most desperate moments, I have never conceived of anything more horrible than a law office.

In Ireland we have the phenomenon known as a "Spoiled Priest." Unlike a spoiled child, this does not refer to a Priest throwing a temper tantrum.

I nod and smile and smile and nod, and when she turns away, I form a gun with my hand, place it to my temple, and pull the trigger. This girl is starved for attention. It's amazing to me when people are totally unaware of how bad they are at socializing.

I normally don't do requests. Unless, of course, I have been asked to do so.

In other words, he was the tree in the forest that silently fell--when no one was around to be crushed.

I notice being noticed immediately – I’m a freeway goddess! In the past five minutes of gridlock, I have been checked out by a bald man in convertible Mustang, a cowboy in an F-150, and a body-builder in a Lincoln Navigator. Watch out road warriors! I don’t want to be responsible for any accidents. If only I had a car decal that advertised: Available – if you meet my eligibility criteria!

I notice that I don’t experience much self-doubt when I’m talking about the weather.

In reality most human beings are not, to most human beings, more important than money.

In some cases, you can tell how somebody is being treated by their own boss from the way they are treating someone to whom they are a boss.

In my opinion, the person who created the torture device called gym class should be clobbered with an enormous frozen cucumber. Not to mention, the person who decided it would be a great idea to schedule me in first period gym every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday also deserves a heavy-handed whacking with the same frozen cucumber.

Innerst inne vill folk ha mulattbarn. Alla samma utblandade fadda plusminusnoll-människa.

In the beginning was the word, and that word was probably misconstrued by someone who then made it into a personal issue and started a fight causing people to be miserable

In the beginning there was the Word. Then we broke it.

In the end it will be your “Actions” “Convictions” & “Thoughts” which will determine how you shaped your life.

Intelligent people tend to care less about the opinions of others, they also enjoy being alone because of great sense of self.

In the end, it’s not the obviousness or the complexity of the matters that’s deluding mankind. It’s man himself.

In this, then, lies their power of understanding--understanding, without words, what is authentic or inauthentic. Thus it was the grimaces, the histrionisms, the false gestures and, above all, the false tones and cadences of the voice, which rang false for those wordless but immensely sensitive patients. It was to these (for them) most glaring, even grotesque, incongruities and improprieties that my aphasic patients responded, undeceived and undeceivable by words. This is why they laughed at the President's speech.

I nurse the small fish on my plate. Cassius is already finished with his, always a man of appetites. I'm more practiced than he in the art of self-deprivation at the dinner table, doesn't feel so long ago that I was a knobby-kneed boy sitting at my grandmother's dinner table when she turned her long neck to me and peered down that Peregrine nose, and in a kindly manner, inquired if I intend to sleep out in the gutter instead of in my bed chamber, because by virtue of the fact that I'd eaten three whole tarts, I'd clearly abdicated being a man in favor of being a little pig.

I nurture very good intentions about you. May you die in peace.

I once met an RAF pilot who told me of what he called a "bird strike". This, rather unfairly in my view, made it sound as if it was the bird's fault; as if the little feathered chap had deliberately tried to head-butt twenty tons of metal travelling in the opposite direction at just under the speed of sound, out of spite.

I only have so much willpower, Helen," he whispered. "And since you apparently sleep in the most ridiculously transparent tank top I've ever seen, I'm going to have to ask you to get under the covers before I do something stupid.

I poke at my skull with a finger. It didn't feel soft or anything. I didn't feel insane. But if you'd really lost it, would you have enough left to know? Crazy people never thought they were crazy. "I've always talked to things," I said. "And to myself." "Good point," myself agreed with me. "Unless that means you've been nuts all along." "I don't need wiseass remarks," I told myself severely. "There's work to do. So shut up.

I realized that I was okay with myself. I was quirky and withdrawn and loud, but I liked that. I smiled at strangers without thinking they were going to attack me and drag me into their cars. I went to doctors’ offices and touched magazines that had been touched by sick people.

I recalled thinking...His freakishly tidy side could be a problem. To say that neatness was not my strong suit would be a crime against, well, the truth.

I really am a little afraid, my dear,” hinted the cherub meekly, “that you are not enjoying yourself?” “On the contrary,” returned Mrs. Wilfer, “quite so. Why should I not?” “I thought, my dear, that perhaps your face might—“ “My face might be a martyrdom, but what would that import, or who should know it, if I smiled?” And she did smile; manifestly freezing the blood of Mr. George Sampson by so doing. For that young gentleman, catching her smiling eye, was so very much appalled by its expression as to cast about in his thoughts concerning what he had done to bring it down upon himself.

I refuse to give readers an uplifting faux experience engineered to comfort them and perpetuate the sociopolitical and economic status quo." "Who died and made you Bertolt Brecht?

I refuse to lie to children. I refuse to cater to the bullshit of innocence.

I recently came up with a great quote regarding relationships and felt it deserved to be post. If someone doesn't take the lead, there is no point in having the dance! Of note, I just found 3 books by Patti Henry. Imagine that!!!! I have posted one of them which seems fitting. Don't remember writing a book!

Interviewer: "What's the best thing you've learned on Idol?" Dalton Rapattoni: "Double-tie your shoelaces.

In the end, you will realize most friendship is feigning, most loving mere folly.

In the end all the puzzles of your life will be solved ,until then... laugh at the scepticism, live for the moment and remember everything happens for a reason.

I see no evil 'cause love is blind.

I screamed, Go to hell! in the car, and the GPS took me to my mother-in-law's house.

I regret it is not possible to marry by post.

I saw weird stuff in that place last night. Weird, strange, sick, twisted, eerie, godless, evil stuff… and I want in..