Best 3653 quotes in «humorous quotes» category

I suppose I look for humor in most situations because it humanizes things; it makes a character much more three-dimensional if there's some kind of humor. Not necessarily laugh-out-loud type of stuff, just a sense that there is a humorous edge to things. I do like that.

I take full responsability...for what we did. It was the right thing to do.

Italians come to ruin most generally in three ways, women, gambling, and farming. My family chose the slowest one.

It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes

It destroys one's nerves to be amiable every day to the same human being.

It don't make much difference what you study, so long as you don't like it.

It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.

It has long been recognized by public men of all kinds. . . that statistics come under the head of lying, and that no lie is so false or inconclusive as that which is based on statistics.

I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.

I think I am, therefore, I am... I think.

I think it would be totally inappropriate for me to even contemplate what I am thinking about.

I think it would be a good idea.

I think serial monogamy says it all.

It is an inconvenience, being located in a city where taxes are ludicrously high, where you pay twice your annual income to rent an apartment that could easily be carried on a commercial airline flight.

I think there are two prevailing views of the suburbs in the States: either they're this sort of tedious place, where everyone is the same, buys the same food and drives around in their little minivans, or the view is that the suburbs are extremely perverse in a humorous way.

I think you want a little unofficial help. Three undetected murders in one year won't do, Lestrade. But you handled the Molesey Mystery with less than your usual - that's to say, you handled it fairly well.

It is amusing that a virtue is made of the vice of chastity; and it's a pretty odd sort of chastity at that, which leads men straight into the sin of Onan, and girls to the waning of their color.

It is an old prerogative of kings to govern everything but their passions.

It is a sad truth, but we have lost the faculty of giving lovely names to things. Names are everything. I never quarrel with actions. My one quarrel is with words. The man who could call a spade a spade should be compelled to use one. It is the only thing he is fit for.

It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.

It is better to be loved rather than feared, or feared rather than loved? It might perhaps be answered that we should wish to be both: but since love and fear can hardly exist together, if we must choose between them, it is far safer to be feared than loved.

It is better to be quotable than to be honest.

It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.

I think the definition of someone who's still a swinger is a person who remains signed up on swinger websites because they're "humorous." If you'd been married to an alcoholic and found yourself dating someone whose couch cushions were stuffed with empty bottles, you might conclude you're part of the problem and are attracted to men who are going to keep making you miserable in the same oh-so-familiar way. I think you should look to date someone for whom the idea of a swinger website makes him want to slather himself in sanitizing gel.

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

It is better to debate a question without settling it than to settle a question without debating it.

It is considered in England and the United States that the Government of South Africa is altogether too harsh with its native peoples. It is sadly humorous to notice that the native in South Africa, however, holds an exactly reverse opinion and the fault he finds with the South African Government is that it is far too lenient in its administration of laws throughout the native populace.

It is easy for me to love myself, but for ladies to do it is another question altogether.

It is impossible to travel faster than light, and certainly not desirable, as one’s hat keeps blowing off.

It is no harm to be an ass, if one is content to bray and not kick.

" ... It is not my desire to wound the feelings of any person with whom I am connected in family bonds. I may be a hypocrite," said Mr. Pecksniff, cuttingly, "but I am not a brute.

It isn't what I do, but how I do it. It isn't what I say, but how I say it, and how I look when I do it and say it.

It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.

It is the business of little minds to shrink.

It is our American habit if we find the foundations of our educational structure unsatisfactory to add another story or wing.

It is something to be able to paint a particular picture, or to carve a statue, and so to make a few objects beautiful; but it is far more glorious to carve and paint the very atmosphere and medium through which we look, which morally we can do. To affect the quality of the day, that is the highest of arts.

I trust that age doth not wither nor custom stale my infinite variety.

It (Lewinskygate) has...compromised his moral authority

It is time to stop personal destruction and prying into private lives

It's a humorous statement that doesn't mean anything. You can't lie to God - it's ridiculous.

I try to sing many different kinds of songs. If I sing a batch of humorous songs, I'll throw in a deadly serious song. Or if I'm singing too many serious songs, I'll throw in a ridiculous song, to mix it up.

It's all right for a perfect stranger to kiss your hand as long as he's perfect.

It seems that Canada's historic mission is to come to the selfless aid both of its friends and of complete strangers, and then, once the crisis is over, to be well and truly ignored. Canada is the perpetual wallflower that stands on the edge of the hall, waiting for someone to come and ask her for a dance.

"It's an old habit of mine, Wal'r," said the Captain, "any time these fifty year. When you see Ned Cuttle bite his nails, Wal'r, then you may know that Ned Cuttle's aground.

It's better to be a dictator than gay.

It seems an easy choice - sacrifice the tree for a human life - until one learns that three trees must be destroyed for each patient treated. Suddenly we must confront some tough questions. How important are the medical needs of future generations?

It's been part of my signature to incorporate my humor with my dance, or even just how I'm feeling. If I'm feeling humorous, which I am, most of the day, I tend to incorporate that. If I'm dancing freestyle, if I feel like I've gotten too serious, while I'm moving, I'll think, "All right, it's time to lighten up a little bit," and I do. It just feels good.

It's a wonderful way to live, and not a bad way to go, either. The average Frenchman is still smiling three months after he's dead.

It seems that for success in science or art, a dash of autism is essential.

It's good to know that if I behave strangely enough, society will take full responsibility for me.