Best 3653 quotes in «humorous quotes» category

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    Zeus Is Dead is full of laugh-out-loud moments, lashings of sly wit, moan-worthy puns, and a complex, fast-paced storyline. There aren't very many humorous fantasy murder mysteries out there, especially not as intricately constructed as this one. Michael G. Munz takes a 'What if,' and runs with it like a toddler with Mom's smart phone. The guffaw-worthy throwaway bits will remind you of Douglas Adams. A very enjoyable read.

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    Zionism and pessimism are not compatible.

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    A balanced dieT to make you die with a tea, consists of holding two bags of cookies on each hand and a voracious hunger to consume.

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    5. Television is of great educational value. It teaches you while still really young how to (a) kill, (b) rob, (c) embezzle, (d) shoot, (e) poison, and generally speaking, (f) how to grow up into a Wild West outlaw or gangster by the time you leave school. 6. Television puts a stop to crime because all the burglars and robbers, instead of going to burgle and rob, sit at home watching The Lone Ranger, Emergency Ward Ten and Dotto.

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    99% of all problems can be solved by money -- and for the other 1% there's alcohol.

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    Aargh! I’m too short for this shit!

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    A bride never forgets her wedding ornaments, why should we forsake our heavenly Father, the bridegroom?

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    A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, unless it is the burning bush, in that case the value of your bird just went up!!

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    50% of all facts are false and the other half are just made up

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    A comedian is better than a politician; at least there is no doubt.

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    A coalescence of verbose convolution, veering on imperceptibility, impinges upon a plain proclamation an apparent profundity.

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    Add your typical shower and claw feet Owners claw foot tub, consider incorporating the most traditional sense of joy in the ease and comfort revolutionary shower, governments are mainly engaged in the race just to check in early for power within very ready. Clawfoot tubs wear’s now includes a shower; there are many strategies to use the shower in the bathroom now. Even if a person must be determined in those particular individual hairs, can be costly and impractical. Although the site has a separate shower grow, keep in mind that you want the products and save more modern maintenance. Value management easier and more efficient to add a shower curtain and bath address. The information is not expensive, there are some ideas that you can include in the acquired shower. Contractor or plumber can provide ideas and even to make for you. The original can take water heater shower bath in the direction of the feet and the creation of a rod with an en suite shower room, and when the curtain. Shower curtains apartment surrounded significantly reduces splash of water leaks. Another option would be surplus tiles on the long term, the use of H2O "enemy" and shower rod and curtain also furnished, "L" of the aspects described in determining the bath. What will be more expensive and bathroom alone for a long time, some people are afraid of this option. On the way to the drain in the shower, you could be the cables hidden in the bathroom near the wall. The second course in the HVAC responsible for pre-tube immediately describes the bath to the option in the direction of the traditional classical appearance. There are several different types of decorative lighting and lids which are made in such a way that appears to choose in the hoses pin and presented a lot of good taste on the market. For those who are willing to deal with their own tasks, traders improving the registered owner of the Depot and Lowe's contain a number of "do it yourself" kits are unique measurements. Such kits are barrels and other containers, as defined above use’s shower built for joint legs. Everything requires a few simple policies and lower resistance to the purchase is detected. This kind of "precursors" of the water, you can judge for yourself in the shower longitudinal shower, shower curtains and thoughts. If you take even more concerned that the easiest only independent bathroom each provider in the health of office workers only in the direction of the support of others and crank implementing rules. Have a good friend or spouse and children of a member who keep an eye on your health, as it is commonly known. No need for the resolution, that the decision to migrate to an item in the shower of his classic bathroom was somewhat effortlessly came to rise. It goes in the direction of maximizing claw foot tub, or take an impressive ease of use aerosol own desire. Many decisions wonderful shower curtain in the direction of the changes the rest of the room was coming towards a holistic view of their cosmetics, and a lot of fun to drive in the direction of your claw foot tub.

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    A cupcake temple?' Her chest still tight with anxiety, Bertie forced herself to imagine it: bricks of pound cake mortared with buttercream and chocolate ganache, torches like striped birthday candles set into the walls, pilgrims upon the Path of Delectable Righteousness delivering daily tributes of almond paste and raspberry filling. . . .

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    A cult? Jesus Christ. No wonder Anita is worried about her children. They’re like turkeys—they might drown themselves in the rain if you don’t watch ’em close enough.

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    A friend once told me "Michael, if you were a villain, you'd be the Joker," to which I replied, "no, dear friend - if the Joker were a villain, he'd be ME.

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    Adventures of Lailah Gifty Akita, the wonder woman!

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    After a few months of observation he had come up with a second theory, which was this - ‘If human beings don’t keep exercising their lips, their brains start working.

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    After all, nothing nurtures a friendship bond more than the ability to consistently bitch about someone else.

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    Adventuring turned out to be boring. Zach thought back to all the fantasy books he'd read where a team of questers traveled overland, and realized a few things. First he'd pictured himself with a loyal steed that would have done most of the walking, so he hadn't anticipated the blister forming on his left heel or the tiny pebble that seemed to have worked its way under his sock, so that even when he stripped off his sneaker he couldn't find it. He hadn't thought about how hot the sun would be either. When he put together his bunch of provisions, he never thought about bringing sunblock. Aragorn never wore sunblock. Taran never wore sunblock. Percy never wore sunblock. But despite all that precedent for going without, he was pretty sure his nose would be lobster-red the next time he looked in the mirror. He was thirsty, too, something that happened a lot in books, but his dry throat bothered him more than it had ever seemed to bother any character. And, unlike in books where random brigands and monsters jumped out just when things got unbearably dull, there was nothing to fight except for the clouds of gnats, several of which Zach was pretty sure he'd accidentally swallowed.

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    After the new information had been sent out and everyone knew what was going on, Onmvar and Herilda went back to working but what happened next surprised them the most unlikely person to walk through their doors did, Jevlei Onmvar looked up “What brings you here?” Jevlei simply shrugged “I want to become a trainer.” he announced what!? “Who are you and what have you done with the real Jevlei!” Herilda shouted “I am being serious.” but Onmvar and Herilda were not taking this whole thing seriously at all.

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    After a certain point, all natural bodily changes are for the worst.

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    After a few more minutes of daydreaming about how fabulous I could become, I look down at the heading on my paper: Janey's Reinvention Plan. It appears lonely at the top of the page. I should probably add some bullets beneath, but I've never been much of a list maker.

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    A friend told me that one day he and I would be rich and famous. I told him that I'd trade my half of the fame, for his half of the money.

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    After reading some of my stories, I once had a friend say to me, "I'd love to spend five minutes in your head to see what's going on in there." I warned them, "If you spent five seconds in my mind you'd probably run out screaming and never speak to me again.

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    After you've taken so much trouble to set up recorder, you ask me now?

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    age is a state of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it don't matter.

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    After we bring food home from the grocery store...Dogs must think we are the greatest hunters ever!

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    A goatee is to beards what diamonds are to ornaments.

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    Aging gracefully - A concept that is rejected in 40s, but gracefully accepted in 50s...

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    A good lover? One percent talent and ninety nine percent hard work.

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    After taking some time deliberating about his attacker and the bizarre series of events that took place on what otherwise was supposed to be an uneventful morning, his lips curve into a sexy smile, adorning his chiseled jaw. Her actions were foolish. Nonsensical. Laughable. And … He loved it. All of it.

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    After that, he drank all the rest of the sherry, and Mr. Hubble drank the port, and the two talked (which I have since observed to be customary in such cases) as if they were of quite another race from the deceased, and were notoriously immortal.

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    Aging gracefully - A that is rejected in 40s, but gracefully accepted in 50s...

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    A gold cage is still a cage. -King David I Oh, go cry in a bag of money. -Queen Christina

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    A good friend will bail you out of jail. A true friend will be sitting next to you saying, 'damn, we fucked up'.

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    A great mission by a great woman.

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    Ah, but people don't run true to form in love affairs.

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    A grayeyard is not a democracy, and yet death is the great democracy..

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    Ah, but you must have a Christmas uncomplicated by murder.

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    A “good friend” was well…. Like your teeth. You had a limited number of them to last you an entire lifetime. You could survive without them, but having them made life much more enjoyable. If you didn’t take good care of them, you could lose them forever.

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    Ah, spite, the stuff of fairy tales.

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    A knee to the balls from a car full of clowns would have been less awkward than the look he was receiving from the whiskey-eyed angel.

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    A layer of fine powder coats his skin. “My lungs are turning to concrete,” Rob wheezes, hacking and spitting. “So are my eyes. How do I always get roped into these things?” Avery coughs and pats Rob’s back in sympathy. A poof of dust billows from the contact.

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    A kiss is the only thing you can throw at someone without being held criminally responsible.

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    Alexandra, my eldest, here, plays the piano, or reads or sews; Adelaida paints landscapes and portraits (but never finishes any); and Aglaya sits and does nothing. I don't work too much, either.

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    ALGERNON. I really don't see anything romantic in proposing. It is very romantic to be in love. But there is nothing romantic about a definite proposal. Why, one may be accepted. One usually is, I believe. Then the excitement is all over. The very essence of romance is uncertainty. If ever I get married, I'll certainly try to forget the fact. JACK. I have no doubt about that, dear Algy. The Divorce Court was specially invented for people whose memories are so curiously constituted. ALGERNON. Oh! there is no use speculating on that subject. Divorces are made in Heaven-...

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    A lie near to truth is always difficult to catch

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    Albert Camus did not know he was summing up modern photojournalism when he wrote:"Will I kill myself or have a cup of coffee

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    A life is similar to a book. Some chapters are boring,a few emotional, a handful memorable,others saddening,one or two thoughtful and many full of smiles.

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    A little bit of this, A little bit of that, A little bit of this . ..

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