Best 708 quotes in «sarcasm quotes» category

Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.

Canada has a passive-aggressive culture, with a lot of sarcasm and righteousness. That went with my weird messianic complex. The ego is a fascinating monster. I was taught from a young age that I had to serve, so that turned into me thinking I had to save the planet.

Crime is rampant. We even steal away from responsibility.

Critics are reprimanded when they get sarcastic. How absurd! Is the torch of criticism supposed to shine without burning?

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

Creative semantics is the key to contemporary government; it consists of talking in strange tongues lest the public learn the inevitable inconveniently early.

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

Death will be a great relief. No more interviews.

Detection is, or ought to be, an exact science, and should be treated in the same cold and unemotional manner. You have attempted to tinge it with romanticism, which produces much the same effect as if you worked a love-story or an elopement into the fifth proposition of Euclid.

Don't consider sarcasm the 'be-all' and 'end-all' of verbal intercourse. Far too many people place way too much importance on the sarcasm instead of the talking, in and of itself, as a precious shared experience between people.

Don't be humble... you're not that great.

Everyone who ever walked barefoot into his child's room late at night hates Legos.

Do unto yourself as your Neighbours do unto Themselves and look Pleasant.

don't be angry with the gentleman for thinking, whatever be the cause, for I assure you he makes no common practice of offending in that way.

Everything comes to him who waits, except a loaned book.

Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome.

For your information, I would like to ask a question.

Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.

Everything is worth precisely as much as a belch, the difference being that a belch is more satisfying.

Growing up and living in England, I'm surrounded by grey skies and sarcasm, so when I came to America, my first impressions were bright, hopeful, cheerful.

He didn't see me looking at him, but I could tell the ceremony was having the same effect on him. He was enraptured. It was a rare and sweet look for him, reminding me of the tortured artist that lived beneath the sarcasm. I liked that about Adrian—not the tortured part, but the way he could feel so deeply and then transform those emotions into art.

Having the critics praise you is like having the hangman say you've got a pretty neck.

For some reason that only a sociologist might be able to accurately explain, the Brazilian Press was extremely unkind to me, reporting only selective derogatory untruthful rumors (some of which are still around), harsh criticism, and unwarranted sarcasm. I was very hurt by this. It was such great disappointment... When I came back from Brazil at that time, I made a promise to myself that I would never, ever again sing in Brazil. So far [as of 2002], I have kept this promise, having declined each and every invitation or proposals to perform in Brazil. Once was enough!

He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.

Hell hath no fury like a bureaucrat scorned.

Her virtue was that she said what she thought, her vice that what she thought didn't amount to much.

He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.

He was happily married - but his wife wasn't.

History repeats itself. That's one of the things wrong with history.

His ignorance is encyclopedic.

His neighbor is a tooth-drawer. That bag at his girdle is full of the teeth that he drew at Winchester fair. I warrant that there are more sound ones than sorry, for he is quick at his work and a trifle dim in the eye.

I always get the better when I argue alone.

History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.

I am in full possession of the amazing power of being sarcastic.

History teaches us virtue, but nature never ceases to teachh us vice.

I can do only one thing at a time, but I can avoid doing many things simultaneously.

how does she know it's the right room?' wondered Descant. Oh, I don't know; mabye it's the magical red glow coming from the doorway, or perhaps it's the deafening howl of the temporal winds.' said Mervall. Descant nodded.'You could be right, brother. And don't think I don't know sarcasm when I hear it.

I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.

I did a picture in England one winter and it was so cold I almost got married.

I can fluently speak five languages: English, emoji, sexting, sarcasm and sass.

I don't like food that's too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I'd buy a painting.

I don't mind what language an opera is sung in so long as it is the language I don't understand.

I find that the further I go back, the better things were, whether they happened or not.

I'd to do more stuff with less sarcasm.

I do sarcasm really poorly.

If the world should blow itself up, the last audible voice would be that of an expert saying it can't be done.

I find it rather easy to portray a businessman. Being bland, rather cruel and incompetent comes naturally to me.

If the French were really intelligent, they'd speak English.

If you drink like a fish, don't drive: swim.

If you can find something everyone agrees on, it's wrong.