Best 708 quotes in «sarcasm quotes» category

I always get the better when I argue alone.

I am in full possession of the amazing power of being sarcastic.

I did a picture in England one winter and it was so cold I almost got married.

I can do only one thing at a time, but I can avoid doing many things simultaneously.

I don't like food that's too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I'd buy a painting.

I can fluently speak five languages: English, emoji, sexting, sarcasm and sass.

I don't mind what language an opera is sung in so long as it is the language I don't understand.

I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.

I find it rather easy to portray a businessman. Being bland, rather cruel and incompetent comes naturally to me.

I find that the further I go back, the better things were, whether they happened or not.

If the French were really intelligent, they'd speak English.

I do sarcasm really poorly.

If the world should blow itself up, the last audible voice would be that of an expert saying it can't be done.

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

If you can find something everyone agrees on, it's wrong.

If you drink like a fish, don't drive: swim.

I'd to do more stuff with less sarcasm.

If you love someone set them free. If they come back, set them on fire.

I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.

If you're choking in a restaurant you can just say the magic words, 'Heimlich maneuver,' and all will be well. Trouble is, it's difficult to say 'Heimlich maneuver' when you're choking to death.

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

I grew up in an environment of jokes and sarcasm and puns. I talk that way, so I write that way.

I have been complimented many times and they always embarrass me; I always feel that they have not said enough.

I have my own views about Nature's methods, though I feel that it is rather like a beetle giving his

I have only one ambition left: I should like to have a good epitaph.

I have seen slower people than I am and more deliberate... and even quieter, and more listless, and lazier people than I am. But they were dead.

I just want you that's it. All your flaws, mistakes, smiles, giggles, jokes, sarcasm. Everything. I just want you

In order to fully realize how bad a popular play can be, it is necessary to see it twice.

I love Americans, but not when they try to talk French. What a blessing it is that they never try to talk English.

I squirm when I see athletes praying before a game. Don't they realize that if God took sports seriously he never would have created George Steinbrenner.

It ain't often that a man's reputation outlasts his money.

I think you want a little unofficial help. Three undetected murders in one year won't do, Lestrade. But you handled the Molesey Mystery with less than your usual - that's to say, you handled it fairly well.

I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.

I see little hope for democracy as an effective form of government, but I admire the poetry of how it makes its victims complicit in their own destruction.

It is after you have lost your teeth that you can afford to buy steaks.

It is quite untrue that British people don't appreciate music. They may not understand it but they absolutely love the noise it makes.

I thought the line 'I am the daughter of the former governor of Alaska' was very funny. I think the word is 'sarcasm.' In my family we think laughing is good. My parents raised me to have a sense of humor and to live a normal life.

It's a plastic surgeon you need, not a doctor

It's a fitting irony that under Richard Nixon "launder" became a dirty word.

It's better to be black than gay because when you're black you don't have to tell your mother.

It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is quite a profitable sum, especially when one considers that the Mafia spends very little for office supplies.

I want either less corruption, or more chance to participate in it.

I was so furious I was actually dizzy with it. There were so many bitchy, sarcastic observations to make, I was having a sarcasm stroke. "My God! You people! You're - you're so stupid you're making my eyeballs throb. They're throbbing, dammit!

I would like to take you seriously, but to do so would be an affront to your intelligence.

I would like to live in Manchester, England. The transition between Manchester and death would be unnoticeable.

It's easier to replace a dead man than a good picture.

Krzhizhanovsky wanted to perform imaginary experiments with the nature of time and space. Outside, in the streets, the Communist state was busy performing such experiments for real. In response, Krzhizhanovsky's prose has a recklessly unstable tone in which delighted examination of impossible worlds can slip into ferocious political sarcasm.... It is a method for investigating how much unreality reality can bear.

Laws are like sausages, it is better not to see them being made.

Many wealthy people are little more than janitors of their possessions.

Living, as I do, in an educated and scientific atmosphere, I could not have conceived that the first principles of zoology were so little known. Is it possible that you do not know the elementary fact in comparative anatomy, that the wing of a bird is really the forearm, while the wing of a bat consists of three elongated fingers with membranes between?