Best 708 quotes in «sarcasm quotes» category

Love is worth dying for, said the spermatozoid.

MacMillian groaned again, and sat up. "Clients?" "Yeah. You know, people who'll give us money in exchange for work.

Luchesi cannot tell amontillado from a sherry

Marion: What is all this? What's going on? Clint: The same thing that's always going on. The end of the world.

Luckily we don't sleep standing. Who knows where the dream will take us!

Luke is the sort of boy Taylor Swift could at least three songs out of.

Mathilde returned and strolled past the drawing-room windows; she saw him busily engaged in describing to Madame de Fervaques the old ruined castles that crown the steep banks of the Rhine and give them so distinctive a character. He was beginning to acquit himself none too badly in the use of the sentimental and picturesque language which is called wit in certain drawing-rooms.

Marriage is always something of a compromise, as I'm sure you're now aware. Any long-term relationship is - and one does have to see it in the long term, Charles. No, I expect your mother and myself will never divorce. It's uneconomic and, at my age, usually unnecessary.

Maybe, she thought, the reign of malicious sarcasm was over and she could be a good person again.

Min aska kommer sprida värme.

Miss Green can call a turd a rose if she wants, but that don't mean people's going to be lining up to smell it.

Most of the people you read about being turned meet vamps in clubs or over the Internet...Ew, did you...?" "Yes, I met a vampire on the Internet, went to his evil love den, and let him turn me, because I'm that brainless.

Most thoughtful,"...[he said] politely. This cheerfulness was ambiguous, Had she determined to ignore ...[the] coup entirely--an established tactic, most irritating to the innovator but hard to sustain over long periods of time--or had she already evolved her counter-strategy?

Marcus stepped behind the bar, saying, “Dan sent me over to assist you and learn how to tend the bar.” Doms could be pain-in-the-ass mother hens.

Men weigh love with hands.

Michel en a marre d'être seul. Alors il s'est amputé d'une partie de son cerveau, histoire de ne pas voir la fille comme elle était: une emmerdeuse de premier ordre.

Murderous thieves make their home here." She failed to keep the tremor from her voice. "Absolutely," Jonas replied. "Dangerous animals too." "Without a doubt." She slanted a look toward him. "Perfect place for you." He repressed a snort. "Oh, such compliments, your highness. You're going to make me blush.

My dominant (no pun intended) discourse seems to be needy as fuck.

Muslims are bad because they are, that’s all. Why would you need a reason? It’s one thing to let your child go blind because you read on Facebook that the measles vaccine would make him autistic, it’s another to ship him off to a work camp because he inherited his grandmother’s genes instead of Grandpa’s. Our entire race is trying to lobotomize itself. It’s as moronic and repulsive as someone cutting off their own legs.

My eyes must spend at least fifty per cent of any given day rolled to the back of my head.

My other hand?' Lopen said. 'The one that was cut off long ago, eaten by a fearsome beast? It is making a rude gesture toward you right now. I thought you would want to know, so you can prepare to be insulted.

My maid never sweeps under the bed so I asked her to do so today. Found a pen, three pairs of shoes and the man I had lost two years ago.

Most wives fuck their husbands, just to ensure financial support. Marriage is just a form of legalized prostitution, when you really thought about it.

Never trust your colleagues. Work politics are founded by them.

Niko was a man of few words and flying, sugary snacks. I like that in a human. ~Catcher

Ninety percent of the people are not happy with their jobs. The remaining ten percent don’t deserve their jobs in the first place.

Need I say more?' 'No, because you're wrong, and I'd hate for you to keep embarrassing yourself.

Natürlich mochte ich die, die nicht ich waren, nur selten.

Normally ghosts didn't scare him. (Assuming, of course, Gaea hadn't encased them in shells of stone and turned them into killing machines. That had been a new one for him.)

Not one of the boys like me. I’ve put their noses out of joint.” “Well, they were never good-looking lads.

Now Adam slouched alone along the dusty lane. It was a good slouch. Adam had a way of slouching along that offended all right-thinking people. It wasn't that he just allowed his body to droop. He could slouch with inflections, and now the set of his shoulders reflected the hurt and bewilderment of those unjustly thwarted in their selfless desire to help their fellow men.

No one plows the field just by thinking about it.

No, no. By all means, lead on. Nothing gets the blood pumping more than hunting down the biggest threat to the realm and deciding we'll just wing it.

No zek had the right to stay one second in his workroom without the supervision of a free employee because prudence dictated that the prisoner would be bound to use that unsupervised second to break into the steel safe with a lead pencil, photograph its secret documents with a trouser button, explode an atom bomb, and fly to the moon.

Nusidriekė eilė prie neišvengiamos fotosienelės, fotografai skubėjo, pozuojantieji nerimavo, ar gerai atrodys nuotraukose ir ar budintis portalo redaktorius prisimins jų pavardę, o gal tiesiog parašys "šventinio renginio akimirkos".

Now, Mr. Antonio. I understand that there are people who are close to you who want me dead.” “No, mija. They don’t want you dead.” “Then explain this.” I handed him the picture. He chuckled again. “No, they don’t want you dead. That would be too easy. They want revenge.” Cold sweat broke out all over me, but I kept my face calm. I looked at him straight in the eye. “Well, then they are going to be quite disappointed, aren’t they?” I flashed my teeth at him. “Senorita, you might want to warn Senor Smith, you see, my nephew he doesn’t like to share, and if he sees another man after you, he’ll get very, eh, aggressive.” The silver fox looked at me and winked. “Oh, he won’t have to worry.” I said as I was walking out the door. “I doubt he will be alive long enough to know Agent Smith.” Then I slammed the door.

Och, they suit you, Queenie! Promise me you'll wear them.

Now, to be sure, Mrs Varden thought, here is a perfect character. Here is a meek, righteous, thoroughgoing Christian, who, having mastered all these qualities, so difficult of attainment; who, having dropped a pinch of salt on the tails of all the cardinal virtues, and caught them everyone; makes light of their possession, and pants for more morality. For the good woman never doubted (as many good men and women never do), that this slighting kind of profession, this setting so little store by great matters, this seeming to say, ‘I am not proud, I am what you hear, but I consider myself no better than other people; let us change the subject, pray’—was perfectly genuine and true. He so contrived it, and said it in that way that it appeared to have been forced from him, and its effect was marvellous. Aware of the impression he had made—few men were quicker than he at such discoveries—Mr Chester followed up the blow by propounding certain virtuous maxims, somewhat vague and general in their nature, doubtless, and occasionally partaking of the character of truisms, worn a little out at elbow, but delivered in so charming a voice and with such uncommon serenity and peace of mind, that they answered as well as the best. Nor is this to be wondered at; for as hollow vessels produce a far more musical sound in falling than those which are substantial, so it will oftentimes be found that sentiments which have nothing in them make the loudest ringing in the world, and are the most relished.

Of course. I died today, and now I'm going to fight aliens with a light saber. Maybe after that we can look for mermaids. Or unicorns." "No," he says. "Just aliens." Was that the barest hint of humour in his tone?

Oh I'd be more than happy to hold, I'll just spend the time working on that brain tumor.

Oh, to be the author of prison letters. It's a young girl's dream come true.

Once a small planet is discovered, astronomers try to determine which category it belongs to. This is like biologists trying to classify a new animal as either being a mammal or reptile.

One comforting thing about the Trump White House is that you aren't forced to choose between malice and incompetence.

Oh! I know what I wanted to tell you – you’ll never guess who Thomas is chasing after now…” Hmmm, never guess or can’t be bothered to guess – it was a hard call. I yawned again, glancing at the bed, which was inviting me to clamber back inside and pull the sheet over my head. So tempting, but not practical.

Oh, for the love of God. There is no agent more agent than you. I swear you have pin-striped ties encrypted into your DNA. When you die, the coffin is going to read Property of the FBI.

Oh. I get it now. God had Nader beat my ass and my mom leave my dad just so Jodi could learn how to chop onions and use a propane grill. Great. Awesome.

Oh, that's great. That way, when things have quieted down, and we come up for air, or money, or re-supply, we'll get a nice explosive package from him that says "so nice to see you again" in a way that only multi-megaton yields can.

Oh no. Oh God. I couldn't possibly be so stupid." "Don't limit yourself. You can be anything you wish.

On the line beside Describe your family, I wrote, "Bad." What is your favorite subject in school? "None." List three of your favorite activities. "Soccer, ballet, and fighting." Two of those favorite activities were lies but one of them was the truth. I am fond of fighting.

Past misdeeds must only serve as a reference point in calm conversation about lessons learned or actions that taught us to behave better. They should never be bantered about with sarcasm, anger, or nastiness.