Best 708 quotes in «sarcasm quotes» category

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    South Sea natives who have been exposed to American movies classify them into two types, 'kiss-kiss' and 'bang-bang.

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    Stay with me; I want to be alone

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    Thank you, Morrigan. This is very helpful," I said, already feeling myself warming up. "And delivered to me entirely without pain." The Morrigan sucker-punched me hard in the face, sending me sprawling in the snow and breaking my nose. "You spoke too soon and with entirely too much sarcasm," she said. "We could have parted with a kiss. Remember that.

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    That's because we keep weapons int the attic, silly boy. Do you think this is the first time monsters have attacked our family?" "Weapons," Frank grumbled. "Right. I've never handled weapons before." Grandmother's nostrils flared. "Was that sarcasm, Fai Zhang?" "Yes, Grandmother." "Good. There may be hope for you yet.

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    The atmosphere of Venus consists of ammonia, sulfur, and nitric oxide. Man must have lived there once.

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    The basis of action is lack of imagination. It is the last resource of those who know not how to dream.

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    That's enough of that," Jesse said. Next thing I knew, he'd scooped me up. Only instead of carrying me to my bed and setting me down on it all romantically, you know, like guys do to girls in the movies, he just dumped me onto it, so I bounced around and would have fallen off if I hadn't grabbed the edge of the mattress. "Thanks," I said, not quite able to keep all of the sarcasm out of my voice.

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    The 100% American is 99% idiot.

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    The best way to sell yourself to others is first to sell the others to yourself. Check yourself against this list of obstacles to a pleasing personality: interrupting others; sarcasm; vanity; being a poor listener; insincere flattery; finding fault; challenging others without good cause; giving unsolicited advice; complaining; attitude of superiority; envy of others' success; poor posture and dress.

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    The difference between a violin and a viola is that a viola burns longer.

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    The clear problem of the outlawing of insult is that too many things can be interpreted as such. Criticism, ridicule, sarcasm, merely stating an alternative point of view to the orthodoxy, can be interpreted as insult.

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    The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.

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    The lead singer of Creed says he won’t endorse President Obama. Well that settles it -- Obama will not win the 1998 presidential election.

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    The monkey is an organized sarcasm upon the human race.

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    The best philosophical attitude to adopt towards the world is a union of the sarcasm of gaiety with the indulgence of contempt.

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    The more repression there is, the more need there is for irreverence toward those who are responsible for that repression. But too often sarcasm passes for irony, name-calling passes for insight, bleeped-out four-letter words pass for wit, and lowest-common-denominator jokes pass for analysis. Satire should have a point of view. It doesn't have to get a belly laugh. It does have to present criticism.

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    The old system of having a baby was much better than the new system, the old system being characterized by the fact that the man didn't have to watch.

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    The National Rifle Association says, 'Guns don't kill people. People do'. But I think the gun helps.

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    The one function that TV news performs very well is that when there is no news we give it to you with the same emphasis as if it were.

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    There are several differences between a footballl game and a revolution. For one thing, a football game usually lasts longer and the participants wear uniforms. Also there are more injuries at a football game.

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    There are too many confusing things present. Things I know. Thoughts I have. Sarcasm. Things I think I ought to be doing and places I ought to be going. Always other places.

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    The trouble with a kitten is that eventually it becomes a cat.

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    "There are one or two elementary rules to be observed in the way of handling patients," he remarked, seating himself on the table and swinging his legs. "The most obvious is that you must never let them see that you want them. It should be pure condescension on your part seeing them at all; and the more difficulties you throw in the way of it, the more they think of it. Break your patients in early, and keep them well to heel.

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    The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced.

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    There are more bad musicians than there is bad music.

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    There is no such thing as an underestimate of average intelligence.

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    The right of education of the female sex, as it is in a manner everywhere neglected, so it ought to be generally lamented. Most in this depraved later age think a woman learned and wise enough if she can distinguish her husband's bed from another's.

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    The secret of a successful restaurant is sharp knives.

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    The time for action is past! Now is the time for senseless bickering!

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    The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.

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    The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast.

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    The truth is simple, you do not die from love. You only wish you did.

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    The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning “ability to,” and bics, meaning “withstand tremendous boredom.

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    They didn’t have novels back then. (Tory) History says they didn’t have books, yet what’s this thing in my hand? It’s square, bound paper that’s been written on. Looks like a book to me. (Acheron) Thank you, Captain Sarcasm. How nice of you to join us again. (Tory)

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    They take the paper and they read the headlines. So they've heard of unemployment and they've heard of bread-lines. And they philanthropically cure them all by getting up a costume charity ball.

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    Today's public figures can no longer write their own speeches or books, and there is some evidence that they can't read them either.

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    We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.

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    We English are good at forgiving our enemies; it releases us from the obligation of liking our friends.

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    We had got as far as this, when who should walk in but the gentleman himself, who had been drinking his beer in the taproom and had heard the whole conversation. Who was I? What did I want? What did I mean by asking questions? He had a fine flow of language, and his adjectives were very vigorous.

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    We have the best government that money can buy.

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    Well, I'm a bacteriologist, you know. I live in a nine-hundred-diameter microscope. I can hardly claim to take serious notice of anything that I can see with my naked eye.

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    Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?

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    What is the use of straining after an amiable view of things, when a cynical view is most likely to be the true one?.

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    This music won't do. There's not enough sarcasm in it.

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    We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing

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    What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.

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    What I claim is to live to the full the contradiction of my time, which may well make sarcasm the condition of truth.

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    We are suffering from too much sarcasm.

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    When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. I'm beginning to believe it.

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    When my wife and I met, I couldn't talk to her - and my defense mechanism is sarcasm. I belittle someone with verbal pokes and prods. I did it to her out of complete awe. When friends introduced us, I said 'Hi' - and turned my back. Later, I called my mom and best friend and said, 'I think I just met my wife.'