Best 339 quotes in «sarcastic quotes» category

When friends become overfriendly - smell fish!

Writers don't get mad they get even in their novels.

Why do I feel a song coming on?" said Bean. The sarcastic words slipped out of him unbidden.

Why did you ask me to live with you? Werewolves hate vampires.” “I don’t,” said Kyle.” I’m not too fond of their kind, though.” He jabbed a finger at Jace. “They think they’re better than everyone else.” “No,” said Jace. “I think I’m better than everyone else. An opinion that has been backed up with ample evidence.” Kyle looked at Simon. “Does he always talk like this?” “Yes.

You can make fun of yourself and people will laugh at you. If you’re smart, you’ll end up as a comedian. If you’re not, you’ll end up as a clown.

While I still did not know what self- actualization that sat on the top level of the pyramid meant, I could believe that if I knew I would be able to say something positive about it as well in my life.

You are free.You were born free and you can do whatever you want but between the limits

You make the rarest canvas, love

You're a big help, Mr. I Read So Many Books.

You're just a huge romantic at heart, aren't you?" "If there's cash involved, I'm anything you want me to be.

Your middle name might be discreet, but mine is resourceful, Darling.

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

A dame that knows the ropes isn't likely to get tied up.

A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.

You don’t drink coffee? Are you human?

A gentleman is one who never hurts anyone's feelings unintentionally.

A good motto to live by: "Always try not to get killed.

A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.

Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today?

Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.

Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly.

A woman in love can't be reasonable - or she probably wouldn't be in love.

A sophisticated rhetorician, inebriated with the exuberance of his own verbosity.

Behind every great man there is a surprised woman.

A satisfied customer. We should have him stuffed.

Being the offspring of English teachers is a mixed blessing. When the film star says to you, on the air, 'It was a perfect script for she and I,' inside your head you hear, in the sarcastic voice of your late father, 'Perfect for she, eh? And perfect for I, also?'

Being Politically Correct means always having to say you're sorry.

Being attacked by him is like being savaged by a dead sheep.

CARNIVOROUS, adj. Addicted to the cruelty of devouring the timorous vegetarian, his heirs and assigns.

Chick flick is not a term used to praise a movie. Nobody says 'it's a great chick flick.' It's a way of being derisive. I'm not clear why it's ok to do it.

Better never than late.

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

Deliberate with caution, but act with decision and yield with graciousness, or oppose with firmness.

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock.

Cultivate your curves - they may be dangerous but they won't be avoided.

Don't give a woman advice; one should never give a woman anything she can't wear in the evening.

Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and I think it's you.

Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers.

Events in the past may be roughly divided into those which probably never happened and those which do not matter.

Don't marry a man to reform him - that's what reform schools are for.

Don't let you mind wander - it's far too small to be let out on its own.

Everyone has his day and some days last longer than others.

Except during the nine months before he draws his first breath, no man manages his affairs as well as a tree does.

Familiarity breeds contempt - and children.

For hearts that are kindly, with virtue and peace, and not seeking blindly a hoard to increase; for those who are grieving o'er life's sordid plan; for souls still believing in heaven and man; for homes that are lowly with love at the board; for things th

Everyone knows what a hypocrite is. That's the guy who gripes about the sex, violence and nudity on his VCR.

For your information, I would like to ask a question.

German in the most extravagantly ugly language - it sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747.

Good women are no fun... The only good woman I can recall in history was Betsy Ross. And all she ever made was a flag.