Best 339 quotes in «sarcastic quotes» category

Do you know what happens when you play a country song backwards? You get your wife back, your dog back and your job back.

Dragons lick my boots, I don't want to bloody be he—

Educational system in America is not as good as in China. You may be an idiot. It is hard to tell with you white people.

Flyaways should be called siblings because they are annoying and they get in the way.

Girls, on the other hand, have always come easy. I don't know why that is, exactly. Maybe it's the outsider vibe and a well-placed brooding look. Maybe it's something I think I see sometimes in the mirror, something that reminds me of my father. Or maybe I'm just damn easy on the eyes.

Gankis lifted an arm to point at the distant shale cliffs. "And in the face of it there were thousands of little holes, little what-you-call-'ems..." "Alcoves," Kennit supplied in an almost dreamy voice. "I call them alcoves, Gankis. As would you, if you could speak your own mother tongue.

He’s a doctor,” Timur says. “Ah? It must be shocking for you, then. This hospital.

Fejezzük be ezt a beszélgetést. Túlságosan sok benne a felkiáltójel.

Goody. That must be why they were looking for a 22-caliber anything when they came by with their search warrant this morning.' 'They didn't!' 'They did.' 'When?' 'Oddly enough, right before I upped my meds.

Guys like him? They were the worst kind. All looks and no heart. Guys not like him? They were all deceiving, freaking asshats.

...ia melamun dengan tatapan sekosong orang yang merasa tak perlu lagi membayangkan masa depan sebab masa depan akan sama dengan apa yang ia lakukan kemarin dan saat ini.

I could use all the confidence I could get. If possible, I would steal some from the egotistical Chase. He had more than enough to spare.

I don't like him. He makes me laugh. It'll wrinkle my face.

I already know how I'm going to die"..."How?" I asked. "Spider bite. Or being sarcastic at the wrong time.

I don’t need a hero. I was blessed with a large amount of common sense, which is of infinitely more use than a man.

I’d venture to guess that a list of things you know nothing about could fill volumes.

I couldn’t see her, obviously, but I knew exactly what she was doing. She’d sunk into the nearest chair, eyes squeezed closed with her thumb and pointer pinched tightly across the bridge of her nose. The Sixes at the cabin had dubbed it her What did Dez do now? expression. Before everything in my world turned upside down, I would have been proud to have an expression named after me. Hell, if Dad had done it, I would have considered life a victory

I discovered that politics is not entirely about agendas and manifestos of some old, sullen creep promising a better future of the country as a whole. Politics is being played everywhere and it starts from the very bedroom that you consider your safe haven.

If this constant bitter disappointment was love, then I was perfectly fine not to have anything to do with it.

If you don't understand it, it's art.

I have a new found respect for Atlas.

If you wish to be part of my life, the door is always open.The door remains open if you choose to leave..but don't just hover in the doorway with indecision because you're blocking the traffic!

I'm still furious with you," she murmured, kissing a line down his chest. "Oh, God, please don't be furious," he choked out quickly. "Every female I know is furious with me. Rosalyn throws tantrums, and Charlotte hasn't spoken to me or written since you left." He moved his hands to unbutton her gown. "The morning I thought you'd sailed out of my life I started drinking and didn't stop until I'd finished two bottles. For three days I had a blistering headache, and Nedda couldn't for the life of her stop banging things." He groaned. "And I can't even begin to tell you about your sisters.

I needed to make choices for me, whoever I was. I’d say I needed to find myself, if that didn’t sound like I was heading into the Himalayas, taking only a backpack stuffed with angst and clean underwear

In every day and in every way, we're all that much closer to death.

In the battle of DNAs, your DNA will always win against the DNA of your father.

If one wishes to elicit a reaction from the elusive species known as 'reservus quietgirlius,' one must poke.

I sort of fell." "Percy! Six hundred and thirty feet?

I'll never understand ninety-nine percent of humanity. - Enoch

I stared at the phone, thankful it stopped bouncing right before tumbling over the edge. If I told Mom I needed another phone, she’d have a llama

It pains me to admit this, but Roger was a good sight less stupid than most children.

It's not hard to fail...it's hard to accept you failed...but once that's out of the way, it's pretty smooth sailing

It’s so obvious that you’re gonna ask a good looking dude to be with you for the rest of your holiday while you only know his name for like 2 hours, 32 minutes, 12 seconds.” “Trisha! Being mean is my job! June, you’re so predictable, like, it’s not a shock for us if you’re gonna ask a good looking dude to be with you for the rest of your holiday while you only know his name for like 2 hours, 33 minutes, 2 seconds.

I really do mean to offend you, you know.

Madame will forgive me for not perceiving her busyness. It is a sign of the highest breeding to be able to be busy whilst appearing idle to the uninformed observer.

Little-known fact about cheerleaders: They keep schedules that would make grown marines cry.

It was a master surgeon, him that ampytated me - out of college and all - Latin by the bucket, and what not; but he was hanged like a dog, and sun-dried like the rest, at Corso Castle.

My maid never sweeps under the bed so I asked her to do so today. Found a pen, three pairs of shoes and the man I had lost two years ago.

Never trust your colleagues. Work politics are founded by them.

No, but as a vampire, I'm able to detect subtle shifts in emotional energy.

One time, I went to a restaurant and I asked the waiter for some food for thought. He left, came back, and tried shoving a sirloin in my ear.

Murderous thieves make their home here." She failed to keep the tremor from her voice. "Absolutely," Jonas replied. "Dangerous animals too." "Without a doubt." She slanted a look toward him. "Perfect place for you." He repressed a snort. "Oh, such compliments, your highness. You're going to make me blush.

Perfect! Now we're being chased by hoards of monkeys! Perhaps you would care to name their species as we're attacked, just so I can appreciate the special traits of said monkey as it kills me!" "At least when the monkeys are harassing you, you dont have any time to harass me!

PRINT the ticket, take the ride!

Nietzsche said ‘What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger,’” Jim said to me as we slogged along another trash-strewn roadside." “Yeah, right,” I said. “How about radiation?

Politics to me was the whining of an old braggart too proud to admit his faults and too vain to try something new. All of their agendas and manifestos were nothing but a lucrative offer to deceive the fools and encourage the clever in deceiving more fools.

So, you're telling me the zoo commissioned you to make a zombie panda in order to avoid a potential international incident.

So what's it to be, Bear?" Dev lifted his leg and gave a sarcastic slap to his thigh. "By golly, I'll take door number two, Bob. You know the one that calls for straight suicide with a side of mutilation and pain? Sign my hairy ass up for that and don't be late.

The jusitce is blind. Turn the surveillance cameras off!

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