Best 339 quotes in «sarcastic quotes» category

Puberty is the sickest joke God plays on us. So you're just noticing members of the sex: "Girls girls, ooo". Naturally you want to look your best, and God says "No! You will look the worst you've ever looked in your life!

Romance has been elegantly defined as the offspring of fiction and love.

Sarcastic Science, she would like to know, In her complacent ministry of fear, How we propose to get away from here When she has made things so we have to go Or be wiped out. Will she be asked to show Us how by rocket we may hope to steer To some star off there, say, a half light-year Through temperature of absolute zero? Why wait for Science to supply the how When any amateur can tell it now? The way to go away should be the same As fifty million years ago we came- If anyone remembers how that was I have a theory, but it hardly does.

Scotland: That garret of the earth - that knuckle-end of England - that land of Calvin, oatcakes, and sulfur.

Science can never solve one problem without raising ten more problems.

She is a peacock in everything but beauty!

She is a water bug on the surface of life.

She resembles the Venus de Milo: she is very old, has no teeth, and has white spots on her yellow skin.

She looked as though butter wouldn't melt in her mouth - or anywhere else.

She's the kind of girl who climbed the ladder of success wrong by wrong.

She was like a sinking ship firing on the rescuers.

Put every great teacher in a room, and they'd agree about everything, but put their disciples in there and they'd argue about everything.

Sex is the last refuge of the miserable.

‎Should we do this now?" Pam gave an almost inaudible snort. She was smiling in the glow of the streetlight, suddenly exhilarated. "You waiting for an engraved invite?" Lord save me from sarcastic vampires.

Since I started making films, I've been a nut for dialogue. When I first saw Star Wars when I was 12 years old, I came home and recited all of the lines from it. Before I talked about Death Stars exploding and Tie Fighters I was talking about how funny Princess Leia was and how sarcastic Han Solo was. So to me that's always the most important thing, and I love hearing great actors say great lines.

Sisters don't need words. They have perfected a language of snarls and smiles and frowns and winks - expressions of shocked surprise and incredulity and disbelief. Sniffs and snorts and gasps and sighs - that can undermine any tale you're telling.

She was developing what Mom called a bit of a sarcastic streak.

She was what we used to call a suicide blonde - dyed by her own hand.

She was so ugly she could make a mule back away from an oat bin.

Somehow I found him. Somehow I found Al's sarcastic thoughts, bitter and old. Tired, angry, bored. Alone.

Some folks are wise and some are otherwise.

Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.

Size does matter. There's a lot of ways to make people feel good, but personally I think it does enhance things.

Some of the secret joys of living are not found by rushing from point A to point B, but by inventing some imaginary letters along the way.

Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit.

Sorry I’m so sarcastic. I feel really bad about it.

Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself.

So yes, this is a show about an adolescent girl, her friends, and various vampires. Vampires writing in diaries, vampires attending high school, vampires investigating various mysterious supernatural events, vampires tormenting each other, vampires eavesdropping on each other, and vampires being sarcastic about other vampires' hairstyles. Vampires embracing every possible opportunity to take off their shirts.

Ten men waiting for me at the door? Send one of them home, I'm tired.

That is what I like about you, Mr. Dashwood," she said. "You are so decisive. It saves me the bother of thinking for myself." "That is what I like about you, Mrs. Dashwood," he said. "You are so sarcastic. It saves me the trouble of trying to be tactful and charming.

Strange as it may seem, my life is based on a true story

The best way to hold a man is in your arms.

The English have a miraculous power of turning wine into water.

The best things in life are free - and $19.95.

The Australian sense of humor is very dry, sarcastic, and very undercover. Like if I tell any jokes in America, people just think I'm serious! So I just quit telling any jokes whatsoever.

The empty vessel makes the loudest sound.

The English contribution to world cuisine: the chip.

The English think soap is civilization.

The lack of money is the root of all evil.

The little dictator who went to Moscow in his green fatigues to receive a bear hug did not forsake the doctrine of Lenin when he returned to the West and appeared in a two-piece suit. (On Daniel Ortega Saavedra)

The higher a monkey climbs, the more you see of its behind.

There are only two ways of telling the complete truth - anonymously and posthumously.

Their demeanor is invariably morose, sullen, clownish and repulsive. I should think there is not, on the face of the earth, a people so entirely destitute of humor, vivacity, or the capacity for enjoyment.

The triumph of sugar over diabetes.

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

This is one of those big, fat paperbacks, intended to while away a monsoon or two, which, if thrown with a good overarm action, will bring a water buffalo to its knees.

[The papists] ought to have sympathy with us weak, poor Christians, and not condemn us or make fun of us because we are learning so childishly to toddle along the benches, nay, to creep in the mire, and cannot skip and dance, on such light feet and legs, over and outside of God's commandments, as they do, the strong heroes and giants ... God forbid that we should!