Best 114 quotes of Josh Stern on MyQuotes

An alibi is one alliterative consonant short of being a magic carpet

Anyone can spin a victory, it's a total loss that demands creativity

As for Chicks with Daddy Issues: Do I really want to be with a Woman who wants to be my Father?

At this point in my life, beaming confidence is largely a matter of mind over bladder control

A watched pot never boils.... but it does develop paranoia

Behind every successful man, is a Woman breathing through her mouth

Blood is thicker than water, but they still use corn starch as a thickener on cooking shows

Blood is thicker than water, and so is diarrhea

Come Hell or High Water" usually depends on the kind of plug you use in the bath tub

Date rape is just plain moronic when you consider how slutty figs are

Dating should really be more like furniture store commercials....I would love to' pay no interest for 6 months

Death is life's way of telling you, you've been recalled

Does speed dating necessarily end up in a quickie divorce....?

Don't be so hard on yourself....that's what a loofah's for

Don't ever mistake silence for ignorance, when it is obviously stupidity

Don't you wish we all lived in black light.... for one thing, it would mean an end to toothpaste as we know it

Dr. Suess said: 'Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened..' I tell my dates: 'Don't cry because it happened, smile because it's over

Ever feel like dialing 911 is just simply not enough, and you really need to speak to someone on the Supreme Court...?

Ever play 'mirror mirror on the wall' with two mirrors facing each other?

Everyone comes with baggage, make sure you get one that comes with a rack

Every rule has an exception, and it's usually remedial

Everything is a drive-thru. You just have to aim really fast

Falling in love means your reserve chute didn't work as you hurtled back to earth

Flying is simple. Hitting the ground is hard

Friends might lose touch but never lose feelings

Having a life expectancy is just part of being self-entitled

‎'Having' Your Cake....a little perverted.... 'Eating' it too.....a lot perverted!

I always splash on the cologne before a blind date because dogs can smell fear

I'd die for your sins, but I'd probably enjoy them first

I'd rather be a nodding acquaintance, than a bobble head

If America runs on Dunkin', do I detect a slight limp?

If a picture paints a thousand words, then a naked picture paints a thousand words without any vowels....

If bliss are a type of potato, then ignorance can be french-fried

If it's the thought that counts, then ignorance must use a calculator

If life is a bowl of cherries, what's inside of it?

If Life flashes before your eyes just before you die....mine will be wearing a trench coat

If positivity is not your mindset, then reset

If the love is not madness, then the sex is not insane

If the second date seems to be going well, it's pretty much a given that by dessert I'll renounce my faith

If you deny the existence of a higher being, you've never been to rehab

If you don't fall down now and again, it just means the training wheels are working

If you know how to open doors with just a smile, you must need your teeth capped every six months

If you love somebody set them free- it also works equally well if you hate somebody

If you're going to walk down the aisle together, best to go single file

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the rhetorical question

If you're stuck in the past, you go forward in reverse

If you see the light at the end of the tunnel, you’re looking through binoculars the wrong way

If you take things the wrong way, be aware of which end is up

I hate carrying a torch, which is weird because otherwise I'm such a pyromaniac

I hate cutting my wrists while shaving