Best 888 quotes in «witty quotes» category

After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.

After two years in Washington, I often long for the realism and sincerity of Hollywood.

A good church is a Bible-centered church. Nothing is as important as this--not a large congregation, a witty pastor, or tangible experiences of the Holy Spirit.

A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.

A Hospital is no place to be sick.

A large nose is the mark of a witty, courteous, affable, generous and liberal man.

Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.

A large nose is in fact the sign of an affable man, good, courteous, witty, liberal, courageous, such as I am.

A girl can wait for the right man to come along but in the meantime that still doesn't mean she can't have a wonderful time with all the wrong ones.

A good ad should be like a good sermon: It must not only comfort the afflicted, it also must afflict the comfortable.

All for one; one for all.

Allow me to put the record straight. I am forty-six and have been for some years past.

All my friends are funny, witty, fun-loving people. As are my parents, and the people I work with. I get at least a couple of good laughs in every day.

A lot has been said about politics; some of it complimentary, but most of it accurate

Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.

America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked.

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.

All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.

An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less.

Among men, sex sometimes results in intimacy; among women, intimacy sometimes results in sex.

Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly.

A poet can survive everything but a misprint.

A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists.

A promiscuous person is a person who is getting more sex than you are.

A recession is when your neighbor loses his job. A depression is when you lose yours.

Art is 'I'; science is 'we'.

As an actor, you can really play the intensity and gravity and seriousness of the moment, and just rely on the circumstances being funny. The joke is kind of the situation you're in, or the way you're reacting to something, as opposed to the characters just saying something witty.

A man who has never made a woman angry is a failure in life.

As I get older, I just prefer to knit.

A politician thinks of the next election. A statesman, of the next generation.

A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.

As marriage produces children, so children produce care and disputes; and wrangling.

As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.

Atheism Explained is a gem. It is clear, informative, well-argued, provocative, often witty, and unfailingly interesting. David Ramsay Steele ranges over so many issues that I should be surprised if he were right about everything, but it makes for a most stimulating read. The book is in a different league from Richard Dawkins's The God Delusion, and deserves much greater success.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.

A vegetarian is a person who won't eat anything that can have children.

Avoid fruits and nuts. You are what you eat.

At once, it’s clear I cannot gush. We try me playing cocky, but I just don’t have the arrogance. Apparently, I’m too “vulnerable” for ferocity. I’m not witty. Funny. Sexy. Or mysterious By the end of the session, I am no one at all.

A witty illustration or an apt story will accomplish more than columns of argument.

A witty and informative professor posits that more authors do not choose titles borrowed from Shakespeare's sonnets and plays for the reason some people claim not to have partners: "All the good ones are taken.

A witty quote proves nothing.

A witty vicar once said that a good marriage is like a pair of scissors with the couple inseparable joined, often moving in opposite directions, yet always destroying anyone who comes between them. The trick is for the blades to learn to work smoothly together, so as not to cut each other.

A woman can be sexy, charming, witty or shy with her shoes.

A woman may have a witty tongue or a stinging pen but she will never laugh at her own individual shortcomings.

A young man fills out an application for a job and does well until he gets to the last question, "Who Should we notify in case of an accident?" He mulls it over and then writes, "Anybody in sight!

A zen couch potato is a person who contemplates the nature of televised existence.

A zebra does not change its spots.

A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.