Best 289 quotes of Josh Billings on MyQuotes

About the most originality that any writer can hope to achieve honestly is to steal with good judgment.

Adam invented love at first sight, one of the greatest labor-saving machines the world ever saw.

Admiration is a youthful fancy will which scarcely ever survives to mature years.

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself.

Adversity has the same effect on a man that severe training has on the pugilist: it reduces him to his fighting weight.

Advice can be like cod liver oil, easy enough to administer but not so pleasant to take for anybody.

Advice is like castor oil — easy enough to give but dreadful hard to take.

Advice is like kissing: it costs nothing and is a pleasant thing to do.

Advice maybe wrong, but examples prove themselves.

A good place to visit, but a poor place to stay.

A good reliable set of bowels is worth more to a man than any quantity of brains.

A good way I know to find happiness, is to not bore a hole to fit the plug.

A learned fool is one who has read everything and simply remembered it.

A man cannot learn to be wise any more than he can learn to be handsome.

A man running for office puts me in mind of a dog that's lost-he smells everybody he meets, and wags himself all over.

Ambition is like hunger; it obeys no law but its appetite

And now the lads and lasses, following the example of the birds, bill and coo together.

Anxiety will bear a lot of nuisance.

A puppy plays with every pup he meets, but an old dog has few associates.

As a general thing, an individual who is neat in his person is neat in his morals.

As a general rule, if you want to get at the truth - hear both sides and believe neither.

As a general thing, when a woman wears the pants in a family, she has a good right to them.

A secret ceases to be a secret if it is once confided - it is like a dollar bill, once broken, it is never a dollar again.

As in a game ov cards, so in the game ov life, we must play what is dealt tew us, and the glory consists, not so mutch in winning, as in playing a poor hand well.

A slander is like a hornet; if you cannot kill it dead at the first blow, better not to strike at it.

As long as we are lucky we attribute it to our smartness; our bad luck we give the gods credit for.

As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand.

As the flint contains the spark, unknown to itself, which the steel alone can awaken to life, so adversity often reveals to us hidden gems, which prosperity or negligence would forever have hidden.

A WISE MAN never enjoys himself so much, or a FOOL so little, as when he is alone.

Better make a weak man your enemy than your friend.

Beauty is a very handy thing to have, especially for a woman who ain't handsome.

Be kind to your mother-in-law, but pay for her board at some good hotel.

Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there.

Biography is the best form of history.

Building air castles is a harmless business as long as you don't attempt to live in them.

...But why discourse Upon the Virtues of the Horse? They are too numerous to tell Save when you have a Horse to Sell.

Caution, though very often wasted is a good risk to take.

Clothes form the intellect of the dandy.

Common sense is an instinct given to man and enough of it is genius. Smartness is measured by the level of common sense one has, not by how much educated or knowledgeable he is.

Common sense is the knack of seeing things as they are, and doing things as they ought to be done.

Confess your sins to the Lord and you will be forgiven; confess them to man and you will be laughed at.

Contentment is a kind of moral laziness; if there wasn't anything but contentment in his world, man wouldn't be any more of a success than an angleworm is

Dangers are sum like a kold bath, very dangerous while you stand stripped on the bank, but often not only harmless, but invigorating, if you pitch into them.

Debt is like any other trap, easy enough to get into, but hard enough to get out of.

Debt is a trap which man sets and baits himself, and then deliberately gets into.

Despatch is taking time by the ears; hurry is taking it by the end of the tail.

Doesn't know much, but leads the league in nostril hair.

Don't ever prophesy; for if you prophesy wrong, nobody will forget it; and if you prophesy right, nobody will remember it.

Don't mistake pleasure for happiness. They are a different breed of dogs.

Don't put off till tomorrow what can be enjoyed today.