Best 56 quotes of Wilson Mizner on MyQuotes

A drama critic is a person who surprises the playwright by informing him what he meant.

A fellow who is always declaring that he's no fool, usually has his suspicions.

A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while, he knows something.

A good party is where you enjoy good people, and they taste even better with Champagne.

All anger is not sinful, because some degree of it, and on some occasions, is inevitable. But it becomes sinful and contradicts the rule of Scripture when it is conceived upon slight and inadequate provocation, and when it continues long.

Anybody who can write home for money can write for magazines.

A slave has but one master. An ambition man, has as many as there are people who helped him get his fortune.

Be nice to people on your way up because you'll meet them on your way down.

Count 10 over him - he'll get up

Do not be desirous of having things done quickly. Do not look at small advantages. Desire to have things done quickly prevents their being done thoroughly. Looking at small advantages prevents great affairs from being accomplished.

Don't talk about yourself; it will be done when you leave.

Easy street is a blind alley.

Failure has gone to his head.

Faith is a wonderful thing, but doubt gets you an education.

Florida was invented for Addison Mizner's little brother.

Gambling: A sure way to get nothing from something.

Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something.

God help those who do not help themselves.

He's a trellis for varicose veins.

He's the only man I ever knew who had rubber pockets so he could steal soup.

I can usually judge a fellow by what he laughs at.

I'd rather know a square guy than own a square mile.

If you count all your assets you always show a profit.

If you steal from one author it's plagiarism; if you steal from many it's research.

I had never considered marriage, but I had an open mind, and I was to learn after a brief try at it that most open minds should be closed for repairs.

I hate careless flattery, the kind that exhausts you in your efforts to believe it.

I know of no sentence that can induce such immediate and brazen lying as the one that begins, 'Have you read - .'

I never saw a mob rush across town to do a good deed.

In the battle of existence, Talent is the punch; Tact is the clever footwork.

I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education.

It is criminal negligence to leave suckers lying around to tempt honest men.

I've had ample contact with lawyers, and I'm convinced that the only fortune they ever leave is their own.

I've known countless people who were reservoirs of learning, yet never had a thought.

I've spent several years in Hollywood, and I still think the movie heroes are in the audience.

Money is the only substance which can keep a cold world from nicknaming a citizen Hey, you

Most hard-boiled people are half-baked.

Popularity is exhausting. The life of the party almost always winds up in a corner with an overcoat over him.

Some of the greatest love affairs I've known have involved one actor-unassisted.

The amount of sleep required by the average person is five minutes more.

The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away.

The cuckoo who is on to himself is halfway out of the clock.

The days just prior to marriage are like a snappy introduction to a tedious book.

The difference between chirping out of turn and a faux pas depends on what kind of a bar you're in.

The first hundred years are the hardest.

The gent who wakes up and finds himself a success hasn't been asleep.

The most efficient water power in the world - women's tears.

The most pitiful human ailment is a birdseed heart.

The only bird that gives the poor a real tumble is the stork.

The only time that most women give their orating husbands undivided attention is when the old boys mumble in their sleep.

There is something about a closet that makes a skeleton terribly restless.