Best 127 quotes in «bathroom quotes» category

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    My honeymoon night was spent on the floor in the bathroom with my mother.

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    My pet peeve is hearing a knock on the bathroom door followed by the familiar words, 'What are you doing in there?

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    Oh, cold world -- I have grown so weary of you and all your horrible bathrooms.

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    My understanding of Twitter was that it was a bunch of famous people telling you when they're going to the bathroom. And, that was not something I wanted to be part of.

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    Never discuss the poem you contemplate writing. It's like turning on the outside spigot. It takes all the pressure off the upstairs bathroom.

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    People always tell me I'm too modest, and that I'm allowed to tell myself now and then that I'm good at something. Well okay then, the bathroom is very (beautiful) clean right now.

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    Some people out there think everything I do is a publicity stunt, they think when I go to the bathroom it's a publicity stunt.

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    Repeat: Sharing the kids bathroom while my master bath gets renovated is family bonding. So fun.

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    People forget that public people and celebrities, they too have to go to the bathroom and get divorced.

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    Regarding punishment, we've learned from the downfall of Harvey Weinstein and other famous men not only that times have changed, but also that ostracism is an efficient tool. It reminds me of the tradition of bathroom lists of sexual assaulters at Brown beginning in 1990. Back then the administrators called the students who wrote them "magic marker terrorists" and threatened them with expulsion if caught. Now a Shitty Media Men list can dominate the news for days as HR departments across the coasts hastily assess their employees and their liability.

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    Rip Van Winkle, who said, Don't make the bed; I'm just going to the bathroom. Never got a dinner!

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    Rude staff, bad lighting, and dirty bathrooms are all signs of a bad restaurant and a good reason to leave a restaurant!

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    Sometimes, all it takes to save people from a terrible fate is one person willing to do something about it. Even if that "something" is a fake bathroom break.

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    The bathroom scale knows nothing of extenuating circumstances.

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    Telling lies is a bit like tiling bathrooms - if you don't know how to do it properly, it's best not to try.

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    That's something that I learned when I was homeless. Hotels are awesome because they are going to let you in and you can use the bathroom and when you're young and pretty you can probably use the pool. Somebody might by you a drink.

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    These people who build houses with 13 bathrooms and so on, there's something wrong with them.

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    The only bit of logic-based public bathroom humor I know is: the difference between men and women is that between the statement [P and not Q] and the statement [Q and not P].

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    The secret of marriage is: separate bedrooms and separate bathrooms.

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    The chili I ate made for an explosive bathroom experience. I don't know how to put this delicately, but I missed the toilet entirely.

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    The fact that Gene Weingarten and I and Bathroom Inventory are now part of some kind of Matrix of Poop strongly suggests that the Pulitzer is not what it once was.

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    The motion picture made in Hollywood, if it is to create art at all, must do so within such strangling limitations of subject and treatment that it is a blind wonder it ever achieves any distinction beyond the purely mechanical slickness of a glass and chromium bathroom.

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    The paperless society is about as plausible as the paperless bathroom.

    • bathroom quotes
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    There should be a new, more honest euphemism. Like, I'm leaving office because I plan to solicit more anonymous sex in bathrooms.

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    They're a damn nuisance - I've got one in my bathroom and every time I run my bath the steam sets it off.

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    They gave 12 monkeys a typewriter for a week, and after a week, they only used it as a bathroom.

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    Through the small tall bathroom window the December yard is gray and scratchy, the tree calligraphic.

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    Want me to Stevie Wonder my way to the bathroom?

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    Use only things you find around the bathroom to create something. Extra credit: make it in the bathroom!

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    We are a nation of 20 million bathrooms, with a humanist in every tub.

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    We had a one bedroom, one bathroom, one closet apartment with four girls.

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    What is it with you and girls’ bathrooms?

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    When you're in prison, there's no hiding. These women are not hiding behind towels and shower curtains. They go to the bathroom with no doors on the stalls. It would actually look weird, if these women were hiding.

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    Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

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    Your wallet will be stolen, you'll get fat, slip on the bathroom tiles of a foreign hotel and crack your hip.

    • bathroom quotes
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    What exactly did we learn in kindergarten? Nothing we wouldn't have learned if we;d stayed home. Okay, we learned that sometimes, by the time you get to the bathroom, it's too late.

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    What kind of guardian are you? Shouldn't you have gone to the bathroom with him?" Isabelle demanded. Jordan looked horrified. "Dudes," he said, "do not follow other dudes to the bathroom.

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    Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but okay to go the bathroom in a handicapped stall?

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    You can talk about movies all you want, but I have this porcelain fetish. I've had it since I was a kid, because there were so many kids in my family, the only place I had any solace was in the bathroom.

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    No doubt, the toilet must have come alive and regurgitated all over the floor and walls. The putrid water is still trickling from the bowl.

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    You might be a redneck if going to the bathroom involves shoes and a flashlight.

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    I'll meet you outside," I said. No way was I actually doing to shout 'I have to pee' at the top of my lungs.

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    In 1969 America put the man on the moon. In 2016 America put the man in the women's bathroom.

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    No, I've been doing this myself forever. I could have gone in here myself, but my daddy doesn't want me to get raped. That happens all the time in bathrooms.

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    Dude!" cried Time. "What the fuck, man!" "Sorry," said Cooper. "I thought this was a bathroom." He stuck out a pouty lower lip. "What could possibly have led you to believe this was a bathroom?" the lizard creature hissed. "The door is clearly marked OFFICE!" "I can't read your lizard language," said Cooper.

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    ...his lazy eye drifting around the room like a child looking for the bathroom.

    • bathroom quotes
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    I could take a shower every day in my own bathroom. I almost didn’t know what to do with such luxury. Other than, you know, not stink.

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    I'm past competing in pissing contests. My jet stream is now more of a trickle. The only contest I'd win is the number of trips to the bathroom it takes to purge a 32oz soda.

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    No, I don't work here, I'm taking pictures of messy bathrooms for a photo essay on the American West. But I'm always up for clean, so if you want to pitch in, I've got Pine Sol and a sponge in my car... It's that VW microbus parked next to the dumpster, and you don't need a key, just pull hard.

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    Oh, God, it's early," he groaned. "Hell. Well, at least I can grab the bathroom first." Claire jumped to her feet. "What time is it?" "Nine," he said, and yawned again. She reached over him, pushed the hidden button, dashed past him to the door, barely remembering to shed the afghan on the way. "Hey! Dibs on the bathroom! I mean it!" She grabbed her clothes and jumped in the bathroom just as Shane, still yawning, stumbled out of the hidden room. "But I called dibs!" he said, and knocked on the door. "Dibs! Damn girls don't understand the rules....

    • bathroom quotes