Best 5 quotes of Daphne De Marneffe on MyQuotes

an "attachment injury" which comes about when one person in a couple fails to respond t the other at a critical moment of vulnerability of need. Typical moments include labor and childbirth, illness, trauma, loss, and times of transition. If a person feels betrayed, neglected, or uncared for by his partner in such moments, relational trauma occurs. the incident then becomes an organizing event and recurring theme that stands in the way of understanding and repair.

Development in adulthood, and in marriage, requires using the past to animate the present. We lose many things in life. We lose people we love, our younger selves, our children's babyhoods, and the crazy-in-love phase with our partner. We mourn the losses and keep the memories and past selves alive in us-through rituals, reminiscence, and loving action toward othres, investing in the future- is one of the greatest gifts of mature adulthood. From midlife onward, perceiving oneself as generative gives people not only a sense of meaning, but appears to relate to greater health and longer health.

Even when a marriage is basically good people are not always happy. Marriage is a crucible for becoming a more mature, compassionate person. It offers an unflinchingly up-close-and-personal example of how we treat another human being. We see our minds in action, both our worst tendencies and our best. In this light how can we even judge the viability of our marriages without making sure we've gotten enough sleep, exercised, eaten right, and developed some means of reflection, prayer, or meditation? Our emotions and bodies whip us around, and we're so often mystified as to what's causing a given mood. It's so easy to blame the person at hand, which in marriage, unfortunately is often one's spouse.

One man interviewed by Shirley Glass put it this way: "On a good day, when things are going well, I am committed to my wife. On a day when things are just okay, I'm committed to my marriage. And on a day when things aren't so great, I satisfy myself by committed to my commitment" At times the marriage is a structure we "comply with" but do not "feel". Even then- especially then- seeing the marriage as having a value and meaning bigger than our own fallible makeup and daily screwups helps us find a way through disruptions and breakdowns. As a golden ring, the marriage stands as a resource for stability as we work out the pains of alienation, discord, and repair.

We reclaim genuine space for our identities not by rushing headlong into simplistic remedies, but by engaging in the less glamorous spadework of paying attention to our feelings, clarifying what matters to us, asserting our point of view, and negotiating for change.