Best 164 quotes of Bill Murray on MyQuotes

Afghanistan is just one of those countries that no group can conquer. It's so challenging to live, and the people are so close among their own tribes, their own groups, that you can't rule them all, you can't get an accord from all of them.

Alcohol is really just the liquid version of Photoshop.

All of us kids ended up 'doing Mom.' There are four of us who've tried show business. Five if you insist on counting my sister the nun, who does liturgical dance.

And even if we win, if we win, HAH! Even if we win! Even if we play so far above our heads that our noses bleed for a week to ten days; even if God in Heaven above comes down and points his hand at our side of the field; even if every man woman and child held hands together and prayed for us to win, it just wouldn't matter because all the really good looking girls would still go out with the guys from Mohawk because they've got all the money! It just doesn't matter if we win or we lose. IT JUST DOESN'T MATTER! It just doesn't matter! It just doesn't matter!

And I say, 'Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know.' And he says, 'Oh, uh, there won't be any money. But when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness.' So I got that goin' for me, which is nice.

And when I told my sons I might be in City of Ember, they said, 'Oh! You're gonna be the mayor?' And I hadn't even read the script yet.

Awards are meaningless to me, and I have nothing but disdain for anyone who actively campaigns to get one.

Be available for life to happen.

Buddy Hackett [was] talking - this is Hackett, not me - about the Virgin Mary, a limerick sort of thing, and all these children and families ... the look of absolute horror. He's going on and on and on, and finally he stops. It's just total horror, and the camera's still rolling. You can hear it, sort of a grinding noise. And the director says, "Anything else, Bud?

But I can only take so much TV, because there is so much advice. I find people will preach about virtually anything - your diet, how to live your life, how to improve your golf. The lot. I have always had a thing against the Mister Know-It-Alls.

Chicago actors are hard-nosed. They're tough on themselves and their fellow actors. They're self-demanding.

Chicks dig me because I rarely wear underwear, and when I do, it's usually something unusual.

Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.

Disneyland. The world's biggest people trap, built by a mouse.

Drinking again? Go to hell. All I ever do is make some movies that made a lot of money now leave me alone, I want to have some fun.

Eh, it's not that attractive to have a plan. I know that if I ever feel that I need to make a funny movie, I’ll figure out how to write one. I’ll get it done. If I ever get some ambition, I’m gonna get some shit done.

Every moment that you share someone else's pain, feel what they feel, makes you more human.

Every pizza is a personal pizza if you try hard and believe in yourself.

Friendship is so weird. You just pick a human you've met and you're like, 'Yep, I like this one,' and you just do stuff with them.

Golf was my first glimpse of comedy. I was a caddy when I was a kid. I was on the golf course rather than being in lessons, but I can play better now than I could then.

Grab this day by the neck and kiss it.

Half of the people in this room are more dressed up than on any other day in the year, and the other half are more dressed down.

Harold Ramis and I together did the ‘National Lampoon Show’ off Broadway, ‘Meatballs,’ ‘Stripes,’ ‘Caddyshack,’ ‘Ghostbusters’ and ‘Groundhog Day.’ He earned his keep on this planet. God bless him.

Here's the thing, you just have to drive a lot faster, and if you don't get there, we're both fired.

Human sacrifice! Dogs and cats living together! Mass hysteria!

I act like a jerk sometimes.

I always want to say to people who want to be rich and famous: 'try being rich first'. See if that doesn't cover most of it. There's not much downside to being rich, other than paying taxes and having your relatives ask you for money. But when you become famous, you end up with a 24-hour job.

I count on the kindness of strangers.

I didn't get into this position by being like a stiff sitting on the set in a folding chair. I did it by walking around on the streets and stirring things up.

I don't answer fan mail. I don't have time for that. It's like hundreds of thousands of people who think they're going to become millionaires getting autographs from movie actors. I don't have time for those idiots. I've got stuff to do.

I don't believe that you can give the same performance every take. It's physically impossible, so why bother? If you don't do what is happening at that moment, then it's not real. Then you're holding something back.

I don't feel like it's pressure. It's more of an obligation - not to entertain or be funny, but to have a certain levity. I mean, there's got to be a lightness in your leg. You have to be as light as you can be, and you don't have to be weighted down, stuck in your emotions and stuck in your body, stuck in your head. You just want to try and elevate something.

I don't have to take this abuse from you -- I have hundreds of people waiting in line to abuse me!

I don't know how this guy knew how much money I was making. I didn't know how much money I was making.

I don't want to be that guy mumbling into his drink at a bar.

I'd sort of gone through some sort of spiritual change in the late 70s where I sort of saw there was some other life to live. It changed the way that I worked just having a different presence and a different tension.

I feel like I'm a better person when I'm quieter.

If Google doesn't know the answer, then it's not a question

If I run into someone on the street, that's one thing. But answering mail for a living? I like a job where you can play and act kind of goofy and have some fun.

If it starts to drag on set, or if you feel like it's not a fun experience, people get down, the energy gets down. You've got to keep the energy up.

If you have a good script, that's what gets you involved. It's harder to write a good screenplay than to find something.

If you have someone that you think is The One, don't just sort of think in your ordinary mind, 'Okay, let's pick a date. Let's plan this and make a party and get married.' Take that person and travel around the world. Buy a plane ticket for the two of you to travel all around the world, and go to places that are hard to go to and hard to get out of. And if when you come back to JFK, when you land in JFK, and you're still in love with that person, get married at the airport.

I go home and stay there. I wash and scrub up each day, and that's it. One month I actually grew a moustache, just so I could say that I'd done something.

I have a brother who gives socks for Christmas. He gives socks. Every year, I get a pair of socks from him.

I improvise whenever I feel it's important, or whenever I think that something's there. It's nice to have a script that's so well-written that I don't have to improvise. I mean, I used to have to re-write whole movies; this is kind of nice.

I kinda like this Jay-Z thing, where he’s retired, but he keeps doing shows. I think I beat him to that. If you say you’re retired, people don’t bother you so much, and then if you want to do something, you can do it.

I knew that's where I was going. I knew we were going to Italy. You couldn't make this movie in America at this price. I knew it was going to be big. I knew there was going to be a ship involved and that there was going to be a set as big as the ship. I thought, well, here we go. But I knew that was where he was headed. He had been going this way for some time. All directors, once they have some success, they want to spend a whole heck of a lot of money. (Something else can't hear.)

I know how to be sour. I know that taste.

I lost my phone and I just really didn't look for it. It was the nicest feeling, like six weeks. ... A couple of times I needed to use a telephone, and I was always able to touch someone that had a telephone and say, "Hey, can I use your phone? May I please?" And they'd say, "Sure." And that was it! So it was OK, it was a real vacation. I took a real vacation from myself.

I love the financing. It's fun to do studio movies, too. I think you should do both. You don't want to be this, "He's an independent film guy." It sounds like, "He makes his own dresses.