Best 26 quotes of Dark Jar Tin Zoo on MyQuotes

I am in love, and the river is beginning to ice over. I’d better go drown myself before I freeze to death.

I had a dream about you. At first you were a mannequin, and I was a fashion designer. Then, inexplicably, we switched roles and I became the mannequin. But instead of putting clothes on me, you laughed at my nakedness, and you sold me to the owner of a sex shop.

I had a dream about you. In my dream I stole all your money, kidnapped your parents, and mailed you mannequin parts spray-painted red in a series of packages that also included ransom notes. Then, towards the end of the dream, the cops surrounded my cave and swarmed in to arrest me. Sweating, my eyes shot open, and I realized it was a dream. “Of course it’s a dream,” I thought. “The cops have no idea where my cave is, and your first package has yet to be delivered.”

I had a dream about you. You looked like you, but you also looked like a mannequin. And I looked like me, but I also looked like a mannequin. Between the two of us, we were too fake even for Hollywood. And as such, we were forced to reside in Washington DC.

I love being in love, but I also love other things, like not being jealous, overly sensitive, or needy.

I love full on, like 65 mph in a handicapped parking spot.

I love like I’m thirsty. Can I offer you a tall glass of Sahara sand?

I love that she loves me a 10, on a 5-point scale. Well, I know it’s a 5-point scale, though I asked her on a 1-100 scale.

I make love like a snake disguised as an elephant and a donkey. But I mustn’t talk about sexual congress and Congress simultaneously.

I make love like sausage is to bacon as brick is to blanket. Somebody get me some utensils. And some lubrication (not Castrol Motor Oil).

In bed, I can go for hours. Oh yes, I love naps.

I unwrapped my love for her like one might unwrap leftovers. Gotta eat up the old stuff first, as a cannibal might say in a retirement home.

Love is a banana. First you peel it, and then you roll on the condom.

Love is inaudible—until you hear it. And once you do, you’ll never forget the sound of her voice.

Love is like encountering a forest and having to chop down every tree but one. Oh, and you have to chop down each tree by hugging it until it falls.

Love isn't two matching unicycles. Love is a bicycle—and mine just got stolen.

Love is the point where Yes meets Yesterday, and that's why I put the No in Now.

My love is sticky, like glue. I'd kill a horse just to give you some.

Our love was a two-person game. At least until one of us died, and the other became a murderer.

She asked if I loved another woman, so I answered honestly and said, “Dinner was great, but I could go for dessert.

She gave me money to buy condoms, and instead I bought a book of baby names. That’s life. That’s love. That’s fiscally irresponsible.

She told me she loved me. She told me a lot of things. Some of those things were true, and some of those may or may not have been true. It’s kind of hard to tell, because to be honest, I wasn’t listening.

The only time I drink milk is when I drink coffee. I make love the same way—contributing 2% as I just sort of lay there.

We had an unspoken love for one another. Probably because she’d never talk to me or return my phone calls or texts.

We made love like a half a minute. I brought the thirty seconds, and she provided the excuse as to why she didn’t have enough time to have sex with me.

We made love like green is blue. That’s because we were only half into it, though for the record I was the blue and she was the disinterested yellow.