Best 17 quotes of Rich Hall on MyQuotes

A person who combs his hair over his bald spot, hoping no one will notice.

FOOVIEW (foo' view) n. The ability of a dog to inflict guilt from any angle in the room while he watches his master eat.

Foxes are rats in expensive coats. What are foxes associated with? Evil, wily, conniving, duplicitous, Fox News - worst news service on the planet and the evilest.

Having to wander through a maze of ropes at an airport or bank even when you are the only person in line.

In Montana, a policeman will pull you over because he is lonely.

Manhandling the open here spout on a milk carton so badly that one has to resort to using the illegal side.

Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes.

The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.

The combination of popcorn, soda, and melted chocolate which covers the floors of movie theaters.

The first time I came to the Comedy Festival some nutcase shot a bunch of people in Tasmania. I thought, 'Oh, that's just Tasmania.' The second time I came, some nut shot up Columbine High School. Now I'm here again, and another nut just shot up a high school in Minnesota. If you can't see the connection between me playing the Comedy Festival and mass murder, you're no good at conspiracy theories.

The metallic silver coating found on fast-food game cards.

The peculiar habit, when searching for a snack, of constantly returning to the refrigerator in hopes that something new will have materialized.

The predicament of a person in a restaurant who is unable to determine his or her designated restroom (e.g., turtles and tortoises).

The slime that accumulates on the underside of a soap bar when it sits in the dish too long.

When you go to work, if your name is on the building, you're rich. If your name is on your desk, you're middle class. And if your name is on your shirt, you're poor.

Hope?! Hope is a bit desperate, isn't it? Hope is right below wishful thinking and right above performing a rain dance.

Not many musicians can get 10000 people to show up and help pay his back taxes, and when farmers are going broke and transatlantic pipelines need to be stopped and towns are blown up in fertilizer explosions or schools for impaired children need to be built, Willie shows up. Does the show for free. For three hours. Everyone has a good time, and somewhere, Bono squirms just a little bit on that self-righteous cross he's nailed himself to.