Best 43 quotes of Jean Kerr on MyQuotes

A lawyer is never entirely comfortable with a friendly divorce, anymore than a good mortician wants to finish his job and then have the patient sit up on the table.

An actor can remember his briefest notice well into senescence and long after he has forgotten his phone number and where he lives.

Being divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck. If you live through it, you start looking very carefully to the right and to the left.

Children are different - mentally, physically, spiritually, quantitatively, qualitatively; and furthermore, they're all a little bit nuts.

Confronted by an absolutely infuriating review, it is sometimes helpful for the victim to do a little personal research on the critic. Is there any truth to the rumor that he had no formal education beyond the age of eleven? In any event, is he able to construct a simple English sentence? Do his participles dangle? When moved to lyricism, does he write "I had a fun time"? Was he ever arrested for burglary? I don't know that you will prove anything this way, but it is perfectly harmless and quite soothing.

Dearer to me than the evening star A Packard car A Hershey bar Or a bride in her rich adorning Dearer than any of these by far Is to lie in bed in the morning

Don't be silly. I'm a mature, intelligent woman. Of course I'm afraid of my mother.

Even though a number of people have tried, no one has yet found a way to drink for a living.

I don't want to see the uncut version of anything.

I feel about airplanes the way I feel about diets. It seems to me that they are wonderful things for other people to go on.

If you can keep your head when all about are losing theirs, it's just possible that you haven't grasped the situation.

If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, it's just possible you haven't grasped the situation.

If you have formed the habit of checking on every new diet that comes along, you will find that, mercifully, they all blur together, leaving you with only one definite piece of information: french-fried potatoes are out.

I know all about improvisation and the free-form that mirrors the chaos of our time, but I do like to feel that the playwright has done some work before I got there.

I make mistakes; I'll be the second to admit it.

I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being skin deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?

In the beginning, we made the usual mistake of looking at houses we could afford. I am working on a proposition, hereafter to be known as Kerr's law, which states in essence: All the houses you can afford to buy are depressing.

I once truly believed that if I had to stand in line for twenty minutes to have a package gift-wrapped it actually gave the recipient more pleasure.

It has been explained to me that toys are packaged in shards, to be assembled by the middle-aged and butter-fingered, because this makes it easier for the shippers. ... If they had to spend hours and hours putting handlebars onto bicycles ... they would repent their ways and deliver something that looked like a rocking horse and not like the result of a small street accident.

I think if you can write a play, or produce a play, the first step toward success [is] if people don't want to kill themselves in the lobby. Now there must be four or five other steps, but that's the first.

I think success has no rules, but you can learn a great deal from failure.

... it's impossible to register any emotion without using some muscle which, in time, will produce a wrinkle. ... By the time she is thirty, a starlet has been carefully taught to smile like a dead halibut. The eyes widen, the mouth drops open, but the eye muscles are never involved.

Man is the only animal that learns by being hypocritical. He pretends to be polite and then, eventually, he becomes polite.

Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn't always go with everything else in the house.

Movie actors are just ordinary, mixed-up people - with agents.

Now the thing about having a baby - and I can't be the first person to have noticed this - is that thereafter you have it.

Oh, wouldn't it be wonderful if some manufacturer would make a toy as tough, as staunch, as hard to crack open as the carton it comes in!

One of the most difficult things to contend with in a hospital is that assumption on the part of the staff that because you have lost your gall bladder you have also lost your mind.

People only call you 'my dear' when they are irritated with you.

Real men don't do pickup lines just to sweep off every girls' feet. They do and trust their own instincts knowing what the girls' wants and needs. Vying to win their hearts.

Some enterprising youth should go from door to door on Christmas morning peddling batteries.

Some people have such a talent for making the best of a bad situation that they go around creating bad situations so they can make the best of them.

The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at seven-thirty in the morning feeling just plain terrible.

The real menace in dealing with a five-year-old is that in no time at all you begin to sound like a five-year-old.

There is this to be said about having money. You get rejected by a higher class of people.

To me having a party is something like having a baby. The fact that you got through the last one alive is not somehow sufficiently reassuring now.

When the grandmothers of today hear the word 'Chippendales,' they don't necessarily think of chairs.

While in some quarters it is felt that the critic is just a necessary evil, most serious-minded, decent, talented theater people agree that the critic is an unnecessary evil.

Women speak because they wish to speak, whereas a man speaks only when driven to speak by something outside himself like, for instance, he can't find any clean socks.

Years ago when a man began to notice that if he stood up on the subway he was immediately replaced by two people, he figured he was getting too fat.

You can't sleep until noon with the proper elan unless you have some legitimate reason for staying up until three (parties don't count).

You don't seem to realize that a poor person who is unhappy is in a better position than a rich person who is unhappy. Because the poor person has hope. He thinks money would help.

I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?