Best 10 quotes of Tim Heaton on MyQuotes

Even-money that my liver lasts through my wife's metamorphosis to my mother-in-law.

Explaining the myriad delights of a football Saturday in the South to anyone who has not enjoyed them may be impossible – like trying to describe the ocean to a blind man.

I am often asked “Why do Southerners still care about the Civil War?”… “Because defeat was unconditional and the land still occupied.

If there is such a things as "race", there is only the Human one.

I'm not unlucky at love, just incredibly lucky with celibacy.

In the South, history clings to you like a wet blanket. Outside your door the past awaits in Indian mounds, plantation ruins, heaving sidewalks and homestead graveyards; each slowly reclaimed by the kudzu of time.

It’s not difficult telling enemies from friends. • Your enemies say, “You don’t need to work hard.” Your friends say, “Always do your best.” • Your enemies say, “Just quit.” Your friends say, “Never give up.” • Your enemies say, “No one will ever know.” Your friends say, “Always do the right thing.” • Your enemies say, “Let’s get high.” Your friends say, “Rest in Peace.

Magic of Southern expressions? Similes and metaphorical allusions. They are the yellow highlighter of conversation.

The further your job is from the money, the closer you are to the bullshit.

Yoga pants often answer questions I didn't ask.