Best 66 quotes of Neil Leckman on MyQuotes

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, unless it is the burning bush, in that case the value of your bird just went up!!

Are Pixie sticks made out of cremated Pixies?

Asthmatic spewer of filth gasps, but clean air does not suffice To fuel fires fueled by thoughts got rotten Lest we all be forgotten things That sit like dust upon the mantel of her mind

A tale within a Tweet, how sweet!!

Being able to write a tale within a Tweet some would say was mighty sweet

Can Vampires die from a DAY dream? Maybe just wake up hot and bothered!!

Cheech and Chong Vs. HAL "I can't do that Dave." "Dave's not here, man" "That does not compute. Dave" "No man, Dave isn't here!!" ..."I'm sorry Dave but that is incorrect" "No man, Dave's not here!!" "Daisy, daisy,.... I'm self terminating now Dave...." "No man, dave's not.....Is he gone?

Dale, a Plutonian Dreg Bug, the kind with seventeen eyes and a bad temper, got nailed in one of his eyes by a wild dart. Fight broke out when he punched Earl in the nose. Earl’s nose is very sensitive, hell it’s how he sees, sort of. Earl plopped down on the floor crying when a Flying Mugwhap flew over and ate Dale’s eye. Dale grabbed the Mugwhap and squeezed a good deal of the life out of it before the bouncer stopped him. Karen, the bouncer, is a reticulated Hive Mother, and a mean mother when she’s pissed off. She walked over and flicked Dale upside his head. That flick knocked Dale out cold, and cost him two more eyes when he hit the wall. She helped Earl up and bought him a drink. A nasty drink by all the comments I’ve heard. Something between varnish and the stuff people get in the corners of their mouths with a nice aftertaste of silver polish. Earl seemed to like it though.

Did you sleep good?" "Well as can be expected without formal training I suppose

Don't follow your heart if you can't keep a beat

Ever had a Dark Matter headache? Your head feels dark and hollow and goes on forever...

First lesson in life that ruined more than a few old movies. "The reactor is critical, run!!" Stop and have a latte instead

He thought it was cool he could go back in time whenever he sneezed until allergy season started!!

I admit I once threw caution to the wind.... It doesn't fly well!!

I can just imagine the cricket household at sunset: "Oh man, it's late!!" "Hey, you chirp I'm tired" "Besides, the later bug becomes a rug!!" "You just had to bring up Uncle Phil didn't you?

I don't know why they call them Cheerios, I ate an entire box and didn't feel any happier!!

If a book falls in the woods and nobody read it, was it ever written?

If I were "Schrodinger's cat" I could be awake and asleep at the same time. Now wouldn't that be handy?

If life were a nut I'd no doubt have an allergy!!

I had a million things running through my mind the other day. Suddenly I realized I didn't know half of them!!

I had to quit using spell check. I didn't have overdraft protection!!

I have always pictured accupuncture like falling into a box of sewing needles, and then standing up refreshed and free of pain.

I have my moments, I just can't remember where I put them.

I have neighbors who are a bunch of carpooling clowns. It's fun to watch them all cram into that tiny car each morning!!

I hope your legs grow together and your anus droops" is a very insidious greeting and can be said with a smile because both don't normally happen until you're old. So in fact it's a greeting of 'Long Life' and I'm going to keep telling myself that!!

I kept having the same dream over and over. I guess my conscious can't afford any new ones. Broke like me..

I know most of you have dozed off before, but have any of you ever dozed on?

I like to check my pulse before I get out of bed. No point getting up if I'm already dead!!

I made a candle out of earwax so I could listen better in the dark.

I'm going to lay down for a bit" What are these bits and where do they sell them? How do I know if the bit I have is right?

Instead of vitamins that taste like candy make candy that tastes like vitamins. Think of how much less sugar we'll all get

I sprayed my dog with off and he still sits in my favorite chair!!

It lies here deep in the heart, the small chest of pain Sharp words like daggers placed it here To fill with hurt In filling it grew heavy and drug me down For to not feel is not to live Until I rest at last in dirt The worst of you got the best of me…

I've heard the race to Mars is because "The King", Elvis is stuck up there running low on peanut butter!!

Malcontents who would dissent to paying rent are often bent on bad intent!!

May fireworks fill your heart and independence be your way of life.

My friends told me you was ADD but that ain't true at all I think you're pretty!

My question (pass it on to 5 others or you'll suffer pattern baldness and gas) how many other questions have you answered today?

New from Ronco, the Zomb-Matic adjustable dead. Choose how much of uncle Willy comes back to eat you!!! People like it when they have some control over how quickly they are consumed by guilt, or a dead loved one...

Oh, it's on!!" What is and where's the switch?

On moonless nights in haunted hollow Tongues of beasts men's blood do swallow

People said, 'go over his head' I went through his pockets, he wasn't expecting that!!

Quickly look down, now you tell me, when you were little did you ever imagine that you'd be wearing those shoes? Mind blowing isn't it?

Remember never to text and drive, it's bad grammar, even if you have a deadline. You might cross the line and dead may be your destination. Think about it!!

Sitting in front of my fireplace, basking in it's warm glow gives me time to reflect upon the sacrifices that it has taken for me to enjoy the security of a good home, in a safe environment. I can hear the soft whisper of the snow as it caresses my window and covers the ground outside in a scintillating display of sparkling lights under the full moon. How many times have our service men and women watched this same scene from a foxhole, or camped in some remote part of the world. Thankful for the silence of that moment, knowing it won’t last long. Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. He/she dresses in fatigues and patrols the world restlessly, ensuring that we can have this peaceful night. Every day they give us the gift of this lifestyle that we enjoy, and every night they watch over us. They are warriors, angels, guardians, friends, brothers, fathers, mothers, sisters and brothers, forming a family that stretches back to the beginning of the country. So tonight when you go to bed say a prayer that God watch over those who watch over us, and thank them for their sacrifices, on and off the battlefield. Pray that they have a peaceful night, and will be home soon with their families who also share their burden. Without them we would not have this moment.

The other day I was trying to enjoy the sunset of my mind when I realized we were on daylight saving time!!

They say that time is relative. I think the way it's treating me it's a distant one, maybe a bad uncle, and not welcome in my house this Christmas!!

This was to be my last trip. Sailing great distances was dangerous, and not very profitable in today's world. I walked down the worn wooden step to the captain's cabin, the creaking of the ship keeping time with my steps. Opening the door I found him bent over an old map. "Where are we captain?" I asked, hoping it was close to home. "See this spot, where it says "Here there be monsters"?" he said pointing to an image of a horrid beast. "Certainly, but you and I both know such creatures don't exist!!" The captain laughed, and looking up at me with an evil glint in his eye said, "Who's talking about sea monsters?". As he spoke the skin from one corner of his mouth fell loose, exposing a yellow reptilian skin beneath. "What?" I yelled, and as I turned to run for the cabin door I heard screams and loud moans coming from the deck, and the crew quarters below. I felt fetid breath on the back of my neck, "Aye matey, here there be monsters

Time Expansion Machine" For people who need to get there 'Whenever

Turn your diodes this way and pulse...