Best 97 quotes of Robert Orben on MyQuotes

Robert Orben

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    Robert Orben

    A compliment is verbal sunshine.

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    Robert Orben

    All that means is that something devastating can happen to you today or to your family & all you can do is cry about it or panic or just be grief-stricken about it; but a year or two from now or maybe ten years from now, or maybe two months or two days, you might be able to see the humor in that problem.

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    Robert Orben

    Anybody with a good sense of humor is one-up on their competition. We respond to somebody who has the ability to make us laugh. It's a bonding influence.

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    Robert Orben

    A sigh is an amplifier for people who suffer in silence.

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    Robert Orben

    As much as we admire all the characteristics of a Ronald Reagan, as soon as something goes wrong, people will hate those same characteristics.

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    Robert Orben

    A toast to the weapons of war, may they rust in peace.

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    Robert Orben

    A vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it in.

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    Robert Orben

    Did you ever get to wondering if taxation without representation might have been cheaper?

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    Robert Orben

    Did you ever see that painting the Mona Lisa. It always reminds me of a reporter listening to a politician.

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    Robert Orben

    Did you hear about the woman who sent out 40,000 Valentine Cards doused in perfume and signed, "Guess Who?" She's a divorce lawyer.

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    Robert Orben

    Don't smoke too much, drink too much, eat too much or work too much. We're all on the road to the grave - but there's no need to be in the passing lane.

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    Robert Orben

    Do you ever get the feeling that the only reason we have elections is to find out if the polls were right?

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    Robert Orben

    Do you realize that in the past sixty years, the only foreigners the French have been able to drive out are American tourists?

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    Robert Orben

    Do you realize what would happen if Moses were alive today? He'd go up to Mount Sinai, come back with the Ten Commandments, and spend the next eight years trying to get published.

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    Robert Orben

    Do your kids a favor - don't have any.

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    Robert Orben

    Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

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    Robert Orben

    Every speaker has a mouth; An arrangement rather neat. Sometimes it's filled with wisdom. Sometimes it's filled with feet.

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    Robert Orben

    Faith, indeed, has up to the present not been able to move real mountains.... But it can put mountains where there are none. Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.

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    Robert Orben

    For Father's Day, my kids always give me a bottle of cologne called English Leather. It's appropriate! To them I always smell like a wallet.

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    Robert Orben

    Happiness is contagious. Be a carrier!!

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    Robert Orben

    Have you noticed when you go on a diet, the first thing you lose is your temper.

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    Robert Orben

    Here's to all volunteers, those dedicated people who believe in all work and no pay.

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    Robert Orben

    Humor gives presidents the chance to be seen as warm, relaxed persons. Humor reaches out and puts its arm around the listener and says, 'I am one of you, I understand,' and implicitly it promises, 'I will do something about your problems.'

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    Robert Orben

    Humor is a marvelous communications tool, as Reagan has demonstrated so well. He has weathered many a storm that others might not have. With Reagan, people just say, 'There he goes again.' A sense of humor allows a president to back off a little from the tensions of the moment and take a calmer view of things.

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    Robert Orben

    Humor is the most honest of emotions. Applause for a speech can be insincere, but with humor, if the audience doesn't like it there's no faking it.

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    Robert Orben

    I always wondered why babies spend so much time sucking their thumbs. Then I tasted baby food.

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    Robert Orben

    I'd like to say a few words about one of the most popular concepts in the modern education--show and tell. Show and Tell is a device created by grammar schools to communicate family secrets to 32 other families before 9:15 am in the morning.

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    Robert Orben

    I don't see why religion and science can't cooperate. What's wrong with using a computer to count our blessings?

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    Robert Orben

    I don't want to say anything about my kids...but I go to PTA meetings under an assumed name!

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    Robert Orben

    If at first you don't succeed-try, try again. Don't think of it as failure. Think of it as timed-release success.

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    Robert Orben

    I feel that if God had really wanted us to have enough oil, he would never have given us a Department of Energy.

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    Robert Orben

    If somebody accuses you in a story of being a crook, you can demand that they prove it. But if a comic says it and you protest, people say, 'What's the matter, you can't take a joke?

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    Robert Orben

    If you can get someone to laugh with you, they will be more willing to identify with you, listen to you. It parts the waters.

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    Robert Orben

    If you can laugh together, you can work together.

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    Robert Orben

    I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.

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    Robert Orben

    I had a terrible fight with my wife on New Year's Eve. She called me a procrastinator. So I finished addressing the Christmas cards and left.

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    Robert Orben

    I love to watch those old movies on late-night television, particularly when a couple get up from a champagne dinner in a posh restaurant and the hero hands the waiter $3. But the best part is when he says, "Keep the change.

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    Robert Orben

    I may be forty, but every morning when I get up, I feel like a twenty-year-old. Unfortunately, there's never one around.

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    Robert Orben

    I'm beginning to wonder about my broker. Yesterday I told him to buy a hundred shares of A.T.&T. He said, 'Would you spell that?'

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    Robert Orben

    Individuality' is the key to success.

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    Robert Orben

    Inflation is bringing us true democracy. For the first time in history, luxuries and necessities are selling at the same price.

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    Robert Orben

    Inflation is the crabgrass in your savings.

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    Robert Orben

    In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative; fight, flee - or laugh.

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    Robert Orben

    I remember when humor was gentle pokes. I used to call it 'arm around the shoulder' humor. Now they go for the jugular and they take no prisoners. It's mean, mean stuff.

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    Robert Orben

    I should warn you that underneath these clothes I'm wearing boxer shorts and I know how to use them.

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    Robert Orben

    I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.

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    Robert Orben

    It always seems to someone outside the business that it is very difficult to write for a comedy show because it must be done quickly. Actually, it is much easier to write this humor than to do a joke or a show from scratch, because the audience knows the plot. Just mention what is going on and then deliver the punch line.

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    Robert Orben

    It may be the way the cookie crumbles on Madison Avenue, but in Hong Kong its the way the egg rolls.

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    Robert Orben

    It's amazing how important your job is when you want the day off - and how unimportant it is when you want a raise.

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    Robert Orben

    It's an awful thing to grow old by yourself. My wife hasn't had a birthday in seven years.