Best 14 quotes in «funny christmas quotes» category

Last Christmas someone stole my present. I've spent this year living in the past.

I have had a holiday, and I'd like to take it up professionally.

I love Christmas, not just because of the presents but because of all the decorations and lights and the warmth of the season.

Mankind is a great, an immense family... This is proved by what we feel in our hearts at Christmas.

Peace on earth will come to stay, When we live Christmas every day.

My wife, like many women, actually LIKES wrapping things. If she gives you a gift that requires batteries, she wraps the batteries separately, which to me is very close to being a symptom of mental illness.

This past Christmas, I told my girlfriend for months in advance that all I wanted was an Xbox. That's it. Beginning and end of list, Xbox. You know what she got me? A homemade frame with a picture of us from our first date together. Which was fine. Because I got her an Xbox.

No self-respecting mother would run out of intimidations on the eve of a major holiday.

The principal advantage of the non-parental lifestyle is that on Christmas Eve you need not be struck dumb by the three most terrifying words that the government allows to be printed on any product: "Some assembly required.

We have a small, tight family. I left home at a young age and the best thing for me was to go home at Christmas-time and spend time with my family and friends. It's kind of funny, most people do turkey and all the trimmings, but we would have a big seafood festival because it's the only time of the year that we'd eat it. We never really went caroling, but once in a while we'd got out for a sleigh ride

Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help.

What's in that pipe that he's smoking?

Christmas never would have caught on if it had been called Celebrate a Little Jew's Birthday.

Handmade presents are scary because they reveal that you have too much free time.