Best 571 quotes in «jokes quotes» category

The practical joke is the psychiatry of baseball.

The public is gullible. ... If [many satirists are] making the same joke, that's the danger. Then there's a solidifying effect and it becomes a truth.

There's nothing the people love more than a Federal Reserve joke.

There is no such thing as an appropriate joke. That's why it's a joke.

There was always another side to a joke, the side of the victim.

There was a time when I didn't like myself at all. I thought I was a cruel joke. But now I've come to realise that maybe I am not cute, but I am beautiful.

There is a joke that your hammer will always find nails to hit. I find that perfectly acceptable

There were many times when I kept silent about being Jewish as I got older, when Jewish jokes were told.

The world is a very serious and, at times, very sad place - but at other times it is all such a joke.

The wind likes making jokes!

They are "sexcellent". That is a pun for you, you will find lots of puns on the internet! Also: blonde jokes.

The stuff about film being a collaborative medium is no joke.

To this day, to this very day, except for television, I've never had a writer. Anything I've ever done on the stage, happened on the stage and I developed it from there. It started doing impressions and jokes - which I did very poorly. To this day I can't tell a joke. That sounds nuts, but it's true. I exaggerate it and it becomes a joke. Everything I've ever done I've done out on the stage and it became a performance over many many years.

Usually my favorite joke is whichever joke I most recently came up with that surprised me the first time I thought of it.

Thou can'st not joke an enemy into a friend, but thou may'st a friend into an enemy.

We claim no respectability. There's no status I would not surrender for a joke. So we don't have to defend anything.

We didn't choose the joke because it's filthy! We chose it because of the structure!

We feel that what's too far is when you make a joke and somebody gets hurt.

Want to know why women don't blink during foreplay? Not enough time.

We have to joke about it because the alternative is to be scared

Wanna play a joke on your chiropractor? The next time he starts working on you, go limp and soil yourself.

We're not going to have a wall [on Southern border] like now which is either non-existent or a joke.

What I like about the jokes, to me it's a lot of logic, no matter how crazy they are. It has to make absolute sense, or it won't be funny.

What's cool about Twitter is that you can make a joke about something very of-the-moment or random that I wouldn't be able to joke about in stand-up.

What other culture could have produced someone like Hemmingway and not seen the joke?

When in doubt, go for the dick joke.

What I say is stupid. Who takes a comedian seriously? I'm doing sophisticated knock-knock jokes.

When I make a joke, nobody gets injured... when Congress makes a joke, it's the law.

When I turned about 12 or 13, I realised that being funny wasn't about remembering jokes. It was about creating them.

When you cannot joke about the darkness of life, that’s when the darkness takes over.

When you're an older woman [in a movie] you tend to be in - how did you put it? You're the brunt of the joke.

When you put yourself in environments that continually test you, that's where all the good stories come from. That's where the jokes come from is from the shitty parts.

When you've been doing comedy for forty years, you really do know most of the jokes. And even if you don't know a specific joke, you can pretty much guess what it's going to be.

Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny!

Why are you making a joke out of this?" she asks. "Because it's stupid, Nik. There's not even room in my day to think about someone else.

When somebody mangles one of my jokes, that bothers me more than somebody saying that I'm the worst comedian ever.

You achieve the surreal jokes through the realism by making it elastic.

Working at the magic shop really gave me a sense of comedy because it was all jokes.

Witticism. A sharp and clever remark, usually quoted and seldom noted; what the Philistine is pleased to call a joke.

You can't just explain a joke. Either it isn't funny, or the person just totally missed the punchline.

You do not respond to an attempt on your life with a slap on the hand. Or a joke.

You don't want to just do a joke because it works - we can make a lot of jokes work - you want to do a joke because it will hopefully build into an argument.

You can read Kant by yourself, if you wanted to; but you must share a joke with someone else.

You don't make stupid jokes in art.

You know it's time to start using mouthwash when your dentist leaves the room and sends in a canary.

You get sick of jokes, you know. Either I do them on TV, and then you worry, like, "Oh, everyone's gonna see it," so you chuck it, or you just get sick of saying it. After a while, a joke, if you say it too much, just becomes contrived, or fake-sounding.

You learn to kid around and joke and not take things too seriously because somehow its all gonna work out for the best - or you're gonna make it work out

You make a joke out of everything. Life’s too painful not to.

You have to make a joke every 10–15 minutes. It’s a way of keeping up morale.

You know, OK, I made a few jokes - and they killed 3000 Americans. Fair trade.