Best 571 quotes in «jokes quotes» category

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    The practical joke is the psychiatry of baseball.

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    The public is gullible. ... If [many satirists are] making the same joke, that's the danger. Then there's a solidifying effect and it becomes a truth.

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    There's nothing the people love more than a Federal Reserve joke.

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    There is no such thing as an appropriate joke. That's why it's a joke.

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    There was always another side to a joke, the side of the victim.

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    There was a time when I didn't like myself at all. I thought I was a cruel joke. But now I've come to realise that maybe I am not cute, but I am beautiful.

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    There is a joke that your hammer will always find nails to hit. I find that perfectly acceptable

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    There were many times when I kept silent about being Jewish as I got older, when Jewish jokes were told.

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    The world is a very serious and, at times, very sad place - but at other times it is all such a joke.

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    The wind likes making jokes!

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    They are "sexcellent". That is a pun for you, you will find lots of puns on the internet! Also: blonde jokes.

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    The stuff about film being a collaborative medium is no joke.

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    To this day, to this very day, except for television, I've never had a writer. Anything I've ever done on the stage, happened on the stage and I developed it from there. It started doing impressions and jokes - which I did very poorly. To this day I can't tell a joke. That sounds nuts, but it's true. I exaggerate it and it becomes a joke. Everything I've ever done I've done out on the stage and it became a performance over many many years.

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    Usually my favorite joke is whichever joke I most recently came up with that surprised me the first time I thought of it.

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    Thou can'st not joke an enemy into a friend, but thou may'st a friend into an enemy.

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    We claim no respectability. There's no status I would not surrender for a joke. So we don't have to defend anything.

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    We didn't choose the joke because it's filthy! We chose it because of the structure!

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    We feel that what's too far is when you make a joke and somebody gets hurt.

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    Want to know why women don't blink during foreplay? Not enough time.

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    We have to joke about it because the alternative is to be scared

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    Wanna play a joke on your chiropractor? The next time he starts working on you, go limp and soil yourself.

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    We're not going to have a wall [on Southern border] like now which is either non-existent or a joke.

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    What I like about the jokes, to me it's a lot of logic, no matter how crazy they are. It has to make absolute sense, or it won't be funny.

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    What's cool about Twitter is that you can make a joke about something very of-the-moment or random that I wouldn't be able to joke about in stand-up.

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    What other culture could have produced someone like Hemmingway and not seen the joke?

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    When in doubt, go for the dick joke.

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    What I say is stupid. Who takes a comedian seriously? I'm doing sophisticated knock-knock jokes.

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    When I make a joke, nobody gets injured... when Congress makes a joke, it's the law.

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    When I turned about 12 or 13, I realised that being funny wasn't about remembering jokes. It was about creating them.

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    When you cannot joke about the darkness of life, that’s when the darkness takes over.

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    When you're an older woman [in a movie] you tend to be in - how did you put it? You're the brunt of the joke.

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    When you put yourself in environments that continually test you, that's where all the good stories come from. That's where the jokes come from is from the shitty parts.

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    When you've been doing comedy for forty years, you really do know most of the jokes. And even if you don't know a specific joke, you can pretty much guess what it's going to be.

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    Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny!

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    Why are you making a joke out of this?" she asks. "Because it's stupid, Nik. There's not even room in my day to think about someone else.

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    When somebody mangles one of my jokes, that bothers me more than somebody saying that I'm the worst comedian ever.

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    You achieve the surreal jokes through the realism by making it elastic.

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    Working at the magic shop really gave me a sense of comedy because it was all jokes.

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    Witticism. A sharp and clever remark, usually quoted and seldom noted; what the Philistine is pleased to call a joke.

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    You can't just explain a joke. Either it isn't funny, or the person just totally missed the punchline.

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    You do not respond to an attempt on your life with a slap on the hand. Or a joke.

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    You don't want to just do a joke because it works - we can make a lot of jokes work - you want to do a joke because it will hopefully build into an argument.

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    You can read Kant by yourself, if you wanted to; but you must share a joke with someone else.

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    You don't make stupid jokes in art.

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    You know it's time to start using mouthwash when your dentist leaves the room and sends in a canary.

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    You get sick of jokes, you know. Either I do them on TV, and then you worry, like, "Oh, everyone's gonna see it," so you chuck it, or you just get sick of saying it. After a while, a joke, if you say it too much, just becomes contrived, or fake-sounding.

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    You learn to kid around and joke and not take things too seriously because somehow its all gonna work out for the best - or you're gonna make it work out

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    You make a joke out of everything. Life’s too painful not to.

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    You have to make a joke every 10–15 minutes. It’s a way of keeping up morale.

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    You know, OK, I made a few jokes - and they killed 3000 Americans. Fair trade.

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