Best 61 quotes of Spike Milligan on MyQuotes

We were making love in the back of a truck and we got carried away.

You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.

After Puckoon I swore I'd never write another book. This is it

Author? Author? Did you write these legs?' 'Yes." 'Well, I don't like dem. I don't like 'em at all at all. I could ha' writted better legs meself.

Money can't buy you friends, but you do get a better class of enemy.

Money! Father Rudden had tried everything to raise funds to repair the church, he even went to the bank. 'Don't be a fool, Father!' said the manager, 'Put that gun down.' Money!

(On his gravestone): "I told you I was ill".

R.I.P. Tom Conlon O'Rourke. Not Dead, just Sleeping.

The clock in the church tower said 4.32, as it had done for three hundred years. It was right once a day and that was better than no clock at all.

Waiting for the operation, there was a gentle tap on the door.In came a strapping nurse. 'Good morning', she shrilled, whipped back the bedclothes, upped with his nightshirt, grabbed his willy, lathered furiously around it till it looked like the Eddystone Lighthouse in a storm, then shaved the whole area till it looked like an oven-ready chicken. 'Excuse me, nurse', said Looney, 'why did you knock?

With a roof over his head he had ceased to work, living off his [war] pension and his wits, both hopelessly inadequate.