Best 44 quotes of Sam Ewing on MyQuotes

A man commented to his lunch companion: My wife had a funny dream last night. She dreamed she'd married a millionaire. You're lucky, sighed the companion. My wife dreams that in the daytime.

As a child, a library card takes you to exotic, faraway places. When you're grown up, a credit card does it.

Computers are like bikinis. They save people a lot of guesswork.

Computers will never take the place of books. You can't stand on a floppy disk to reach a high shelf.

Crime in the cities is very discouraging. Apartment house dwellers have locks, bolts, chains and bars on their doors. It takes a tenant longer to get out than a burglar to get in.

Ever notice that nothing changes the color of paint like putting it on a wall?

Fashions come and fashions go, but pockets are usually the same. There's little change in them.

Half of all home accidents happen in the kitchen, and the family has to eat them.

Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all.

Highways are full of careless drivers who are always too close in front of you.

If we are what we eat, why aren't we new, improved, fat-free, and light.

If you believe the past can't be changed, you haven't read a celebrity's autobiography.

If you lend someone 20 dollars and never see that person again, it's probably worth it.

Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair.

In many instances, marriage vows would be more accurate if the phrase were changed to 'Until debt do us part'.

I try to figure my adjusted gross income, but no matter how I figure it, it's still gross.

It's not the hours you put in your work that counts, it's the work you put in the hours.

Life begins as a quest of the child for the man, and ends as a journey by the man to rediscover the child.

Many trees could be saved if the government stopped printing tax forms.

Nobody ever asks a father how he manages to combine marriage and a career.

Nobody's too fat - they're just too short.

Nothing in the world can replace the modern swimsuit, and it practically has.

Nothing is as frustrating as arguing with someone who knows what he's talking about.

Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn't be done.

On every commercial flight, the traveler is told, "Your seat cushion can be used as a flotation device". The question is, why doesn't the plane just become a boat?

Parents who wonder where the younger generation is going should remember where it came from.

President Herbert Hoover returned his salary to the government. His idea caught on, and now we're all doing it.

Some people are much like blisters-they don't show up until the work is done.

Success has a simple formula: do your best, and people may like it.

"Tell me, doctor, " said the patient, "when I stand on my head, the blood rushes to it. Why doesn't it rush to my feet now?" "That's because your feet aren't empty," said the doctor.

The average tourist wants to go to places where there are no tourists.

The brain is like a TV set; when it goes blank, it's a good idea to turn off the sound.

The reason that so many of us cannot save money is because of our friends. They're always buying something we can't afford.

There's no thief like a bad movie.

The sight of home looks best after you've traveled hundreds of miles to get away from it.

The trouble with giving advice is that others want to return the favor.

Two things help to keep one's job. First, let the boss think he's having his own way. Second, let him have it.

Vacation: Two weeks on the sunny sands - and the rest of the year on the financial rocks.

We are all born into the world with nothing. Everything we acquire after that is profit.

When a husband says, "I run things in my home" he may mean the washing machine, the dishwasher and the vacuum cleaner.

When you feel neglected, think of the female salmon, who lays 3,000,000 eggs but no one remembers her on Mother's Day.

When you finally go back to your old home, you find it wasn't the old home you missed but your childhood.

Wouldn't you like to weigh what it says on your driver's license?

Youth is when you think you'll live forever. Old age is when you wonder how you've lived so long.