Best 26 quotes of Sonali Deraniyagala on MyQuotes

Sonali Deraniyagala

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    Sonali Deraniyagala

    All that they were missing, I desperately shut out. I was terrified of everything because everything was from that life. Anything that excited them, I wanted destroyed.

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    Sonali Deraniyagala

    And as the wind gusted against those windows, I saw how, in an instant, I lost my shelter. This truth had hardly escaped me until then, far from it, but the clarity of that moment was overwhelming. And I am still shaking. They would indeed be aghast to see the mess I am now. This is not me, this is now who I was with them.

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    Sonali Deraniyagala

    Broken and bewildered, my brother had the house cleared and packed away, painted and polished, all in the first month or two after the wave. For him, that was the practical thing to do, to impose order on the unfathomable, perhaps.

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    Sonali Deraniyagala

    How hideous, that there should be a pecking order in my grief.

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    Sonali Deraniyagala

    I am immersed in another reality.

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    Sonali Deraniyagala

    I am in the unthinkable situation that people cannot bear to contemplate.

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    Sonali Deraniyagala

    I must stop remembering. I must keep them in a faraway place. The more I remember, the greater my agony. These thoughts stuttered in my mind. So I stopped talking about them, I wouldn't mouth my boys' names, I shoved away stories of them. Let them, let our life, become as unreal as that wave.

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    Sonali Deraniyagala

    I must stop remembering... The more I remember, the greater my agony. These thoughts stuttered in my mind... I must be more watchful, I told myself. I must shut them out. I couldn't always keep this up.

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    Sonali Deraniyagala

    I steer clear of telling. I can't come out with it. The outlandish truth of me. How can I reveal this to someone innocent and unsuspecting? With those who know my story I talk freely about us.... But with others I keep it hidden, the truth. I keep it under wraps because I don't want to shock or make anyone distressed. But it's not like me to be cagey in my interactions.... But now I try to keep a distance from those who are innocent of my reality. At best I am vague. I feel deceitful at times. But I can't just drop it on someone, I feel--it's too horrifying, too huge. It's not that I should be honest with everyone, the white lies I tell strangers I don't mind. But there are those I see time and again, have drinks with, share jokes, and even they don't know. They see my cheery side. And I kick myself for being a fraud.... I can see, though, that my secrecy does me no favors. It probably makes worse my sense of being outlandish. It confirms to me that it might be abhorrent, my story, or that few can relate to it.

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    Sonali Deraniyagala

    Is this truth too potent for me to hold? If I keep it close, will I tumble? At times, I don't know.

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    Sonali Deraniyagala

    I trip up constantly, between this life and that.

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    Sonali Deraniyagala

    I was dizzy in that room. I felt faint with disbelief. I held on to the seat of my chair to stay upright. I knew what was going on, but I couldn’t absorb any of it.

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    Sonali Deraniyagala

    I was held for a few moments in the coherence and safety of the life we had, when so much seemed predictable.

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    Sonali Deraniyagala

    I was terrified that tomorrow the truth would start.

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    Sonali Deraniyagala

    I will kill myself soon. But until then, how do I tame my pain?

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    Sonali Deraniyagala

    I will kill myself soon. But until then how do l tame my pain?

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    Sonali Deraniyagala

    My boys. I don't have them to hold. What do I do with my arms?

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    Sonali Deraniyagala

    On days like this, birthdays, the anniversary of the wave, I want to be alone. Alone, I am close to them, I slip back into our life, or they slip into mine, undisturbed.

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    Sonali Deraniyagala

    Seven years on, and their absence has expanded. Just as our life would have in this time, it has swelled.

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    Sonali Deraniyagala

    Somehow on this boat I can rest with disbelief about what happened, and with the impossible truth of my loss, which I have to compress often and misshape, just so I can bear it -so I can cook or teach our floss my teeth.

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    Sonali Deraniyagala

    Their promise, my children's possibilities, still linger in our home.

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    Sonali Deraniyagala

    The more I remember, the greater my agony.

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    Sonali Deraniyagala

    The more I remember, the more inconsolable I will be, I've told myself. But now increasingly I don't tussle with my memories. I want to remember. I want to know. Perhaps I can better tolerate being inconsolable now. Perhaps I suspect that remembering won't make me any more inconsolable. Or less.

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    Sonali Deraniyagala

    the reality of being here eludes me, I can’t focus, I am dazed. And I want to stay this way. If I have too much clarity, I will be undone, I fear.

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    Sonali Deraniyagala

    There must be some atom of our life hidden here, lingering in this quiet somewhere.

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    Sonali Deraniyagala

    They had become muffled and distant then anyway. This happened in those first days after the wave. I couldn't find their faces, they quivered as in a heat haze. Even in my stupor I knew that details of them were dropping away from me crumbs. Still, whenever they emerged, I panicked.