Best 199 quotes in «discworld quotes» category

Winder's mind felt even fuzzier than it had done over the past few years, but he was certain about cake. He'd been eating cake, and now there wasn't any. Through the mists he saw it, apparently close but, when he tried to reach it, a long way away. A certain realization dawned on him. "Oh," he said. YES, said Death. "Not even time to finish my cake?" NO. THERE IS NO MORE TIME, EVEN FOR CAKE. FOR YOU, THE CAKE IS OVER. YOU HAVE REACHED THE END OF CAKE.

Ye mustn't be afraid to ask for help. Pride is a good thing, my girl, but it will kill you in time.

You haven't heard of him? And he is a D'reg!" Mrs Goriff pulled at her husband's arm. "D'reg?" said Angua. "A warlike desert tribe," said Carrot. "Very fierce. Honourable, though. They say that if a D'reg is your friend he's your friend for life." "And if he's not your friend?" "That's about five seconds.

Young Sam at this point had tired of petticoat company and had drifted over to an elderly goblin man who was working on a pot, and was watching with extreme fascination to the apparent pleasure, as far as Vimes could tell, of the elderly goblin. That's a lesson to us...I don't know what kind of lesson, but it's a lesson, he thought.

You're not suggesting that Vetinari tucks into a nice rat every day?" said Angua. "I've heard he uses rats as spies, so I don't think he'd use them as elevenses," said Carrot.

YOU WILL NOT TELL THE RIVERS NOT TO FLOW. YOU WILL NOT TELL THE SUN NOT TO SHINE. YOU WILL NOT TELL ME WHAT I SHOULD AND SHOULD NOT DO.

Wolves hate werewolves.' 'What? That can't be right! When she's wolf-shaped she's just like a wolf!' 'So? When she's human-shaped she's just like a human. And what's that got to do with anything? Humans don't like werewolves. Wolves don't like werewolves. People don't like wolves that can think like people, an' people don't like people who can act like wolves. Which just goes to show that people are the same everywhere.' said Gaspode. He assessed this sentence and added, 'Even when they're wolves.

You couldn't be a real copper in Ankh-Morpork and stay sane. You had to care. Anda caring in Ankh-Morpork was like opening a tin of meat in the middle of a piranha school.

A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to swear that only the other one snores.

You know zat another term for an iconographer would be ‘photographer’? From the old word ‘photus’ in Latation, vhich means—” “‘To prance around like an idiot ordering everyone about as if you owned the place,’” said William. “Ah, you know it!

And all those exclamation marks, you notice? Five? A sure sign of someone who wears his underpants on his head.

Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.

And, while it was regarded as pretty good evidence of criminality to be living in a slum, for some reason owning a whole street of them merely got you invited to the very best social occasions.

And it came to pass that in time the Great God Om spake unto Brutha, the Chosen One: "Psst!

"And what would humans be without love?" Rare, said Death.

As we all know, the Discworld is a flat planet - like a geological pizza, but without the anchovies.

'Discworld' is taking something that you know is ridiculous and treating it as if it is serious, to see if something interesting happens when you do so.

Divide by cucumber error. Please reinstall universe and reboot.

Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.

Despite rumor, Death isn't cruel--merely terribly, terribly good at his job.

Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease.

Guilt was the grease in which the wheels of the authority turned.

Corporal Nobbs had been disqualified from the human race for shoving

I commend my soul to any god that can find it.

Gravity is a habit that is hard to shake off.

Inside every sane person there’s a madman struggling to get out.

If you put butter and salt on it, it tastes like salty butter.

I like the idea of democracy. You have to have someone everyone distrusts.

His movements could be called cat-like, except that he did not stop to spray urine up against things.

I imagine that fish have no word for water.

Most gods find it hard to walk and think at the same time.

I prefer to achieve immortality by not dying.

Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.

Not a man to mince words. People, yes. But not words.

Pets are always a great help in times of stress. And in times of starvation too, o'course.

Real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time.

The figures looked more or less human. And they were engaged in religion. You could tell by the knives (it's not murder if you do it for a god).

She was already learning that if you ignore the rules people will, half the time, quietly rewrite them so that they don't apply to you.

The pamphlet was very patriotic. That is, it talked about killing foreigners.

The pen is mightier than the sword ... if the sword is very short, and the pen is very sharp.

There are no inconsistencies in the Discworld books; ocassionally, however, there are alternate pasts.

You can't find a hermit to teach you herming, because of course that rather spoils the whole thing.

Words are the litmus paper of the mind.

A dollar for a human bought a loaf of bread that was eaten in a few bites. The same dollar for Wee Mad Arthur bought the same-sized loaf, but it was food for a week and could then be further hollowed out and used as a bedroom.

Ah, I know that," said Tiffany, as the boat rocked on the swell. "Whales aren't dangerous, because they just eat very small things..." "Row like the blazes, lads!" Rob Anybody yelled.

All he had was nothing, but that was something, and now it had been taken away.

And at the end of all stories Azrael, who knew the secret, thought: I REMEMBER WHEN ALL THIS WILL BE AGAIN.

And, er, these stories about you..." "Oh, all true. Most of them. A bit of exaggeration, but mostly true." "The one about the Citadel in Muntab and the Pash and the fish bone?" "Oh, yes." "But how did you get in where half a dozen armed and trained men couldn't even - ?" "I am a little man and I carry a broom," said Lu-Tze simply. "Everyone has some mess that needs clearing up. What harm is a man with a broom?" "What? And that was it?" "Well, the rest was a matter of cookery, really. The Pash was not a good man, but he was a glutton for his fish pie." "No martial arts?" said Lobsang. "Oh, always a last resort. History needs shepherds, not butchers." "Do you know okidoki?" "Just a lot of bunny-hops." "Shittake?" "If I wanted to thrust my hand into hot sand I would go to the seaside." "Upsidazi?" "A waste of good bricks." "No kando?" "You made that one up.

"There's a door," he whispered. "Where does it go?" "It stays where it is, I think," said Rincewind.

The trouble with being a god is that you've got no one to pray to.